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General Questions and Answers For learning, sharing your experience, and exchanging information about Multiple Sclerosis. Please discuss medications in the Medications forum, and natural supplements in Tara's forum.

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  #1  
Old 11-08-2011, 03:17 PM
ms.rosetta.blue ms.rosetta.blue is offline
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why do people pretend to care ?

i don't get it

if you don't care or ae going to be turned off by someone being a little different than you or the people you know are..then don't act like you care to begin with

it is more hurtful than being ignored in the first place
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  #2  
Old 11-08-2011, 03:32 PM
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I totally agree, Ms. Rosetta.
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  #3  
Old 11-08-2011, 04:03 PM
tommylee tommylee is offline
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People pretend to care to make themselves feel better.
Nobody want to admit they are self-centered,unavailable people that have no time to help.
Everybody likes to think of themselves as wonderful people.

The truth is too ugly to face, so we fake it.
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  #4  
Old 11-08-2011, 04:08 PM
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valeriem2220 valeriem2220 is offline
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Absolutely agree!
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  #5  
Old 11-08-2011, 05:03 PM
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CasinoKathy CasinoKathy is offline
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I dunno- cause they maybe don't know what to say? And this way it makes them look good? I know that I tend to lose patience with others and their trivial complaints about how tired they are, or how this aches or that aches. Then I would like to give them my list of daily symptoms which ms has so generously given me!!! I try to tell myself that they don't understand and it's not their fault, but that really doesn't sit too good with me anymore.
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  #6  
Old 11-08-2011, 06:17 PM
Thinkimjob Thinkimjob is online now
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Many people just aren't really all that nice.
Others, like CasinoKathy said, don't know what to say, and they worry they'll say the wrong thing. (Most of us have been there ourselves when someone we know loses someone they loved.)
And some get scared you're going to get needy, and don't want to get involved.
One or two will actually believe MS is contagious, I kid you not.
There's nothing like an incurable disease to tell you who your friends are.
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  #7  
Old 11-09-2011, 08:56 AM
ms.rosetta.blue ms.rosetta.blue is offline
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unfortunately i am not even talking about people being like this only for reasons of being uncomfortable speaking to someone with MS (i am not yet diagnosed after all) ..but just in general ..whenever i do meet someone that obviously and genuinely cares..it is like a miracle, a true event to be celebrated ..because it does not happen so often......i'm tired of being the one doing the reaching out to others and no one doing any reaching out to me....i know that sounds childish and selfish, but i'm just sick of feeling alone and have been having a really hard time lately...i can't get any sleep, i just want to cry....and since i am not diagnosed it's as if my symptoms are just totally unreal to people and that somehow a diagnosis of MS or whatever it ends up being or not being will change evvvverything..and suddenly it won't just "be all in my head"..but that probably won't even change anything either



i can't even hardly share my suspicions with anyone around me without them expressing their doubt...like they actually have something to base that doubt on...and in turn making me doubt myself, think myself to be crazy...making it even harder to make an appointment at all...it is hard enough as it is for me to call the clinic, let alone actually GO to the appointment...there are just so many barriers ..they are mostly self-imposed, but nonetheless real and true things that make me very uncomfortable....it's not as easy as it seems to be for a lot of people

thanks for all the responses and support you guys, it is appreciated
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  #8  
Old 11-09-2011, 10:54 AM
502E79 502E79 is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sparky10 View Post
Sometimes anything said will be negatively received, no matter the intent or nice it is presented.

Exactly. I've quoted Anis Nin before but... again.

"We don't see things as they are. We see them as we are."

Jer
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  #9  
Old 11-09-2011, 12:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jazzgirl View Post
I totally agree, Ms. Rosetta.
me too!
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  #10  
Old 11-09-2011, 12:18 PM
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empirerecs empirerecs is offline
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I agree too. And then I'm surprised and run away when someone actually does care and want to help - I have no idea what to do with someone like that, it's so rare!

I think it's even worse if it's a family member. Mine didn't really even pretend, they just disappeared.

I don't think I could ever do that to anyone, I'll never understand it - I keep my therapists employed over it all!
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  #11  
Old 03-17-2014, 09:01 PM
katerina2014 katerina2014 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ms.rosetta.blue View Post
unfortunately i am not even talking about people being like this only for reasons of being uncomfortable speaking to someone with MS (i am not yet diagnosed after all) ..but just in general ..whenever i do meet someone that obviously and genuinely cares..it is like a miracle, a true event to be celebrated ..because it does not happen so often......i'm tired of being the one doing the reaching out to others and no one doing any reaching out to me....i know that sounds childish and selfish, but i'm just sick of feeling alone and have been having a really hard time lately...i can't get any sleep, i just want to cry....and since i am not diagnosed it's as if my symptoms are just totally unreal to people and that somehow a diagnosis of MS or whatever it ends up being or not being will change evvvverything..and suddenly it won't just "be all in my head"..but that probably won't even change anything either



i can't even hardly share my suspicions with anyone around me without them expressing their doubt...like they actually have something to base that doubt on...and in turn making me doubt myself, think myself to be crazy...making it even harder to make an appointment at all...it is hard enough as it is for me to call the clinic, let alone actually GO to the appointment...there are just so many barriers ..they are mostly self-imposed, but nonetheless real and true things that make me very uncomfortable....it's not as easy as it seems to be for a lot of people

thanks for all the responses and support you guys, it is appreciated
Rosetta, you are NOT crazy! Make an appointment, go to the appointment and take care of yourself. Don't pay attention to those people who treat you that way. Look to make friends with people who will support you! There are supportive people out there! You just need to look for them! As for the kind of people you describe, I know exactly what you mean. I don't have MS,but I have something else that is very serious and I need an operation for it and if it is advanced, I may die from it soon (though I pray not!) and even though I have been diagnosed and what I have is very serious, various people still treat me the way you describe! So it's not you, it's them! I pray for healing for both of us. x
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