Intimacy issues

[lynnepynne]

Sex or walking.
Choose one.
This seems to be my problem with being intimate with my partner. This is kind of embarrassing to talk about but as I am here "with the girls" I am just gonna say it:
If my partner and I are, ahem, intimate, even if I am not very active at all (lucky me ) I may get spasms in my legs or loose feeling during AND I get completely fatigued (weak, wobbly, shaky, vibrating) legs after.

Since I was thinking lately I might be going into a flare or whatever for the past weeks (as I have had a marked increase of most of my usual stuff/symptoms/crap including lots of spasticity. Like if I do anything I feel like I was run over by a truck while my muscles get stiffer and I get slower and slower )

So my partner being extra special nice to me basically means that for the rest of the day I would actually need to rest to "recover" (which of course is not possible and so I drag my limp footed, spastic legged, tired, snail paced person to work, the store etc.)

It just all seems wildly out of proportion with this kind of activity. Since I can't walk any distance without my cane and I am struggling anyway, but c'mon I was just laying there doing virtually nothing!!!

Plus it seems kinda mean. Puts me off of sex because the consequences are just too high...

Anybody else know what I'm talking about?
Lynne

[Sara Angela]

Sorry, you are having trouble! I wonder if taking a Baclofen before sex might help? My husband has ED problems, so we haven't had sex in a while...

Sara

[lynnepynne]

Thanks Sara for your help!
I am definitely going to the dr. this week anyway for baclofen (although I can't decide which is worse: the spasticity or the weakness. I am afraid baclofen will make me even more tired and weaker and might take away the support I am getting through the spasticity. Hmmmm...)
I guess some things you just have to accept and move on. This whatever-illness-I-have (I am undiagnosed) has taken so much already, guess my sex life is just the next new thing. But I will just hope it will come and go...
Best,
Lynne

[lh3lm3]

Lynne - thanks for sharing your experience. So often people are not willing to discuss how symptoms affect their sex life.

There are times when I experience L'Hermittes, numbness, pain, and/or fatigue during sex - it can really take away from the moment (or, like you said, the entire day).

My husband and I have tried new positions that are more comfortable or require less energy from me and that helps some.

Good luck at the doctor - I hope you find out information that will help you feel inspired and strong.

Warmly,
Lisa

[lynnepynne]

Thank you Lisa!
It helps me a lot that you relate and answered

yes, I bet your right: a lot of folks may not feel comfortable talking about their symptoms and sex life.

I think in general I am just sad and feeling so limited because having physical problems is hard enough on a relationship and sexuality is such an important part of of maintaining intimacy.

I am hoping when this phase of fatigue and spasticity moves on things will get better too. (and until then I will be at least trying to get relief with baclofen)

I hope you find out information that will help you feel inspired and strong.

Thanks!!!
Lynne

[lh3lm3]

Hi Lynne. I hope the Baclofen helps - please do keep us posted.
Warmly,
Lisa

[kballard72]

the liberator website has some very cool things that happen to work great for us. we have the wedge ramp combo....

symptoms include llerhmits, spasticity, etc...

[TwoCAnne]

During sex I sometimes get numbness or sudden pains that make me cry out. My husband usually misinterprets this, lol.

I'm sorry your having such difficulty. This is actually one of my biggest concerns. It has such an impact on how desirable and sexy we feel. It is also one of those gauges of "normal" for me.

I hope, like you said, this comes and goes for you vs being a constant for you.

[Mynamegoeshere1]

I've lost all interest in sex. I get the urge maybe once every few weeks and it's usually after my husband is out for the night. He is not one to like to be woken up for any reason, so we just have been going without. It's so sad. We are newlyweds, even though we were married in July after living together for a few years beforehand. He works so hard all day long and comes home and takes care of me. Such a great man. I wish I could take care of him better in that way.

[MSSINCE09]

Sex has been a big issue for us too. I no longer feel like doing some of the things we used to do before I was diagnosed. I just dont feel like that sexy girl anymore. I feel like a 97 y/o trapped in a 37 year olds body.

We have always had great sex but me not wanting to do some things as often has him calling me mother teresa from time to time. I dont feel like mother teresa. I find I compare my self to these women, and that makes me wonder if he is doing the same.

At this time I just need him to love me and only want me.

Now I am completely embarrased but oh well. Putting it on paper made me feel kinda better.

[jlambert16]

I swear every time we have sex it causes my symptoms to get worse the next day. My husband thinks I'm crazy but it's true! My back pain and leg pain intensifies and I feel like I need the whole next day to recover. My husband is always asking why I never want to have sex. Men are just clueless sometimes.

[Tinkerbell65]

Like a couple of you ladies have mentioned, I too, pay the price the day after but haven't said anything to my husband about it yet. I feel like he's so good and so accepting of me and all of the MS crap I kind of feel like I owe him despite not feeling sexy or in the mood. Ordered some stuff online- hoping it will inspire me/get me in the mood again.

Nice to be able to come here and talk about how you really feel!

[cranberrysauce]

Mynamegoeshere1 - I am in your boat. I'm a newlywed and I just have no interest anymore.

We've been living together for several years before too. When we first lived together we had roommates and we joked about how nice it would be when we eventually had no roommates. When that finally happened I got diagnosed with MS.

Sometimes I avoid things because of my symptoms because it does make me go numb, tingly, fatigued and doesn't shake off easily. Other times I think I'm just so stressed or fatigued.

I tried to talk to my gyno about it. He told me that low sex drive usually comes from stress and exhaustion. Well what the heck am I supposed to do about that. I said "I have MS, I'm always stressed and exhausted?!"

[Mynamegoeshere1]

Sometimes I think drs just have no common sense. I'm about to start going to a gyno that sees a lot of patients specifically with ms and see if she can help with answers.

[lynnepynne]

a big thank you to everyone who opened up un-silenced/talked about this totally private and really intimate issue!!!

You know you read about all the stuff that can come with physical / emotional disability but that your sex life goes down the drain. Didn't see that coming.
Well since I posted this it would seem that the whole "spasticity and numbness" thing after sex is no longer an issue. I am not having any sex. Totally disinterested. For the first time since, well, since I have been in relationships. It bothers me in theory but mainly for my poor partner (who has been totally understanding btw. Which kinda unnerves me, doesnt he miss it?)

But mainly: I just dont seem to care about it anymore. My libido is so low it is like I am a-sexual. It's like my partner and I are good pals. We hug and that's about it. Can't even really remember what the ba-hoo was all about. (even though it wasn't that long ago.) It's scary.

This came over me in the course of about 4 weeks (while I was having a relapse of sorts. The non-walking-well kind) and now, though I have pretty much recovered my body and psyche have said goodbye to sex. Like my inner Queen has died
Anybody ever get their libido back?!?!?!