Intimacy issues

[newme]

In some ways things are BETTER than before.

DH and I have tried different positions to make me comfortable. Also, I do take a baclofen right before bed. And a lot of what we do is not the act itself but "getting ready".

We have been married forever (okay, 35 years) so we are very comfortable with some things that other people might find weird. And I am really happy to just make him happy (if you know what I mean)

[Jenwi]

Well decided to check this thread out, now knowing I'm not alone. When my DH and I get intimancy it takes me forever to get a organsm or alot of times nothing. I'm 37, and before I got diagnose is seem like I was going through where I wanted sex all the time.. Now it like I careless, but I feel so bad for my husband. He so wonderful that he does understands. There is alot of times where I feel totally weak the hip below.
So frustrated!!!

[Niniagu]

I'm sorry your feeling like this.

[sparkle13]

I am new to this as I was just diagnosed myself last year. I found this site and decided to give it a try. This is embarassing and difficult to talk about but I'm going to go out on a limb. I asked my neurologist if MS has anything to do with the fact that I don't feel anything when I am intimate with my boyfriend for the last few years. He always thought it was him and I kept telling him it's not but I never knew what it was. I saw on a list of MS symptoms that sexual dysfuntion is a symptom which really sucks. My doctor said maybe and to ask the gyno if there's a cream I can use. Can you believe that? Am I alone in this problem? Is there anything I can do to help this problem?

[nursefairy]

This is one of the reasons I do not want to have a boyfriend/husband. I don't want to have to have sex "all" the time. Even once a week is too much.

I work full time, take care of the kid. Having sex is like running a marathon.

I used to love it...now I dread it.

[profe]

Like others have said here, I'm glad that someone brought this out into the open....My issue isn't so much with the fatigue post-sex, but the numbness.

I occasionally go through 'bouts' where the numbness from waist down pretty much negates feeling, which negates desire/libido/orgasm/etc. Fortunately I married The Best Husband E-V-E-R. He is understanding if I'm not in the mood, and he is very....generous ...in bed. So the first time I experienced the numbness, we tried a few different things, including some of the gels that "heighten her pleasure" or whatnot. Some of them worked, some not, but the key is to keep trying--IF that's what you want.

Also keep in mind that depression can seriously decrease sex drive, and depression is definitely a part of MS!!!! And if all that weren't enough, decreased sex drive is very often a side effect of lots of the meds that so many of us take. You might look into the side effects of your meds, see if any of them list it, and ask your dr if there is some alternative that you can take instead. You may be pleasantly surprised.

[beentheredonethat]

First post because I created this identity to post this info because I wouldn't want to embarrass my husband.

I've had every kind of problem I think you could have with intimacy issues and MS at one time or the other. Have had numbness, hypersensitiity and needle like pains, incontinence at times, over the years orgasm has become harder and harder (even with the peas...inside joke for old timers on this board), have had spasticity in the pelvic region, UTIs, the no desire...too darned tired days, times when no position was sustainable due to weakness or spasticity in my legs and I'd get the shakes, or my legs would lock in a position...so many issues and I always felt so bad for my husband because I just wasn't up to it sometimes, but didn't want him to feel deprived.

Then this past year, I read something from a lady who's a paraplegic, about Tenga products, specifically Tenga eggs. I'd never ever heard of a Tenga egg, had no idea what they were (they're Japanese products...but have made it to the states), but she explained they were actually products made for men to use for themselves, but she had found them, and used them to "help out" her husband when she wasn't up to being intimate. She said her husband liked them and it had added some fun and variety to their intimacy. Plus alleviated guilt for her in that she didn't have to feel her husband was "deprived."

So I ordered some off Amazon (you can get them in a six pack...there are six different kinds.) And they are everything she said and more. They do add some variety to your intimate moments and something different. They do nothing for the woman, just a way to give your husband a little "fun" when your body isn't cooperating in the sex area.

Only thing that has to work are your hands You can youtube the products, and Tenga makes lots of products, but the eggs are the least expensive and are reusable, even though they advertise them for one time use. You can wash them out with dish detergent, let them dry, and reuse them.

So I'm sure everyone will now head over to youtube to see what a Tenga egg is, LOL

Okay that's all I have to say on the subject!

[JayEm]

My sex drive has definitely gone way down, and between that and the fact that my partner has multiple herniated discs, the times when both of us are "up" for sex are few and far between. I haven't noticed feeling particularly bad afterward, and I do usually get a better night's sleep.

