Dating with MS

[sparkle13]

I was wondering if I can get some advice on dating. I'm 29 years old and I was diagnosed with MS last year. Until I was diagnosed, I always dreamed of getting married and having children. But now, I am so scared to go out there and date. I have it in my head that nobody is going to want me now because I am a burden. At least I feel like a burden. I can't help but think, who is going to want to be with me and have to take care of me all the time if things get really bad? How am I ever going to get comfortable enough with somebody to tell them the embarassing problems that I have? Will they even stick around after hearing them? I figured I wouldn't even tell a guy I was dating that I have MS until we've been dating for at least 3 months. I just don't know what to do. I keep thinking maybe I should just stay single.

[WHEREWEBEGAN]

I dont think you need to stay single. nobody should have to be alone. honesty, im not saying tell your whole life on the first date. but i think that the sooner you tell him the better. and dont look at yourself as a bourdon. when you find the right person, they should want to do anything they possibly can to make things easier for you and except you for who you are, and if they dont than well, i guess there not the right one afterall. good luck, i hope you find someone special

[sparkle13]

You're right. It's just so nerve wracking thinking about telling somebody that I have an incurable disease that might render me handicap in the future. I want them to get to know me for me before I tell them you know? That way it's not in the front of their mind the whole time and doesn't get in their way of getting to know me. And you're right that if they can't accept it then they're not for me. Thank you for the advice!

[lovebeingmommy]

Hi
My husband has MS and if I had known while we were dating I still would have married him.
If you fnd the right person and he loves he he will love you no matter what.
And try not to think about all of the negative aspects. You can still have kids and my husbands dr told him he does not ever think he will be in a wheel chair.
Encourage who you date to educate themselves. I freaked out when I found out my husband had MS and that was due to my own ignorance. I knew nothing about the disease nothing about the medications, etc. Now that I have educated myself I have a whole new outlook.
Be confident. And if they do not want to date you they are not worth your time in the first place! You will find Mr Right.
Peace

[alstonholmer]

It is really a work of Bravery to have a relationship with a men With MS god will really do all things well the life these deices can be cured by regular checkup and regular medication don't worry about your relationship it will become good.

[Windwalker]

I am very new to the dating world, having recently (5 mo's.) separated from my wife of 29 years and my experience is limited...but

I think the MS should be disclosed as soon as it becomes apparent that there is a connection and that things might progress to a relationship. This can occur after just a few dates but depends on the individuals. In my case, I can't hide it...I'm in a wheelchair for the most part.

My experience in the on-line dating world is that even when the women are clearly interested, they read about the MS and their gone. However, there are the exceptions to the rule...they are out there.

IMO, if you are an interesting, attractive person who is fun to be with, then your going to have people interested in you. If your not then...I think the same rules apply MS or not.

Given your current condition I would say the only thing that may hold you back is yourself.

[LostCupcakes]

I completely understand this thread. I'm 28 and think I'm going to be single forever because of my MS and my new wheelchair. My various and unpredictable symptoms pretty much make me housebound and therefore an extreme burden. So I don't see how I'll ever achieve any part of the family dream that's just out of my grasp.

[spiritful]

I think they should start a singles thread on here :-) Just saying....

[Razgo]

I met my wife when she was 27 and she had MS for 7 years already. She was also using a walking stick at that stage and we have been married happily now for 20 years she is now 48. we never had kids but we didn't want any either.

the right person will come along if it's meant to be.

In fact i was driving taxi's at the time and i picked her up to take her to work.

3 months later were engaged. another 4 months later married. the rest is history

russ

[Jellyfish50]

I have been dating a man w/ MS for over 7 months, and MS-talk was on the table immediately, which was good. I appreciate that he really tells me what is going on w/ his MS symptoms, and it can be a way to develop greater intimacy, it feels to me.

So, for me, I say: go date! And, be honest with whomever it is. It doesn't have to be some 'big reveal.' It's just an important truth about yourself that you deserve to feel confident and comfortable sharing.

[kittin]

I am 64 and have not given up hope. (No more babies PLEASE)! I have someone persuing me now. I am not interested. I may have MS but I am still a catch. I will not take a pity date EVER!!!

Take care of yourself. You are more than your MS. Have interest in life and stay out there as much as you are able.

[twiztidchic]

I can totally relate. I had said the same things to my best friend a few weeks ago when I was diagnosed. And she said something that sums up everything that has been said. They don't date your MS, they date you. The right person will come along and that won't matter. The right person will stand by you and want to help you when you need it. Keep your head up! And I agree, singles thread might not be a bad idea!

[Nabbosa]

I just did a half a year of online dating, and used a rule of thumb I'd read here - disclose around the fourth date. One time when I was on the fence about how I felt about a man, I didn't feel like disclosing - and that was my signal that _I_ just wasn't that into _him_.

And think of this: you don't know if you'll ever be a "burden", and anyone can suddenly have an aneurism, stroke, traffic accident... what I mean is, even if we don't think about that on a first or second date, we're always trying to figure out if a person's positive characteristics outweigh any negatives, or potential bumps in the road.

If you tell someone about the MS and they freak out, they likely wouldn't have been a great partner in _any_ future crisis situation - the illness of an elderly parent, a future child in crisis, the house burning down.

And, frankly, having been through the MS diagnosis and dealing with it every day gives you a quality that many others have not had a chance to exhibit - you get through things that are tough and you don't give up. That's actually a very important character trait in a partner, in my opinion, and any potential partner worth his/her salt should be impressed with that!

That said, I decided to take a break after 6 months of internet dating. Things were getting hectic at work, and it had started being a little more emotionally draining than uplifting. I'll go back eventually...but a friend of mine gave me really good advice. He said, "This is supposed to be fun. If it's not, change what you're doing."

[MarySunshine]

MS is a walk in the park compared to some people's other "baggage".....

Since having MS, I have gotten divorced, been in the dating world & now have been married again for 2 years (with my husband a total of 4 years).

I put it on the table right away when I was dating (depending on the person). Most people's response depends on how you present it to them. My husband didn't seem to care too much (until he saw how steroids effected me...lol) and he's still around and loves me.

[leedback]

You definitely should not stay single! Go out there and just be honest. I was diagnosed at 19 in college after seeing this guy for a week. It was an accidental discovery because i was going in for epilepsy. I spent a week in the hospital and as soon as i got out I told him. It was hard for him to understand at first. All the usual concerns and questions but i explained everything. He went with me during the first couple of hospitalizations. Two years later he proposed and I got pregnant shortly after our graduation. His mom told me the reason he wanted to marry just recently. She said that I showed more strength and confidence then any other person he'd ever met. He appreciated that I was honest and strong enough to share my battle with him. Sometimes its hard but just get out there be honest and eventually you'll find someone that can love you for better and for worst. Dont give up!