don't know what to do - my exact thoughts

[KatieAgain]

Ex was sentenced to 12 years, which in Illinois meant 6 years. Between him and the MS, I felt like I was living on borrowed time. Two months after he was released, a police officer was at my door (we moved six times in a 3 year period, he had a lot of family). I was informed he stole a gun, he stole a car and he had my address. The police dept. left an empty squad car in front of my house. Ex discovered there was an APB out for him from Illinois to Tennessee, he decided to commit suicide rather than go back to prison.

I danced a jig, I sang loudly, I cheered and I have no regrets. I have never once, ever spoken badly of him in front of my children. I didn't have too, his own actions spoke for him.
''
We are all scarred and we always will be but like MS, you roll with the punches (pun intended). I will never allow anyone to hit me again, rape me again, abuse me mentally or physically. If my children learned anything it would be that the Phoenix does rise from the ashes.

My life reads like a really bad Lifetime "Movie of the Week", lol.

Peace,
Anna

Anna you are a good person. Your story does not suprise me...what is wrong with peope? How does someone turn into such a bad seed?

You had every right to dance. What a relief he has return to the Earth and is nothing more than Carbon now.

And yes...The Phoenix dies rise from the ashes.

((((HUGS)))

[Marie12]

well, I guess it's good I don't have a car, cause I'm still here? He seems calmer,

but didn't bring up the statement. And I knew if I did, it would be on MY way out the door. Hmm, I guess I know how really different we are. If he had ppms, I'd spend every minute of every day working and helping him.

I'm still thinking of getting a car, but know it would be a risk for him, because I'd b long gone, who knows where. And since I'm not healthy, I probably won't get far.

So, right now, Jesus is really, really helping me figure out what to do, where to go . . .

Hobbit - You have amazing strength, which I am sure, scared your cowardice ex. Sounds like he is where he belongs. I am sure your children have learned a tremendous amount from you.

Marie12 - It is hard for us to deal with our losses, just as it can be for our spouses. It doesn't give your husband the right to take it out on you though. I hope it was just a bad day on his part.

[hobbit]

Thank you all

Thank you all for the support, I won't say it was easy, it wasn't and still isn't, I am prone to panic attacks and I can only sleep for two hours at a time (house check time).

Marie, the thing that kept me going was realizing how much worse it could have been, I was lucky. Many women do not survive the separation in an abusive situation, an exit strategy is a must. Something I learned after the fact, of course.

I have been told by friends to write a book, which to me seems ludicrous, a familiar tale abused child grows into an abused woman, not sure who would want to read it. The biggest reason is, there are doors in my mind's eye, I cannot open, I cannot relive. I shielded my children from the violence as much as possible (always directed at me, not them). Even if I could manage to write the words, the blood, the pain, the abject humiliation, I couldn't bear for them to read it. I have an obligation to protect them still.

I stole your post, Marie, not my intention. Your pain is no less than mine, your despair is no less than mine. I empathize with you whole-heartedly. This disease we share has stolen so much from us, beyond our control. No one has the right to steal anything more from you, that we can control.

Peace,
Anna

[Marie12]

Anna, you didn't steal my post. You are wonderful!

I must admit, that my dad was ALWAYS very mean to my mom and us kids. One time, our aunt, my mom's sister, picked up me and my brother from gradeschool and took us to her house. We didn't know why.
Well, it turns out, our mom was in the hospital, because my dad had physically harmed her. Well, of course they got back together, and his main concern was that I shouldn't tell anyone.
He didn't physically hurt my mom again, just the verbal abuse started up again, after a while.

Well, I was very careful, and never thought my husband would be like that. But, here I am still here, and he never mentioned that he was "sorry." Hmm, I'll wait until my daughters are here to discuss. Embarrassed, I hope so!

Thank you all for the support, I won't say it was easy, it wasn't and still isn't, I am prone to panic attacks and I can only sleep for two hours at a time (house check time).

Marie, the thing that kept me going was realizing how much worse it could have been, I was lucky. Many women do not survive the separation in an abusive situation, an exit strategy is a must. Something I learned after the fact, of course.

I have been told by friends to write a book, which to me seems ludicrous, a familiar tale abused child grows into an abused woman, not sure who would want to read it. The biggest reason is, there are doors in my mind's eye, I cannot open, I cannot relive. I shielded my children from the violence as much as possible (always directed at me, not them). Even if I could manage to write the words, the blood, the pain, the abject humiliation, I couldn't bear for them to read it. I have an obligation to protect them still.

I stole your post, Marie, not my intention. Your pain is no less than mine, your despair is no less than mine. I empathize with you whole-heartedly. This disease we share has stolen so much from us, beyond our control. No one has the right to steal anything more from you, that we can control.

Peace,
Anna

[SEAMSGUY]

Oh my gosh, Ladies, your stories are beyond horrible. How can human beings treat other human beings the way you've been treated? All that you've been given to deal with and then you have these monsters in your lives too.

You are all inspirational beyond words.

It's stories like yours that make me fell ashamed to be a man.

S.

[hobbit]

Seamsguy, it goes both ways.

I am sure, there are many men on this site alone, that have been abandoned by women because of a disease beyond our control.

As for the violence, if you're embarrassed than you are not part of the problem. Violent men use stories like mine as validation that their behavior is acceptable.