But between the two of us, it takes a lot of thought to come up with a position or activity that doesn't cause either of us pain, or that doesn't exhaust us, or make things impossible to continue.

I suppose that the good thing about being a lesbian is that she's in a better position to empathize with my issues, and is willing to figure out other ways of being intimate (cuddling, kissing, spending time together, talking). And since she's got her own physical limitations, it kind of comes naturally to just figure out something that actually works.

[tambrown]

I have a problem with the big moment it just doesn't happen. I have to admit I fake it because I don't want to hurt my dh. It's not him it really is me. I really miss even wanting to have sex because I fake that to it's so frustrating. I don't know if there is a solution. The desire came back slowly after my last flare. I don't know if I'm having a flare now or not but I'm having sx I haven't had in 5 yrs. Hopefully it's not forever. Tammy

[woodstock]

I don't seem to have side effects, but I just don't have the desire. When my hubby and I were first married, nine years ago, we had an awesome sex life. Then, he went overseas for 15 months (military deployment) and when he came back six years ago, the libido was off.

It wasn't something I talked to my doctor about. I'm 49 now and don't think I've started perimenopause yet, so I don't think that was it. Looking back, it was a couple of years before that when I started having symptoms that could have been the start of MS, particularly memory and language issues.

I met with a neuropsych a couple of weeks ago and have testing scheduled for mid-July. My hubby went with me and one of the things he asked about was our sex life...and we said, "What sex life?". I think he was shocked by our honesty, but we're trying to find answers. So, we'll see what the outcome of this adventure is. Perhaps he has some suggestions for our issue.

[awilson5337]

I am 42 yo and have no "feeling" down below. I cannot reach orgasm as much as I try. There is alot of pain in my hands and if I do anything for an extended amount of time I get cramps in the area I am using. Ugh! This is really hard. I would like to be more specific but not graphic (I don't want it to sound like a 'Fifty Shades' book!)
My husband is great and thoughtful but ever since I was diagnosed he treats me like a china doll.
It is really depressing. We have no intimacy and since I don't know anyone with MS I have no one to talk to that can lend an ear and maybe relate. Unfortunaly I am becomeing depressed and feel completly alone.
Is there anyone out there that has any ideas? I will try pretty much anything.

Thanks

[MrsChip]

Originally Posted by lynnepynne

a big thank you to everyone who opened up un-silenced/talked about this totally private and really intimate issue!!!

You know you read about all the stuff that can come with physical / emotional disability but that your sex life goes down the drain. Didn't see that coming.
Well since I posted this it would seem that the whole "spasticity and numbness" thing after sex is no longer an issue. I am not having any sex. Totally disinterested. For the first time since, well, since I have been in relationships. It bothers me in theory but mainly for my poor partner (who has been totally understanding btw. Which kinda unnerves me, doesnt he miss it?)

But mainly: I just dont seem to care about it anymore. My libido is so low it is like I am a-sexual. It's like my partner and I are good pals. We hug and that's about it. Can't even really remember what the ba-hoo was all about. (even though it wasn't that long ago.) It's scary.

This came over me in the course of about 4 weeks (while I was having a relapse of sorts. The non-walking-well kind) and now, though I have pretty much recovered my body and psyche have said goodbye to sex. Like my inner Queen has died
Anybody ever get their libido back?!?!?!

When my hubby and I get intimate, my legs shake during and for a while after although im not too bad when walking. He just laughs it off to make me feel better and says that most men would be envious of getting that reaction from their wife

I've not had much of a libido for a few years so Im also interested in anyone who got it back/got improved libido and what they did?

[michelerenee]

I really appreciate all of you opening up and talking about this!

I have had leg spasticity and such during sex, but i think that just eggs DH on..lol..

We are fortunate that we have a great sex life, I still want to do it, etc. I will take it while its there.

My problem is that often afterwards I am completely unable to move..completely weak..Sometimes even feel the effects the next day.

For us though right now its a reasonable trade off. LOL

[nkh18]

When my libido was was low, my Dr. prescribed a testosterone cream to use. It has really helped for the desire. You may want to check into it.

[JudySz]

I also have no feeling but my problem is dh. He never wants to have sex anymore. It really depresses me and I think he does not love me, but part of his problem is himself...He works alot and comes home and drives me around. he cannot retire cause it is lousy, so he has to work a few more years.


we still hug and kiss so I know he still cares but even when we sleep and my leg shakes he gets worried. I think he does not want me to feel worse, but it is making me feel worse cause I miss thatintimacy.

JudySz