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General Questions and Answers For learning, sharing your experience, and exchanging information about Multiple Sclerosis. Please discuss medications in the Medications forum, and natural supplements in Tara's forum.

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Old 03-20-2013, 08:09 PM
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lstrl lstrl is online now
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: OK
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Can something good please happen?

Ever since my legs decided to practically quit on me (which lead to my diagnosis), I have had nothing but bad things happen. There are some days that I'll choose to stay in bed half the day just so I don't have to deal with anything. Dealing with MS is bad enough, but when everything else happens at once, it's impossible. It is all connected to the MS, but I wonder, will all the crap ever stop and I can just move on for once?

From the second I got sick, my employer wanted nothing more than to kick me out that door. Luckily for them, I had just started the job, so that's exactly what happened. I can understand that, but what I don't understand is why they waited 6 weeks to file the paperwork! This caused huge insurance problems, and I didn't know until they started rejecting my bills. Well, one of those charges would have been whatever it costs for a month of Avonex, so I had no choice but to pay for the cobra, at least in the beginning.

Most insurance stops at the end of the month, but this stupid workplace cuts you off the day you quit. I had no way of knowing this, so that added another 15 days to the cobra charge I knew nothing about until two weeks ago. When I talked to HR about the problem (after all, why should I be punished for their lack of professionalism), all that happened was I yelled at them and told them how worthless they were, causing them to hang up on me. At least it felt good to tell one person what I really think of the company. It did nothing for my financial problems though.

Even though insurance paid for my MRIs in December that led to diagnosis, it still left me with a massive bill. I requested financial assistance, but the stupid lady didn't even send me the paperwork I requested! I had to call again and I finally got it this week, but not before they tried to get me to pay full price for last month's labs when I clearly told them my cobra bill had been paid and they need to file my insurance.

I hope I get approved, but I'm worried my IRA will hurt me. The thing is, if I dipped into it, I'd not only be paying taxes on it but I'd be penalized an extra 10% because I'm not declared disabled at this point (and wouldn't be if I tried). If I have to use that money, then I won't have a dime left to my name, and there goes my retirement money so I'll never have a chance at security. Even if I get approved, I still have more old labs that won't be covered, and that's another expense that would have already been paid but I didn't even get the bill in the mail even though it's being shown as late on my account.

I had to have labs drawn again today, and when I told the girl I had the same insurance as before, she said the hospital rejected it. She tried to add it and couldn't. It's really sad when they'd rather me be a charity case than to bill my insurance and actually get money out of it. She got me in anyway since I'm applying for assistance, but this is crazy! I have never heard of such a stupid thing in my life, and I'm scared to find out what'll happen next month when I have to have my last set of labs drawn.

I'm scheduled to see my neuro on Friday, and I'm scared to find out what'll happen with that too. I get the feeling it's going to be more bs (it's the same hospital), and I just can't deal with it anymore. I will not pay a penny more than my copay, and if they expect otherwise, I will walk out of there, never to return. I'm not even going to put up with someone treating me like I'm some deadbeat loser who doesn't pay their bills and participates in insurance fraud.

I also just got a bill the other day from a dr visit that was supposed to be considered free preventive care. What the insurance company actually means is any penny that is charged for labs they'll consider an excessive charge, leaving me to foot the bill for their "free" wellness exam. I don't get how it can be "excessive" when I went to their preferred dr in a clinic that is affiliated with the hospital (I worked at the hospital so the insurance is through that company). I still haven't disputed it yet, but I know it's not going to get me anywhere but deeper in the hole.

I am so tired of all these bad things happening. I keep thinking, surely it's got to get better, but it never does. I'll even start off my day feeling good about something, only to get yet more bad news in the mail. My parents are the ones paying for my insurance, and I feel like I'm just wasting their money for nothing.

I did a lot of job hopping last year (left my 5 year job for what I thought would be a better place, only to absolutely hate it and moved on to the last place I worked when all this happened), and the only thing I accomplished was screwing everything up. Had I never left my longtime job, none of this would even be an issue. I would have had good insurance, short term disability pay for 3 months (so my savings wouldn't have been touched by this point), and FMLA coverage so I'd still be considered employed right now.

