I don't know what this title should be.

[sulphur kennel]

This is not a question or an answer or even a complaint. It might be all three. My husband and I have a couple of friends that have a get together once a year with food, drink (byob), and a band. My husband helps with all of the cooking. I usually don't go until later than he does because I feel like I don't belong. When I start getting tired I have trouble making the words I want to say actually leave my mouth. I don't drink but will have a sip but not anything more. I try to "bank" my energy so that on the day of the party I am not as tired as usual. This party sometimes doesn't break up until 3 or 4 am. I love this couple and I don't want to be anti-social but sometimes this is just too much for me. It is almost time for this year's party. I hope I have a good one this year.

[poohb3ar]

'to party or not to party'

that is the question. and possible title.

sulphur kenner, when you say a party with a 'couple' of friends, do you literally mean 2 friends?
i ask because it's easier to get away or out of a bigger party or get together than an intimate one.

how does your husband feel about you coming late? if he's okay with it, especially if he realizes your body just can't do that much at once, would he be okay you going home early? alone or together, if he's all done with the cooking.

my friends understand if i can't stay long or even if i can't make it to a get together at all.

do they know you have MS? if not, i can see why you're worried about being considered anti-social. But a party to 3 in the morning, that's extreme for healthy people.

not sure if you wanted an answer on this, but just wanted you to know that you're being heard.
i'm sorry something fun, is a stressor and a problem. such is life with MS (yeah, it stinks!)

when your words don't work is really frustrating.
plenty of words leave my mouth, unfortunately they are the wrong words or even nonsense words.
it's best to say as little as possible during those times or just take that as your cue to scram.

good luck with the party. i hope you find a solution.

God bless ya,
poohb3ar

[sulphur kennel]

Thank you

It is a large party and this couple do know that I have MS. Last year, I crashed in my car for a couple of hours but I just felt like I should be enjoying the crawfish and friends instead of hiding out. I wish I could enjoy this one time of year.
Thanks again,
KC

[palmtree]

I love your title. It is so enticing. Brings a sense of mystery.

Oh that feeling of not being go able to get the words out. How I know what you are talking about! Everyone is communicating at lightening speed and I have to find the word in my brain. It used to be filed in the right front and it's now somewhere near the back. Aha! I've found the word I wanted to say. Try to get it out of my mouth but my tongue won't cooperate and I have to figure out how to form the words. By then, everyone has changed the subject and they are bored.

You sound like you strategize really well. You make sure you are rested and come late.
It is a great opportunity socialize and stay connected. I've been refining my ability to join in on the conversation non- verbally. A laugh, eye expressions, facial expressions, hand gestures...if I want to impress someone with my eloquence, they should have met me 40 years ago.

IMHO I think it's better to come late and stay with everyone until the end of the party. Getting up and leaving in the middle kind of takes the energy out of the party. If you don't come until 12, they can look forward to your appearance. Have Fun!

[pennstater]

I think of all the days gone by when I could party or just stay awake until 3am. I am a night owl by nature, but MS and age have redefined it some for me.

It sounds like a fun party, but I understand your dread. In addition to the fatigue, loud rooms/conversations do me in. The band, I would have to be as far away as possible.

Me, I would probably make an appearance for a few hours and then head safely home (assuming the party wasn't a long drive). So I could be social for awhile and then enjoy my quiet. But I am guessing you may be your husband's designated driver. If so, then taking a nap is the best alternative if he has no other options to get home or can't stay over your friends for the evening.

Amazing, years ago, I never would have thought social gatherings could be so stressful. But they are now.

[sulphur kennel]

Designated Driver

That's me! It takes place just 2 miles from my house. My DH knows it is hard for me to socialize and understands why I prefer to be late to this get together. It is very informal and I always wait until after the families with children leave. Screaming kids really stress me out. I will definitely try to get plenty of rest before I go and I will carry a pillow for a nap if I have to have one.
Thank you all for your input. I never realized how much I missed my old self.

[Tawanda]

Stimulant Rx perhaps?

Poohb3r- Great title idea! Or what about, "Should I stay or should I go?"
Palmtree-the "mystery title" was intriguing to me as well! I HAD to read this post!
Sulphur kennel-getting a mixed vibe. First you wrote, "I don't feel like I belong" but then you continue to discuss how important it is for you to go. For you, or for your husband? Both reasons are acceptable, btw.

I was a professional partier in college and continued to party long after...way too long after! One of my first jobs out of college was as an assistant manager/social director at an apartment complex where most all of the residents were 20-something. My job was like a combination rental agent/bartender! Nowadays, I would much rather watch paint dry than "party"! I am officially "partied out" and have been for years, even before MS!

However, if I do have something I really want to do but can't muster the energy, I enlist the help of Provigel (there are plenty of stimulants that can be rxed for MS fatigue, but this is the one that works best for me - I have tried them all). It's not the perfect solution (what is?), but it does give me the needed boost of energy to get the job done (sadly "having fun" has become a job now!). It is not like I can manufacture new energy by simply taking a pill, but I can "borrow" it from my next day's energy bank. I am careful not to make plans after a "Provigel Day". I will need a bunch of rest the following day. I HATE needing drugs just to do something everyone else my age and older seems to do so easily and naturally but sometimes it's simply the only option.

Good luck...let us know how it turns out!