Delay Speaking with People

[its2much]

I've found myself delaying speaking to people about important matters as I'm afraid I'll misspeak, lose my thought(s), have difficulties in understanding what they're saying, etc. Does anyone else do this?

[ridgerunnr11]

Slow on the uptake

I find that I have problems keeping up with conversations... by the time I have digested an idea and have come up with a reply the conversation is three steps past where I should have inserted statement. It's frustrating during work meetings when multiple people are speaking in rapid sequence and I have trouble parsing what is important to me to be able to respond to and what is dross. So I end up siting silently. My preferred method anymore is emails... I can take my time and compose my thoughts into a logical sequence and respond in my own time.

[Ikaika]

I find email or text works better for me as well- to have more opportunity to compose my thoughts. That is also why I shop online mostly- amazon prime, what an awesome investment.

My doctor explained it is all the sensory stimulation that causes the concentration, cog issues to be even more challenging...However, I know we need to speak in real life

I find that my thoughts either go slow like the previous post mentioned, or they go so fast and are scattered. Most people seem to be patient with me, especially when I confirm that I am being clear so they can understand, and follow me.

Typically, I need to think ahead of time what I will say, then get up energy to actually use my brain and body- that's a whole other post- but we don't always have that luxury.

So as my husband says...the turtle won the race!!
Go at the pace we need to be most efficient, and before we know it, we've beat the hare

[its2much]

Been trying to make

a phone call for well over a week now but hesitate to do so because of cognitive issues as well as fatigue. No one seems to understand it.

[cconnolly5]

delayed speaking

I have similar issues as well...I feel like I cannot keep up with the conversation that is before me and now, more than ever, I find myself constantly interrupting the person that is speaking (and HATE that for them) for fear that I will (and do) forget what it was I wanted to contribute to the conversation (and of course what I have to say is important you know LOL).

It appears that the DELAY I experience is worse when I am asked a question of any kind...the answer comes quickly in my brain and gets stuck there taking me what I feel like forever to get my mouth to speak the words. The strangest part of it all is that my ability to type the words that are stuck in my brain is effortless…go figure right?

All of this is so very frustrating for me and my family...I am, though, starting to train them (ha ha) to be as patient as possible with this and if they really want or need the answer or my input they have a choice to either wait or not because I don't have what I called that luxury of naturally being able to communicate as I once did - - just another adjustment and adapting to the circumstances is how I see it! Thanks for letting me share

** Moderator's note - Post broken into paragraphs for easier reading. Many people with MS have visual difficulties that prevent them from reading large blocks of print. **

[Ikaika]

a phone call for well over a week now but hesitate to do so because of cognitive issues as well as fatigue. No one seems to understand it.

I understand it, its2much. And I am confident virtually everyone on these forums understand too- we are not alone! Although it feels like it at times. but we are NOT alone in this.

I also find myself interrupting (I hate that too, so rude) because my brain physically hurts when a thought is not carried through- miss weird. It literally hurts.

Someone in my MS support group called it, function stopping. It's like hitting a wall but yet you didn't go very fast to earn that type of impact.

My doctor reminds me to "trim the fat". For others that are not patient dealing with this, we can't control. And it expends energy we don't have to try and communicate this- that seems to be where the black hole starts.

Please remember that it only takes one person to show us kindness, patience and/or compassion to help us through the muck of the rest.

I come to these forums at times for exactly that reason alone. When the world around me, and in my body, seems to be too much- I just need that energy we can only get through support.

Please keep in your heart and mind that although we don't always communicate how and what we want to, or others want us to, we always have something to say thank you for. ALWAYS. If you have a day where you can't think of feel one, know I say extra thanks for you sharing here and helping me.

Keep calm and give thanks. We ARE getting through this. Together.

[cconnolly5]

And this is another reason why I surf these posts because I don't feel alone when I know others understand and can relate to "me" Thank You!

I do get so very angry when what I want/need to get out of my mouth doesn't AND YES it hurts my head too AND the world around me stops AND I use all that's left inside to continue functioning...I know this very well...go to sleep many nights with that PAIN in my head.

