I feel like Alice in Wonderland right now.

[BadAttitude]

According to plan I am scheduled for an abbreviated neuropsych test this afternoon at 2pm. My state's bureau of vocational rehab paid for one to be conducted about five months ago preparatory to being accepted for BVR services and they used that test to determine that I have a disability (cognitive deficits acquired during a relapse and fifteen years of MS). In that time I have satisfied the requirements of the unemployment compensation system while conducting a job search, while waiting for BVR to figure out what to do with me. They haven't really known what to do with me because they outsource assessments and the agency I chose to receive assessments from was unresponsive for over two months.

We just switched agencies at the same time I received a written job offer. Cut to the chase: Trying to figure out if Ritalin will help me manage cognitive deficits,I asked for BVR to consider scheduling the second neuropsych evaluation to provide a test of results with Ritalin and without. The first test was conducted without; today's will be conducted with...same neuropsych, same testing content, same span of time to conduct test with, same brain, more or less... I am sitting here staring at the pill and feeling a bit odd about what to expect. I have always been a very active, focused person when I have a goal...in the last five years I would have to say I have been a bit scattered.

I guess it's a good thing having a tool to help me determine whether to rule out using Ritalin or not; I should know by the conclusion of this testing. Wish me luck - bottoms up! Oh, and for the record, since my relapse in March I have lost 35 pounds. Not a bad side effect, but the new job dress code is business casual, which is a step up for me. None of my clothes fit anymore and the only thing I had to wear at the last two jobs was informal, as in, jeans. I'm facing deadlines out the wazoo and now I have to figure out how to implement a wardrobe ugrade. I HATE clothes shopping with a passion.

[Seasha]

Good luck! Glad the BVR is working with you on the assessment. Let us know how it goes.

And congrats on the weight loss if that was your intention.
Good luck with shopping too. Lots of sales going on this time of year if you can stomach the crowds

[BadAttitude]

Thanks, Seasha. The weight loss was a result of depression from losing my job, having the relapse, wondering what was going to happen next, anxiety from personal relationships going wonky... It is a funny thing, eating when you're depressed, then NOT eating because you have no appetite because you're depressed. I mean, I wasn't even hungry for like, ten weeks. Anyway, my appetite seems about normal again, so I need to stay on reduced calories or gain the weight back, but honestly I prefer eating light these days to the point that any hunger pangs get silenced but that's all, nothing more. I really don't like feeling full or even satisfied, if that makes sense. I want to feel just a little on edge, like I could still eat, but don't have to.

After I took the Ritalin (10 mg.) this morning at 9:45 am, then puttered around doing my usual chores...I felt no different whatsoever. A bit anticlimactic, really. I was afraid I'd have all sorts of weird things going on, like I feel when my brain is overloaded and it is literally spinning in circles going over the same problem and backtracking to second guess and double-check its work, with all the internal panic that I might be wrong...but that didn't happen. The neuropsych gave me my results after the end of the testing and it seems like I scored significantly better overall than my first evaluation. So at least I know the Ritalin didn't make my cognitive deficits worse. I'm taking the results with a grain of salt though, because my first neuropsych evaluation was done only two weeks after my Lemtrada infusion, job loss, resultant depression, marital strife, and anxiety. Boy, was I anxious. I think I might have scored lower on nthe first test because of the depression and anxiety, in addition to not being quite all healed up from the relapse.

I will finish out the month's prescription of Ritalin and then go without for a little while to see if I notice a downhill trend in its absence. This was what the neuropsych suggested that I try, to get a better gauge on what it might be doing for me. He was at a loss to take credit for the Ritalin boosting my test scores, but I was overjoyed to see that my IQ scores jumped fifteen points, short term memory and math climbed as well, perceptual memory (envisioning shapes and patterns) also climbed, and my extended retention of facts also did better.

Further conversation with the neuropsych revealed that based on my behavioral history, I am probably not ADHD so much as ADD, and in his experience, a different drug called Strattera gets prescribed for adults with ADD. I will have to ask my neuro's nurse practitioner about that if I notice a decline in function when I discontinue the Ritalin.

So tasks remaining to me:

• Compile references for the business owner for whom I'll be working
• Sign and date the offer letter and send it to him electronically, along with three professional references
• Find out how to obtain the formal application he wants me to fill out
• Assemble some kind of business casual wardrobe for a week (ugh)

And since I'm avoiding the tough work...it's time to practice my guitar. Thanks for your response to my thread! Explaining what is going on helps me get my thoughts in order.