hello

[WHEREWEBEGAN]

hi. i am new to this forum so i will start by telling you a little about myself. i do not have ms, but my fiance was diagnosed with ms almost a year ago. it has been so hard for her and i haven't shown my concern as i should have been. it's such a hard thing to accept, and i guess i was in denial and didn't want to accept it. we are currently taking a break right now, and she is so scared for her life and cards she has been dealt.

i have been learning more and more about it, but i want to learn as much as i possibly can about this life altering disease. she feels as though that she will ruin my life because of it and doesn't want to bring me down with her but i feel the opposite. all i want to do is be there to help her do this any way i possibly can. she means everything to me, and i don't ever want to see her try to do this alone.

i will tell you a little about her. it started with really bad back pain, then numbness and tingling in her legs. then it got so bad she had to go see someone. then they found that it was attacking her back and thats what caused it. so they did all kinds of tests and found lesions on her brain. and then she was diagnosed. she has good days and bad days. currently her face is numb on the one side. its just so hard that you wake up one day and your world is flipped upside down. some days she has no energy and can barely get through the day.

so i am asking for help. how can i make her more comfortable? how can i make it easier on her? how can i show that i will be there for her? and any info you can give me to help would be great. thank you so much

Originally Posted by WHEREWEBEGAN

she is so scared for her life and cards she has been dealt.

This is the bottomline here...she is scared. And most of us were or are, especially during the first year, because we have to come to grips with our diagnosis.

Her reaction to you is very common unfortunately. And my hats off to you for being so dedicated to her. You truly do seem to love and care for her.

What she needs is some more time, and a Support Group, like here at MSWorld. I would also encourage her to see a counselor who deals with people facing chronic disease. Maybe you both can go together.

The thing about MS is, you can read all sorts of scary things on the internet, and not all of them are true, nor will they particularly happen to her. MS is a very individual disease and it affects all of us very differently. She needs to become educated about the disease, and I think this forum is the best place to do it. She will get the "straight scoop" and probably feel a lot better about it.

Just because she has MS, her life is far from over. Right now, you really can't fix her...she will have to do that herself...and she will in time.

So, in sum, maybe you can just make the recommendation of joining MSWorld, going to a counselor, and then back off just a bit, but let her know often that you are there for the long-run and when she is ready for you guys to continue on with your future plans that you will be ready.

Cheers--Katie

[gomer]

First WELCOME.......... and congrats on you wanting to help.

There are worse things than MS, especially if it takes a mild course. I have MS complications going back to my teens and I have been blessed with a mild course. I could not play sports and such in HS but I have done many many things in my life. I simply did things I COULD DO, and adapted to things over the decades.

I am also a 32 year (as of Feb) cancer survivor. I never expected to see my kids grow up, let alone enjoy 2 grand-kids.

Hang around here, there is a fantastic knowledge base here, as well a boat load of experienced help and support.

Feel free to ASK anything here, nothing is taboo when it comes to MS questions. There is only one dumb stupid question, and that is the one NOT ASKED! The more you know, the better you can help her, and help yourself as well. Knowledge is power.. plain and simple.

Come on over to Rest Area 51 for newbies. We do a fresh thread each week geared for newbies and newbies at heart, that goes for partners as well. There is also a forum here called Relationships and Carepartnering you should check out.

Again WELCOME, glad you found us, just sorry for the reason. Remember we are HERE for you and her, feel to VENT as needed, we all need to vent or blow of steam once in a while.

Gomer Sir Falls-a-lot

[Tomjadg]

Welcome.

What Katie said. It is different with everyone.

I would be lost without my wife, who does a lot of the things at home that I used to do. You can help her by carrying things up and down steps. Bringing in groceries, and really anything physical to take the strain off her.

You both will learn to adjust.

[Sequoia]

Welcome to MSWorld, WHEREWEBEGAN!

I've moved your thread to the "Relationships and Carepartnering" forum, where you will find other threads by the significant others/spouses of people with MS. Hopefully you will also get more responses to your own thread from people who are caregivers themselves.

