Gay Male Couples Coping with MS

[drmarc]

I would like to know if there are any gay male couples out there who would like to connect. It would be nice to find a couple to talk to and share experiences dealing with MS as a gay male couple. See my profile and email us to say hi.

drmarc

[LouPerodi]

Hello Dr Mark. This is your favorite DJ from up north. I was recently diagnosed and me and my partner are having quite a time adjusting. I'd love to talk and learn about your experiences dealing with your partner's MS.

[JFK43]

Originally Posted by drmarc

I would like to know if there are any gay male couples out there who would like to connect. It would be nice to find a couple to talk to and share experiences dealing with MS as a gay male couple. See my profile and email us to say hi.

drmarc

Hi Marc,

I'm interested in connecting as we have similar situations and I've been with my partner for 25 years. Was diagnosed with MS about 1 year ago, so it's tough to accept and luckily have my partner's support.

Regards, Jim

[shep0454]

Thank you for this!! I was dx with MS a year and a half ago! I have a partner of nearly 12 years who is currently supporting us since I am no longer able to work and am becoming more unable to care for personal hygiene and participate as an 'equal' in chores for daily living! It's not fair to Shannon...or me! I was the Dom at the beginning of our union...and within four to five years, the numbing out below the waist has stopped our intimacy since he is a total bottom! Sorry fellas about being so graphic....but where in the hell else do we as gay men/couples turn for help!

My neurologist has told me flatly that he doesn't want to deal with the sexual disfunction...no, REALLY!!! Shannon is 14 years younger than I am and NO! I don't want an open relationship sexually! I waited most of my life for a commited gay partnership/marriage and I'm the first to admit that it would tear me apart to know, let alone, participate in inviting others into our bed! So, I have applied to an apartment complex where there are 24/7 staffing available if I should have an emergency and Shannon and I have began the process of separation! He is having a fit...yet I know this is best...for both of us! Even though he is an exclusive bottom, I can adjust to being a bottom with the physical limitations that MS has presented to my body!

My medical team endorses this move to the apartment for my safety. I have been so lost not knowing where to turn....so thank you all for if nothing else, allowing me to share! But even saying that, I would appreciate your feed back and comments...which would allow me to continue to examine this plan! I wish all of you the best...and am more than willing to provide an ear and compassionate shoulder to anyone who needs to talk, even virtually, concerning how MS impacts us as men and our sexual health!
Blessings!
SHEP

[andeolus]

Originally Posted by shep0454

Thank you for this!! I was dx with MS a year and a half ago! I have a partner of nearly 12 years who is currently supporting us since I am no longer able to work and am becoming more unable to care for personal hygiene and participate as an 'equal' in chores for daily living! It's not fair to Shannon...or me! I was the Dom at the beginning of our union...and within four to five years, the numbing out below the waist has stopped our intimacy since he is a total bottom! Sorry fellas about being so graphic....but where in the hell else do we as gay men/couples turn for help!

My neurologist has told me flatly that he doesn't want to deal with the sexual disfunction...no, REALLY!!! Shannon is 14 years younger than I am and NO! I don't want an open relationship sexually! I waited most of my life for a commited gay partnership/marriage and I'm the first to admit that it would tear me apart to know, let alone, participate in inviting others into our bed! So, I have applied to an apartment complex where there are 24/7 staffing available if I should have an emergency and Shannon and I have began the process of separation! He is having a fit...yet I know this is best...for both of us! Even though he is an exclusive bottom, I can adjust to being a bottom with the physical limitations that MS has presented to my body!

My medical team endorses this move to the apartment for my safety. I have been so lost not knowing where to turn....so thank you all for if nothing else, allowing me to share! But even saying that, I would appreciate your feed back and comments...which would allow me to continue to examine this plan! I wish all of you the best...and am more than willing to provide an ear and compassionate shoulder to anyone who needs to talk, even virtually, concerning how MS impacts us as men and our sexual health!
Blessings!
SHEP

There's a lot going on in the post and hopefully you can resolve them. I think the first thing you need to do is either insist that your neurologist help you with your sexual dysfunction or find another doctor to help treat it. That's a fairly common symptom of MS and the fact that he has no interest in helping you treat it is irresponsible.

I was able to talk to my neurologist about issues I'd been having and after doing my own research I was able to suggest treatment I wanted to pursue. I'm currently on a low dose of daily Cialis and have been able to treat my dysfunction successfully. I encourage to do your own research, find a treatment that can work for you, then speak with you neurologist again. If he won't help you, maybe see a urologist or you general practitioner.

As far as your relationship goes, has your partner mentioned that he wanted an open relationship? You said you didn't want that, but you didn't say if that's what he wanted. Maybe it's time for you two to talk about role reversal if that's what would work for you two.

Also, why are you separating if he doesn't want to? Again, you didn't say in your post if this was something you were both talking about and decided it would be for the best. I kind of got the impression you're sort of making the decision for him and that's not really fair to you or him. If he's willing to hang in there and it upsets him that you want to break up that says to me that he really wants to try and make it work.

It might also be a good idea to look into couple's counseling. A safe environment where you can both talk about your feelings with a trained professional could do wonders for your relationship. It might also help you two get on the same page about your relationship and promote communication.

Good luck to you both!

[drmarc]

Hi Lou, JFK, and Shep,

I have not been on MS World in many many months. I think gay couples with MS have a unique challange and the loss of the "gay lifestyle" is much too much to take. We don't have the kids or grandkids coming over on the weekends and we don't have the friends who like to hang out at home and watch endless hours of television. Going from RR to Progressive is night and day and our tolerance for those who are RR is thin given that the difficulties we face are very different.

It would be great to connect with other couples who are facing the progressive form of this disease. I too would be curious to know how others cope with it.

We like to say that our days are filled with a series of "Meltdowns," 1, 2, 3, 4 or more.

I like to say that our life pre-MS was the child we never had and to lose that life is losing our child. You never accept it, or move forward. Just as when a parent loses a child everything reminds them of the loss - friends' children going on to college, getting married, becoming pregnant, so too when we see friends going out, taking trips, and enjoying the "lifestyle" the memory of what we have lost is very painful and bitter...

I believe only gay couples who lived the "lifestyle" can truly get the analogy...as I'm sure you, Lou, get.

Peace out!

p.s. I type fast and don't review, so I apologize for any errors