I can't help but wonder if I would still have the ability to work right now if I never left that job. My second job left me so angry every single day, I just couldn't deal with it. It was so bad that every Saturday night I'd already get angry because I only had one day left away from there. I don't think I've ever been so angry in my life, until I had to start dealing with the aftermath of my latest stupid decision (moving to that 3rd job).

I've dug myself such a deep hole, I don't know how I'll ever get out of it. Sometimes I wish something would happen to me just so I don't have to wake up and deal with yet another day of disappointment and frustration. If something good would actually happen for a change, maybe I would have something to fight for, but it seems like good things don't happen in my life. That only happens for other people, and I'm sick of it. Sorry for the long rant, but what do you do when you have nothing to look forward to because only bad things keep happening?
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Old 03-20-2013, 10:28 PM
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mjan mjan is online now
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Well I agree ENUFFFF!!!! Geez-louizee..
Although it sure seems like bad things keep happening to good people, GOOD things can and WILL happen again..hang on ok?
{{{{ HUGS TO YOU }}}}

I can identify with lacking financial resources (being poor ) having to pay COBRA uses up a lot of finances. Count your blessings your parents can and will help you.

I understand too not wanting to go into your IRA and lose what you built up.

Sounds like you need a couple of things. A MS support group and networking, including your local chapter of MS society. AND a social worker from the hospital where you get least a financial counselor. I still do not understand your insurance situation.. sorry.

Since this happened to me, I try really really hard not to focus too far into the future. Just getting through each day is enough. Sleeping your day away may seem to help for awhile, but in the long run it probably won't do you much good hon.

I also tried getting a roommate or I'll be using up my little savings and losing my place to live, PLUS dealing with MS.
BUT now I am fighting to gain back my LTDisability benefit that the Ins company cut. I won a partial benefit, but still fighting the rest they owe me. Trust me, I just feel like giving up, but I won't!

So.. try to deal with this awful situation as a learning lesson. Give up the attitude and anger if you can, as it only uses up your very precious energy and exacerbates your symptoms, I believe. Again, do whatever YOU need to do to get through this time.

BUT.. I DO believe in miracles and that something better IS and WILL be coming my way. Maybe it is not in BIG ways, but in loving ways. Now I volunteer online so I can feel useful and that helps. Someone ALWAYS, ALWAYS has it much worse than I do. I count my blessings, SMILE, SING and focus on what I CAN do and need to do to get through this challenge. I let all the other crap and fear go.

Remember FEAR=False Evidence that Appear REAL.. do not ever allow fear to run you. You have US and we will not let you go through this alone.

REACH out in your community and ask for help.. more help, okay hon?

Hugs and better days are coming..if only we believe

I believe in miracles~!
2004 Benign MS 2008 NOT MS
Finally DX: RR MS 02.24.10
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Old 03-20-2013, 11:42 PM
MSer102 MSer102 is offline

Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,368
I'm so sorry your having such a bad time! I think we all have been thru that at one time or another. But I think if things are looking that bleak then maybe you would do well to talk to a therapist for awhile. There are many many things that are going well every day but the bad things overshadow them. You aren't alone and it might help to have somebody to talk with who can help you through it and see the good things that you can't right now.

Worrying doesn't change the outcome of anything so there's no point in wasting your time and energy on what-ifs. That means there's no point in turning things in a catastrophe before they even happen. One thing I've learned is to be prepared but not worry then deal with things the best I can and then let go of what I can't control. Letting go doesn't mean that I don't take things seriously but that I can only do so much. Worrying beyond that only hurts [U]you[/U] and you don't need any more of that!