Best wishes to you...and to your fiance.

[WHEREWEBEGAN]

thank you, i think that is a better place

[WHEREWEBEGAN]

thank you katie and gomer. and katie she is already a member of this place, and she is seeing someone to talk about her feelings and to help cope. its just really hard right now for me to try to give her space. we have been together almost 5 years and we have been through so many hard times. i just want to be there for her. but i will take your advice. we have our own place and it hurts so bad because she is moving out to her parents and im afraid for what will happen. i know that there is a chance that we might not get back together and it hurts, but i dont want her to face this alone. she has family, but they cant always be there for her. i have just never had so much love for someone. but i will be looking into more information and learn as much as i can. any other advice would be greatly appreciated katie because i know that this is one of the things that cant be understood unless experianced for yourself. and i have so much respect for those who have to face this. thanks, Ryan

Originally Posted by WHEREWEBEGAN

we have been together almost 5 years and we have been through so many hard times. i just want to be there for her. but i will take your advice. we have our own place and it hurts so bad because she is moving out to her parents and im afraid for what will happen. i know that there is a chance that we might not get back together and it hurts, but i dont want her to face this alone.

Hi Ryan-

Well...I am glad that she is here at MSWorld and I am glad she is receiving counseling. If she has moved out,[B] she is definitely seeking her own space[/B] and that might be because she is depressed, scared, or maybe she feels Mom and Dad are the ones she needs to be with right now. I don't know...only she knows the exact reason.

I do know your heart is busting. 5-years is a long time...her leaving probably feels like a divorce. She might change her mind, but I will be honest moving back with Mom and Dad is not a good sign. Maybe this is your new reality.

May I suggest you[B] set a time limit[/B], maybe 6-months, and if at that point, she has not come around, you will just have to move on. And during that time, maybe some counseling for you will help too?

We all only get one life and need to make the most of it each day. You can't change her, she has to do that herself. She might not want to change. Only time will tell, and I would certainly put a limit on that time...because you have a life too.

I am hoping the best for [B][U]BOTH [/U][/B]of you.

Katie

Ryan-

I just read your other post. I don't want to be rude, but I think there is more going on than what you are disclosing in this thread.

Katie

[WHEREWEBEGAN]

thanks katie. and i know it hurts. but we are staying friends its just hard for me to keep that in perspective. and she doesnt want to live with her parents, her goal is to get her own place but has to get some money together. we still hang out, and see each other. and i will always have hope for the future that we can possibly be together and try again. but for now if i can atleast be a friend to her i will be happy. i want her to be a part of my life as much as i want to be a part of hers. but i do know that she feels as though she will ruin my life with her having ms. and that is not the case. there is so much i want to talk to her about and to express but im trying not to be overbearing and respect her space at the same time. thank you, i am really glad i joined this site and i will continue to post and maybe i can give other people advice on some things, but i always want to be there for her. Ryan

[WHEREWEBEGAN]

there is a lot going on, i don't want to say everything because i don't want her to hearsay this and me tell her business, but i feel guilty for not being there when i should have. i didn't take the time to understand ms when i should have. i haven't been the best to her as i should have, not that i didnt want to i just kept thinking that maybe she was misdiagnosed and denied the fact of what it really is. the way i feel is true, but i want to do what i can for her. you're not rude and if i am being rude or wrong please tell me. if you want i will give you the whole situation, i feel like a miserable human being.

[WHEREWEBEGAN]

i don't think my last post went through, so i will try again. but there is a lot going on. i haven't been there for her as much as i should have. i didn't accept the fact that it was ms, i kept thinking that maybe she was misdiagnosed, i feel like a piece of **** and realize how bad this really is. she has always been the best person to me and i didnt give her the same respect back.

i only started learning as much as i have in the past month or so. and i cant believe how oblivious i have been. and your not rude i just dont want to post the whole situation here because i dont want her to see me telling everyone her business. if i am being rude or wrong please tell me. i just want to know as much as i can and help as much as i can