should I be MAD or SAD?

[hunterd]

this morning my wife said to me "the problem is your legs are broken." I told her, "my legs may be broken, but my feelings are not." After I thought about it, I was not sure what I should be feeling.
what does everyone think? I told her that it was one of the dumbest things I have ever heard. I am so upset with this that I did not go with my family ( wife, son, and daughter) 2C the movie "Star Wars" that I really want to see.

[TaoWarrior]

Not sure of the context of the statement. There have been times I have said similar things about myself before depending on what is going on. So it is possible she said it without thinking and didn't mean for it to hurt you.

I guess maybe you should talk to her and see why she said it especially if she knew it would hurt your feelings.

[Jules A]

I couldn't begin to speculate as to what she meant because you didn't give us any context.

What I can say as someone who has been married for years is that part of the package is sometimes saying something that is either insensitive or will be taken as insensitive. My choices include either ignoring it or delving into it further. Usually ignoring it, especially if isn't a pattern which it has not been in my marriage, is my preferred choice especially as someone who has made more than triple their fair share of bone head comments in my 50 years.

I learned long ago not to miss out on something I want to do because I was pissed at my husband, friend or family member because its usually short lived and cutting my nose off to spite my face never really worked for me. Unfortunately might have also upset your kids who I would imagine were looking forward to sharing the experience with you.

[hunterd]

a little background, we have been married for 25 years next June. She has repeatedly said "I am no Florence Nightingale". She no longer cares for me because IM "broken".
When she said that about my legs, she said so in a mean tone. I told her that which she said was really mean and she told me that it makes up for all of the times in the past that I have said something that hurt her feelings.
I had an aide one time that went with me to get my blood drawn. The lady that was drawing my blood was being rude and talking down to me and she said "just because his legs do not work does not mean that his brain does not work either". Too bad she was not around today.
maybe I am just having one of those "poor me" days.

[Tia1]

(hugs)

I'm sorry that your having a bad day. Make sure to tell the kids as much, so they will know that it had nothing to do with them.

I'm sorry that your wife made you feel bad and didn't apologize when you pointed it out. She will probably think you guys are even since you pulled out on the family activity. If possible apologize to all and move forward.

Sounds like your wife will not get the spouse of the year award and this time of year can make us yearn for more out of life and the holidays in general. Its also a great time to forgive. Don't let it carry into the new year or affect your children.

Take a few days and try to let it go, if you can.

I know how hard the bad days can be.

[hunterd]

"Take a few days and try to let it go, if you can."
LOL. I am lucky if I remember things in an hour, let alone a couple days! ROFLMBO

[Karenkay]

2C the movie "Star Wars" that I really want to see.

Should have went to the movie. Would have helped you to forget the argument for a couple hours. BTW, it was a great movie!

[pennstater]

I know for me, if having a bad day, something my husband has said before and we laughed about, gets a different reaction. We have learned that on those days, I let him know it is a bad day and he knows then that I am not myself and passes on the jokes. On bad days, tone sometimes can be magnified for me.

That being said, it does sound like it was hurtful. I am sorry it went that way for you. Do you guys get a break from each other to do things separately? We all need a little room sometimes. My parents loved each other very much, but you could tell when they needed a few hours. Dad would usually back out of stuff
and Mom would then go...both were annoyed with each other, but after, all fine. Not the healthiest way to go about it, but it worked for them.

I hope you go take the movie in. Maybe the kids will want to go again. If not, go anyway!

[palmtree]

This may or may not be a comfort but I will offer it. At least she didn't say, "you are crazy and defective and I'm fed up with you." It was just your legs. You know your relationship and what is meant as a criticism and what is not.

But it's possible to say, 'you have broken legs but you are still the greatest and I love you.' Maybe deep down that's how it is for her.

If she says it again, you could say, "I have broken legs but I'm still terrific and you love me". Then give her a kiss and smile. She might take a second look.

[JerryD]

Yeah, Hunter ! I get that kick in the shorts, too. I am sorry that I am disabled ! That's my response to all of these indignities, whomever foists them on me. I don't get MAD, I get even ! Good luck

[Seasha]

I hope you go take the movie in. Maybe the kids will want to go again. If not, go anyway!

I like this idea, hunterd. If they are like the majority of kids, they'll want to see it again!!
So sorry and sad about your situation

[Kimba22]

I like this idea, hunterd. If they are like the majority of kids, they'll want to see it again!!
So sorry and sad about your situation

Ditto, hunterd. Even the movie critique on one of our local TV stations said he was going to pay to see it again! I hope you're kids will take up the chance to see it again with you.

It's never right to tell someone they are broken because of their disability, and I'm sorry your wife says this to you. It's also a very poor example to your kids. I think that's very sad.

Hugs, and I hope you'll still find an opportunity to see the movie!

[Jules A]

Yeah, Hunter ! I get that kick in the shorts, too. I am sorry that I am disabled ! That's my response to all of these indignities, whomever foists them on me. I don't get MAD, I get even ! Good luck

I love this response. If the person has any heart this will let them know just how awful their comment was and if they don't have any heart unfortunately nothing you do is going to change that.

Hunterd I was hoping you were just being overly sensitive, which we are all entitled to sometimes, but it sounds like you think she was being mean spirited. That is sad. It sounds like you are going to need a thick skin which isn't easy. I totally agree with the suggestions to invite your kids to go to the movie again. Hang in there.

[mjan]

So sorry you are feeling dismissed and your feelings ignored.
But to me, perhaps your wife is just tired and now resentful that
her needs, hopes and ambitions are not met either.

Yes, have a pity-party for one (sorry no one else is invited).
BUT limit the time you feel sorry for yourself.
Set a limit, get your angry hurt feelings out.
Do the "silent" scream !! (into a pillow helps)
then go and do something good for yourself, that comforts
you. I use music, sing, or laugh to comedy.

BUT come one folks, our families, esp our partners/spouses
are being jipped out of the "could've beens, should've beens"
too.. right?

Work on identifying and getting through the RESENTMENT that this
disease can often lead to ..best you can.

And yes, it is good you come here to vent, get that much needed support
and understanding.

HUGSs to ALL!!
Jan

[KatieAgain]

My EX use to call me broken all the time. It hurts. Especially when it is done repeatedly.

I would of done the exact same thing you did. Not the correct thing really, but at the time you are so hurt you withdraw. Been there...done that.

Get someone to take you to see Star Wars at another time.