If you have COBRA then they should pay at least something for mental health care. Even if you don't have insurance there's sometimes a free clinic or a hospital that can put you into a charity care program to talk with a therapist. You have dug yourself into a deep hole but there's somebody somewhere who can help you from getting lost and help you get out.
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Old 03-21-2013, 12:59 AM
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poohb3ar poohb3ar is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2009
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bless your heart!

insurance can be such a mess! i agree that it's a blessing you have caring parents to pay your cobra ins.
sometimes there's no reasoning with insurance or medical billing places. tho with MS & other sicknesses, plus 15 surgeries, i have learned some about how to handle them.

it helps if you call them (insurance or billing dept. at medical places) and speak directly to an agent who is authorized to assist in difficult cases.
it would probably help if you could write down the dates of when you 'lost' your job and insurance, when you were told that you no longer had coverage (whether by letter or on the phone) because you should have been notified right away.

insurance companies have to let you know that you are no longer covered and give you a letter stating when you were covered for the next insurance company.

gather up your bills and dates of services so when you call them you can give them specifics. they respond much better if you can tell them when and why you went to the dr.
be up front, but calm with them about not knowing you were no longer insured.
i've asked companies how they can help me resolve the situation and they've surprised me with lowering my bills and helping me pay it off monthly.

make sure you let them know that you are trying your best to take care of your debt, but since you're not employed you can only pay $?? a mo. usually when you let them know you are willing to pay something, they are more willing to work with you.

i had one drs. office explain to me that it was cheaper for me for them to consider me as 'self pay' than 'insured' because my insurance was so bad. they allowed me to pay on a much more reduced bill monthly until it was paid off.

most states have state insurance that is cheaper than COBRA, but you have to call your government agency to find out. they don't advertise. in IL, it's called ICHIP.

i know this may sound stupid, but, 'it's only money'.
for me, health bills are just a part of life. there's so much more to living than bills.
please try to find at least one good thing each day to be thankful for. maybe just a sunny day, or able to see the sunny day.
read or watch something uplifting.
if you truly can't find anything to be happy about, please if you have any feelings of wanting to harm or kill yourself call the professionals at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 Professionals that can help are available 24/7. PLEASE call! It's free and 100% confidential!

i pray that you find relief and help soon.
please let us know how you are doing!

take care & God bless you!
"Nothing is impossible., the word itself says I'm possible" Audrey Hepburn
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Old 03-21-2013, 06:15 AM
Thinkimjob Thinkimjob is offline
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Ah, love. It sucks. As bad as things are, you're still here, and people love you.
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Old 03-21-2013, 01:19 PM
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lstrl lstrl is online now
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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Thanks so much for the support. I know it's not the end of the world, but when you feel like you're being attacked by all of these people about billing and employment issues, it can be so overwhelming. The biggest cause of all of this is the very sad excuse of an employer that I left. Had they done their job the way you're supposed to, I wouldn't have been hit all at once by all of these rejections because everything would have been taken care of 6 weeks ago.

I do understand that legally I'm covered, but when I explain this to people and they think I should pay the entire bill up front out of pocket, I don't have the patience to deal with that. That's what I have insurance for. It seems like, in the hospital employees' minds, the only thing that matters is that they get their money. This same hospital has actually refused to run tests that were ordered years ago because I forgot my insurance card (even though they had it on file and it was active). They all try to advertise how you're more than an insurance card, but really all they care about is getting their money and preventing you from suing. I'm not a sue happy person, but if I ever had a case against them for anything, I'd jump on it just to prove a point and get something back for all the hell they put me through.

I'm in the process of applying for a job (which I'm almost positive I won't get), but when I do find one, the first thing I'm doing when it comes to medical issues is severing all ties with that particular company. I actually do like a couple of their providers, but it kills me for even a penny of mine to go into their pockets because they're honestly the worst company I've ever dealt with. Most of that is from HR screwing around when I was an employee instead of doing their job, but the way it has now affected all of my medical care (since I have to go there for the best benefits), I absolutely can't support such a horrible company.