How about when you feel one way inside and when it comes out it comes out totally off the wall opposite of what you were actually feeling and wanting to express - - might have to do with the effects of PBA because I deal with that as an added feature of this disease...lucky me The uncontrollable laughing is one of my favorites at the appropriate times of course!

[J-Bo]

How about when you feel one way inside and when it comes out it comes out totally off the wall opposite of what you were actually feeling and wanting to express

Yes, all the time! And I think that often, my facial expressions don't match how I feel either. And when the two happen at the same time, communication really breaks down.

[cconnolly5]

I have been accused of the "faces" thing too - I always used to have many facial expressions to everything and quite honestly enjoyed expressing myself this way...I was so very animated, and yet now, however, my facial expressions today appear to be a lot different than what I am really feeling inside and think that the outside world sees. Yes, the communication breakdown is awful - - makes me feel bad that I look & feel different than how it actually is coming out...WHEW, and I thought I was the sensitive one LOL

[its2much]

Many times

it's not clear to me what the other person is saying or means what they're saying and you can only ask them to repeat it, what they mean a few times during a conversation a few times - after the conversation is over I think about it for days trying to put it together to understand what exactly why/what they said/meant.

[cconnolly5]

I get what you're saying...this happens to me and creates issues for me...it's like you are still processing what you were listening to and the processing continues and doesn't stop until you're presented with something else that begins to process and so on and so on...Makes me feel paranoid, insecure, and just plain CRAZY...AND then I get accused of being confused all the time - I don't see this as being confused at all and that really burns me up - - my brain won't shut off the processing part with a lot of different things! I feel for you because it happens to me.

[Irish.girl]

Yes!!! And the more important the conversation the more frustrating it is!

During conversations, especially group meetings or noisy social events, the more I try to pay attention the more it feels like words are falling out of the sentences I am listening to.

So, there I am listening and trying to catch falling words at the same time. Sometimes I get tired from following the falling words that I just completely zone out.

I believe it happens all the time to me. When I am at home talking with family or casually speaking with friends, I try to let go of the frustration quickly since it is not worth the added effort.

But when talking with my doctors or when I used to try to hold conversations at work, it it much harder to accept and work around.

When I am responding the words/thoughts seem to fly off. So incoming words/thoughts are dropping out and outgoing they are flying away.

Thank you, Ikikia, for sharing your doctor's comments about sensory overload contributing.

And, yes, unfortunately.... I'm an interrupter, too, for the same reason. Let me get it out before it flies away!

[palmtree]

This one really hits home for me. I never like to interrupt when I'm having a friendly conversation. If I had the impulse to interrupt, I used to flag it somewhere in my brain to bring up when there was a lull in the conversation. Now, when that lull comes, my mind is a complete blank.

I say, "I forgot what I was going to say." If the person is still there after five minutes I bring it up again which, by then, is completely out of context.

Another thing. I often think about someone and wonder how they are doing with something. Then, when I see them, I go away from the conversation still wondering because I forgot to ask.

[sunshine008]

oh yes! you are not alone, clearly from all those that have jumped in.

i also get jumbled up messages, so when someone is talking too fast my brain can't understand what their saying and it just sounds like mumbo jumbo

i just tell them hey me brain damaged, remember? ya gotta talk slower please i used to try to hide it, i don't anymore

[daraslyte]

delayed speech continued

Wow im not alone then.What i mean is people ecspecially my family interrupt me all the time and then i lose my train of thought and forget what i want to say.

I have explained it to them several times that they need to let me finish talking and why but they dont listen. It really frustates me becuse i can never get a full sentence out without someone interrupting it seems like.

Then my family wonders why i get so upset with them, go figure. They also will do it on purpose too because they know how it affects me, because they will grin or laugh about it.

I find myself alot not wanting to say alot because im afraid of being interrupted or forgetting what i have to say, because just 1 little distaction will make me forget everything i wanted to say. Man thats so annoying.

Then if i get interrupted enough and forget what i have to say i will start stuttering and have trouble finding the words to say. So i have to say i agree its a pain to deal with it.