Dating with MS

[Nanobaby]

Don't be single if you don't want to be.

But first - love yourself in spite of the MS. Do not compromise that in hopes that somebody else can do it for you.

So get comfortable in your own skin, then just get out there and meet people. The right man will love you for you no matter what.

Me, I've chosen not to date in the interim because all I can think about right now is getting my next horse.

[grace4et]

ive just pretty much given up on the dating thing(32yrs old). i just feel like this ms mess has taken so much of me, i mean its not a moment that im awake that im not reminded of it. im all achy and numb and tingling and spastic just laying in bed and when im on my feet the balancing act begins along with the locate all nearest bathrooms alert and stiff tight legs.


all ive been managing to do is go to work drag myself(like climbing a mountain) through the day and come home to get off my feet rest to suffer all over again the next day...sorry to ramble on but no im not even part of the dating seen anymore.


just dont want to be the couple everyone is looking at if walking down the street or something like whats wrong with her(i see how guys look at me with a smile until they see me in motion doing the drunk walk) or just being a burden to anyone and really cant take the stress of another broken heart...its been three years and i was hop skipping and jumping around before it and just got worse ever since.....just dont want to take the risk of doing more damage with that kind of stress...not in the best mood 2nite

[Barbierow]

I just watched a movie on TCM. It was an old movie, but it was full of life's lessons and meanings. You have to keep in mind that none of us can predict the future. I dated a man for six years and told him right away that I had MS. He didn't run away. He and I had many great times together. Ironically, he was the one who got sick with cancer. I lost him two years ago. Although, it's been very sad and lonely for me, I'm grateful for the times we had together. You deserve to have someone in your life. If you tell him you have MS and he doesn't want to date you because of it, then he's not the right one for you. Believe in yourself and don't let MS control you. You're in charge of your own life. Good luck.
Sincerely,
Barbierow

[Nebbykoo]

I was corresponding with a woman on OKcupid. This morning she sent me a note saying that 'I just can't take on MS at this point in my life.' I told her that I thought she might say that, and that is was OK (At least she was honest).
Then I suspended my account. It's just not worth the wear and tear on my soul to try that anymore.

[Westgrl]

I'm in the same boat, single with MS. It is very scary. I think it's the fear of rejection and being vulnerable.

I was thinking the other day that maybe I was lucky to be dx while I was single. You hear of so many people getting divorced because their spouse just couldn't handle the change they saw, the extra work, or just the idea of it.

At least when you go into a relationship with MS, they know up front. So if they run for the hills, I'd rather know now that years later. And really, those people that run the other way, they could end up with a perfectly healthy person but whose to say in 10 years they will still be healthy?

Nobody knows what the future will throw at any of us but at least in our case, they get a little heads up

[Jules A]

Originally Posted by Nebbykoo

I was corresponding with a woman on OKcupid. This morning she sent me a note saying that 'I just can't take on MS at this point in my life.' I told her that I thought she might say that, and that is was OK (At least she was honest).
Then I suspended my account. It's just not worth the wear and tear on my soul to try that anymore.

As hurtful as this might have been I agree that it was better she be upfront rather than make you both miserable down the road.

[aitch10]

Originally Posted by Jules A

As hurtful as this might have been I agree that it was better she be upfront rather than make you both miserable down the road.

What Jules said. I'm all about YOU being upfront about having MS AND potential mates being upfront about being able to handle it or not.

Honesty makes things easier for everyone in the long run.

Originally Posted by Nebbykoo

I was corresponding with a woman on OKcupid. This morning she sent me a note saying that 'I just can't take on MS at this point in my life.' I told her that I thought she might say that, and that is was OK (At least she was honest).
Then I suspended my account. It's just not worth the wear and tear on my soul to try that anymore.

Don't give up. On a related matter, I was just thinking of something I was trying to do and kept failing. After a long time, I figured that was enough failure - but I kept going and now the failure period seems like a short time and I'm glad I had the experience and use it now. It was just a lack of patience and persistence that made it feel like it was time to give up. Keep trying, you have nothing to lose!


You need to find the right time to expose those things. Wanting to get the anxiety over with by telling too soon is not a good strategy.

[hobbit]

Diagnosed at 30, two little kids, abusive husband. Fast forward 5 years and I was a single mother of 2 with an incarcerated ex-husband (pure movie of the week kind of stuff), oh yeah, and I still had MS.

Honestly, all I was looking for was a good time. Met a friend of a friend. Fast forward 13 years and we're still together, married six of those. A man that sheltered me and my children as if they were his (he claims them as such).

I may have baggage, MS and some scary stories, but I must have some game too, he's 13 yrs. my junior!

[Scooter24]

Glad to hear your story hobbit, there is somebody out there for everyone, just takes time to find them and sometimes they are starring you in the face before you realize it. That is what happened to me.

[tuesdayschild]

I married my late husband when I was 26 and he was 41. We were both (as far as we knew) healthy, active, with the whole world in front of us. Then entered diabetes which had been undiagnosed in him since he was a child. Before our 5th anniversary, when our youngest child wasn't even 3 months old, he had his first heart attack. A year later he had his second and was disabled (they were both catastrophic).

He got more and more disabled as time went on and his complications of diabetes gave birth to their own complications. It went on for 15 years, that I was mom to 4 young kids, his sole caregiver and stressed out crazy lady doing her best to be all things to all people.

It was hard. Unbelievably hard. We didn't do it well or gracefully all the time. He got mad. I got mad. We both got mad. Sometimes it was at each other, sometimes the disease process, sometimes ourselves.

It was a financial nightmare.

My family thought I should leave -- as if, I had promised better/worse, sickness/health and meant it.

In the midst of all the insanity, there was LOVE. Steadfast, abiding and true. And we found things to laugh about. We grew as people and understood that love is NOT just a feel, it is a VERB.

It was the hardest and most rewarding thing I have ever done. And I miss him every day since he died but I'm thrilled that he no longer suffers.

And, in all honestly, I'm sometimes kind of angry that he isn't here to help take care of me when I need it. Flip that over and I'm glad he isn't here to watch this. It would hurt him immeasurably.

So what I've gone a long way to say here is don't miss out on any opportunity to love. Be always open and honest with the people who matter about who you are and what you can and can't do but don't miss any opportunities to love because of a disease or condition whether you're the one who has it and you're trying to protect someone or you're the well one struggling with a loved one's diagnosis.

Life is short. Love is all there is.

Off my soapbox now and hope I haven't offended anyone.

Shelby

[misaligned]

I know how you feel. I've pretty much got it in my head tjat i'll be single for the forseeable future. I'm 29 as well and my life has DEFINATELY NOT went the way I planned.

[PanicStation]

I've been reading through this thread over the last few days and this afternoon my dad showed me an article in the paper and it reminded me of you, I'll attach the link to the bottom and show you. I found it very interesting. - http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/ar...=feeds-newsxml

[Westgrl]

Panic - great article! And there is a link to another MS group in the article that seems pretty cool.