This hospital actually has the nerve to brag about their oh so wonderful "ministry" and it's people like them why I have turned 100% against religion. I haven't completely lost my faith (although many days I'm pretty close), but I am totally against organized religion. It seems like it's all a scam, and these hypocrites are no better than I am. At least in my case, when I'm telling them what I think, I'm honest instead of hiding it all behind a fake smile and acting like I care when I really don't.
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Old 03-22-2013, 12:09 AM
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fishead fishead is offline
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Oh lstrl!!

I am so glad you got all of that off of your chest. I am hoping, by typing all of that, you got, at least, some emotional relief.

I am not going to lie and tell you things get "rosey", BUT your MS-life will eventually level out. It has its ups and downs in the beginning but, things will "level off" (like an airplane when it takes off=it is kind of crazy at the beginning, but it finally gets to its cruising altitude and is easier to fly).

So please hang on. Do you have any freinds or family memebers you can talk to and get support? I hope you know you are more than welcome to let off steam here and, though we cannot understand everything you are going through, we know what it is like to have MS.

Prayers sent up for you, and positive vibes headed your way!
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.
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Old 03-22-2013, 08:02 PM
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lstrl lstrl is online now
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Originally Posted by fishead View Post
Oh lstrl!!Prayers sent up for you, and positive vibes headed your way!
Yeah, I think I got them

This is so not MS related, but I did have an interesting day, especially if you see what was written in my last paragraph of my last post. As luck would have it, who would have a storm shelter put in their garage and the thing springs a leak less than a year later? Yeah, that would be me. That discovery was nothing compared to everything else I've had going on lately though. Anyway, a welder came out to my house last night and sucked the water (and about 20 scorpions) out of it. By the time he finished that, it was dark and he couldn't actually do the repairs yet. That was taken care of this afternoon.

From the minute that guy got to my house last night, he was just so overly nice, I couldn't believe it (especially considering he was very pretty to look at, and those two traits usually don't go together). He also talked to me like we'd been friends forever. Before he left today, he invited me to his church (which I haven't done that in probably 6 years). It wasn't like when those annoying Jehovah's witnesses come knocking on your door, this guy actually seemed genuine, like he really cared about me (and I can usually see right through people, so I generally know when they're being fake).

After he left, I looked at the address of the church and thought there's no way because it's too far away (it really wasn't that far but I didn't want to go). Then I walk into my garage and realize he forgot some of his equipment, so I called him and he came back out later to pick it up. When he returned, he asked me if I was going to come to his church, and when I said I'd think about it, he knew exactly where I was going with that. I then told him I'd have to ask my mom if she'd go with me (no way would I go alone), and he said if we come, he'll buy both of us lunch from anywhere we'd like. Really, all this from the guy who was contracted to fix my storm shelter? Never in a million years did I see that coming.

I've been so lonely lately, feeling like I've been abandoned by all of my friends. I knew it was time to move on and meet new people, but that's tough when you don't work and you don't ever do anything. I can't help but wonder, is this the answer I've been looking for? The last time I felt so alone like this (10 years ago, I was the shy new girl and knew nobody), something very similar happened to me, and that one encounter led to the happiest days of my life.
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Old 03-22-2013, 10:38 PM
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mjan mjan is online now
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How sweet a story is that? Marvelous!

Now I can appreciate you are not feeling ready, connected or whatever about religion, organized religion I think you said, and I understand, I really do.

BUT.. what I think MAY be going on is you are being touched with LOVE my dear one.. you are being touched with kindness.. you are being touched with feeling connected again. ALL THAT you need and want is now being offered to you.. go for this connection!!

"MY belief, is that spirituality is whatever gives you meaning. It does not have to be in a church, synagogue, temple, but wherever two or more are together and you allow your heart and spirit to connect."

My hope for you is that you embrace this act of kindness so it fills your heart and you pay it forward..this is NOT a conincidence in my is simply meant to be.. and so allow that to happen...

May you know more and more acts of are here, right? And as a result of sharing that tender hearted story WE are touched as well.

Thank you for sharing a piece of human kindness..

Hugs again, Jan
I believe in miracles~!
2004 Benign MS 2008 NOT MS
Finally DX: RR MS 02.24.10
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