My husband is a truly, wonderful bear of a man who walked into a ready made family with a woman carrying considerable baggage, mentally and physically, with eyes wide open. In 17 years, he has raised a hand to me only to keep me from falling, he has raised his voice only in my defense, he is the unsung hero, who for reasons I have yet to fathom, worships me. Despite it all, I am a lucky woman.

Peace,
Anna

[Brittan]

Restraining orders are a joke

Yes my dad was abusive and my mom tried to protect us the best she could. If she had somewhere to go we would have left him well before the time we did but also my younger brother had a rare heart condition so if we did leave he could most likely track us through the health records. Unfortunately my younger brother passed then my dad became a lot worse. At this point we were lucky enough to get help from my mom's work who transferred her to another state but before this transfer he followed us from one place to another and when we called 911 they would say 'Is it your father again?' so needless to say they wouldn't show up. He could sit in a parking lot across from where we were living because it was public property so he could watch us everyday and the cops wouldn't do anything.

As I got older I was lucky enough to run into many crazies ... they put on a good act but my mom was always there to help me out and told me I was strong for leaving. I didn't want an abusive relationship. One even became a talker and we had to move and we were lucky because the weekend we moved he was sitting outside in the public parking lot across the street ... I swear they must have a handbook for this stuff.

But ladies, you are strong not only for leaving but for breaking the abusive cycle. Knowing that it is wrong and protecting your children from harms way. Some may take longer than others to leave due to circumstances out of their control but I do pray they make it out. Having an exit plan is imperative to get away from these crazies.

And I do believe verbal and mental abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. I know the physical abuse in my relationship started out as mental abuse then progressed every time because they need to break you down and feel isolated so they can take complete control.

I know my son is what gave me all the strength I needed because I did not what him to grow up in an abusive situation as I did.

Stay strong and much love to all.

[Brittan]

I would've replied with "That makes both of us" or "I'm tired of me having ppms too" I know men get frustrated but when they say such spiteful things it does hit the core of who we are because we know we suffer everyday and feeling as though are loved ones are not supporting us and possibly giving you the feeling that they may leave because their tired of us being sick it is hard - heart breaking. Sometimes I think they keep everything in such as worrying about us that when they do say something - they just totally display Stupid. Because men do not talk about our health - they bottle it up and hold all their worries in. How do we get them to open up and express their concerns/worries without them feeling weak or unmanly (stupid stereotype)?

I'm still upset over his comment Friday, "That he is tired of me having ppms.

[Brittan]

It's funny ... us ladies push ourselves to take care of our sick men and take care of the house, kids, etc but why do they fall short on this? "Ow poor baby you got a bee sting - let me help you with that." "Ow you bumped your toe that must have hurt ... let me get you some ice." Yeah frustrating. It makes you want to kick them in their rear and then see what they say ... lol.

Men keep their feelings bottled up ... that is one main flaw. My husband never talks about his feelings towards my health but we got in an argument and he finally said he is worried about me and he just wants me to be better and that he is scared for me so he tries not to think about it. But he helps when I'm bed ridden but on other days - it's all me trying to take care of everything or just trying to survive another day. I also don't let my conditions from him going out with friends etc. I want him and my kids to try to have the most normal life possible as limited as it may be.

But I know when am man spits our rude comments it is like a stake in the heart. If he seems more bothered then usual see if he will open up about his feelings. Because just like you imagined having a normal life, he did too and that has changed due to illness and as much as it hurts you it hurts him too especially feeling helpless. If this doesn't work just kick him in the head ... lol.

I know when my man says rude things - it does make you question the relationship. It's hard especially when they don't talk about it or change the subject when you bring it up. That's what I normally get - change of subject. Once in a blue moon he may listen and reply.

I know our illness has taken our livelihood but we need to try and initiate special moments so we can rebond with our men. For a long while I slept in another bed from my husband because the pain was so bad and noticed the distance growing between us so I recently started sleeping in the same bed. We need to try and reconnect with them and some may be the little-lest of things.

As bad as we feel we must pay just as much attention and love to our husbands as we do our children. Sometimes we forget this, I need to consistently help my children especially my youngest who has cerebral palsy and I overlook my husband.

Watching over someone with an illness day in and day out can be exhausting - it's not luck a tummy ache where it here than gone ... it's everyday. Even with my son it gets tiring with all the worrying and helping him - so I can understand that my husband is feeling the same x2. I just wished they talked more and let it out. Eventually that feeling will build up when they don't talk about it.

I bet if you talk to him about what he said he may apologize. If you only see this behavior when he's with his brother then set him straight. Men are weak.

I guess this was me letting out some of my frustration as well ... lol. I think we are just getting tired from the un-needed drama that makes us worse. Big hugs to all.

My husband came home, after golfing with his brother, and stated, "I've dealt with you having primary progressive MS." Fortunately, I have very poor memory. But, it was the most horribly, mean thing that anyone has ever said to me. We've been together forty years.

He's never been like that before. But I've noticed lately, that something has been bothering him. I will not start bragging, but I have always done more than I should with this primary progressive ms. Since I'm complaining, can use your opinions and helpful information. I know he has know idea of the pain I'm going through with this ms, but - - - - - - -

**edited by moderator I'm compliance with guideline 4**

[bobus498]

Don't feel all that bad about being a man. One year after I was diagnosed, my wife of 18 years told me that since I "could no longer live the kind of future she wanted," she wanted a divorce.

There are heartless women out there too.