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    What should I have done?

    Gamely lurching from car to chemist yesterday, when I noticed a schoolgirl, maybe 10 years old, just staring at me. She even turned around as she was walking to keep looking.

    She didn't appear to be mentally challenged.

    I have never been aware of anyone doing this before, though I'm sure they look and then look away, which is fine, I suppose.

    A few people have said something stupid in the past about was I drunk, did I know I was lame etc, to which you can reply if you're in the mood.

    Most children just ask what's wrong with me, in an innocent, genuinely interested way and I tell them.

    But this staring child - (apart from "get over it", you're an adult) what should I have done? I would have liked a word with her mother about general good manners, but she was on her own.

    #2
    10 year olds are inquisitive and they can be rude at times, but they can also be very empathetic. She just did not understand what was going on.

    I think I would have smiled and said to her, "I sure do walk funny, yes?" Which she would have most likely affirmed. Then said, "It is because I have a condition called Multiple Sclerosis and unfortunately it makes me walk this way. Sure wish I could fix it, but I can't. But from the looks of it you are walking really good today, Yes. (Child shakes head) "Ah...that's good. Hope to see you again some day soon."

    I would have left it at that, waved goodbye, and moved on. I guarantee she would have either spoken with her parent or do some research on her own, and hopefully develop some empathy.

    If one was to be mean with her she would probably associate negativity from all people with a disability.
    Katie
    "Yep, I have MS, and it does have Me!"
    "My MS is a Journey for One."
    Dx: 1999 DMDS: Avonex, Copaxone, Rebif, currently on Tysabri

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      #3
      I'm not sure there's much you could have done besides tell her that it's impolite to stare.

      I often get the 'you must be drunk' side eye when walking or the 'you must be lazy' side eye when using my scooter, but I tend to let it slide. Especially if kids are the culprits.
      Aitch - Writer, historian, wondermom. First symptoms in my teens, DX'd in my twenties, disabled in my thirties. Still the luckiest girl in the world.

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        #4
        I agree with Katie. I think that the child was curious but probably didn't feel able to ask a question. Maybe she was told not to talk to strangers, who knows!

        Thinkimjob, I'm wondering why this little girl's stare is still on your mind? Do YOU feel bad? Why does it bother you so much?

        I think the anger you felt may not have anything to do with the child but more with your situation. Understandably so! Maybe the lack of understanding society has about disabilities? Maybe your discomfort about your gait?

        It could be that I'm reading too much into this, in which case I still agree with Katie's response.

        When I can laugh at my experiences, I own them and they don't own me!

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          #5
          I tend to give kids a pass, but at 10yoa they probably suffer Y&F Syndrome = Young and Foolish, a disorder that often progresses to O&F Syndrome = old and foolish.

          For younger children, I smile, shake my finger at them when playing too close to the street, my driveway and similar situations involving younger kids. While driving, I sometimes use the smile and scold-finger-shake on adults, versus the impulse to flip off someone acting a fool, it makes me feel superior.

          In the situation you describe, I'm not sure what I would have done, although I'm sure I would have felt the 'sting' of unwanted "scrutiny" of some silly, dumb or rude kid.

          You should allow yourself a day or two to reflect on your feelings about it. Then put it away. Too much negetive energy you could 'spend' doing something positive. Dwelling on it won't change a thing, except causing you to repeatedly relive the negative experience.

          Comment


            #6
            Hey my Aussie Friend

            I hope you are not feeling bad over the actions of a 10 year old. This is what 10 year olds do, much to the dismay of their parents. If this was an adult, boy oh boy would that be a much different story.

            You know, I raised a couple of those young and foolish critters, and to my great fortune one is a medical doctor and the other is on their way to be a social worker. At 10 years old, they too would have stared, but it would have been out of curiosity.

            I read a story in the paper recently that a young man on a sports team got cancer. He was going to have to go through chemo and lose all his hair and make him so sick. The parents explained this to the team of kids ahead of time so that they knew what to expect and so they would not pick on the child.

            Well, once the child started chemo and started losing all his hair, all those kids went to the barber and had their heads shaved so the little boy did not have to feel so alone.

            It takes adults to teach children, but it has to be done in the right way. If you want to teach a child empathy and compassion, you have to do it with kindness. And it does indeed take a Community to raise a child.

            Anyway, I sincerely hope that you were not hurt by this incident. I truly do. Next time confront that child in a very caring and loving way...you never know what kind of positive impact you will have on that child's life and they will be so much richer for it.
            Katie
            "Yep, I have MS, and it does have Me!"
            "My MS is a Journey for One."
            Dx: 1999 DMDS: Avonex, Copaxone, Rebif, currently on Tysabri

            Comment


              #7
              I'm fine, really. It was more a light bulb realization moment.

              Just back from a funeral (neighbour's mother) where I was ushered to my pew by a dear old 90 year-old WWII veteran. He gave me his arm to lean on. Nearly cried.

              I think it is more about what's happened vis a vis my MS.

              I didn't particularly enjoy the years of having an invisible disability, but at least you could crack hearty most of the time.

              Time, alas, has passed, and I'm the poster girl for gait problems, and there's no pretending to myself or the world that all is well.

              Anyhoo, could be much worse. Only three months until Breaking Bad is back on TV!

              Comment


                #8
                It might be possible, the 'kids' parents are alcoholics and walk like ThinkImjob: The kid was, most likely wondering, "Looks like I have a new relative!" LOL You never know, what that kid use's for her, "norml" geiger counter.

                I expect, she is still wondering if you are related!

                or The kid was an Extra Terrestrial and you were the first alien, she encountered.

                or, most of us aren't brave enough to purposefully walk around like a drunk, in public! like me.

                I try not to over think, a kids re-action. More has to do with, where they have been, as opposed to, where you are.

                The part of this thread is your pain, of having to be seated by a 90 year old..offering you his arm, to lean on. Maybe, you needed it, more than you know? Sometimes being so tough, only measure's you up to impossible standards, you May be, setting for yourself.

                Doesn't sound like you are giving M.S. any breaks and will be tough, until, it gets, too tough, to be.

                You had a sad day, reflecting on our mortality and weakness's. Sounds like, you could have used; a break, today. Next time, lean a bit. It might feel good!

                fed

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                  #9
                  what about this?

                  You know, we sometimes feel uncomfortable that other people don't realize that we have a condition that causes us to look drunk, or to walk funny.....
                  It is very possible that this little person also had a condition that is mostly invisible, that involves her ability to act appropriately in social situations, like maybe even Asperger's syndrome. You said she looked "normal"---so do we---perhaps she had some condition that impacted her, either emotional or developmental, and even though she looked "normal" (so do we), maybe she was impacted by something not visible to you....
                  In any event, kids are the easiest to teach, as they have few pre-concieved notions. I agree with a previous poster who suggested a friendly and direct response--"I look a little silly, huh? I have a sickness that makes me walk this way called MS. But its okay, and we all have stuff to deal with....".....

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                    #10
                    Ya know what? I have been spending a lot of time with some of our WWII Vets, it has been a wonderful experience and pretty inspiring.

                    And as a retired military person myself, I have never, and I mean never met a group of guys so proud, so patriotic and such true gentlemen to the core.

                    Thinkimjob...I am here to tell you, that gentleman was proud to escort you down that aisle. You were his mission that day, and it made him feel useful. It was probably a positive experience for both of you.

                    Few of us get to meet a WWII vet that is still alive today.
                    Katie
                    "Yep, I have MS, and it does have Me!"
                    "My MS is a Journey for One."
                    Dx: 1999 DMDS: Avonex, Copaxone, Rebif, currently on Tysabri

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