Having one of those days - feel I'm in a bottom of a pit - need a friendly voice

[SEAMSGUY]

I'm not doing so good. My depression is worsening. I had an episode last night where I yelled and carried on for hours mainly because I'm so frustrated about how little I can do anymore. My wife seems about ready to give up on me (and I don't blame her). I hate myself too right now.

I feel like everything I touch turns to you-know-what. I'm "only" 61, I can't live like this anymore.

I just need to hear from somebody today who knows what it's like.

Thank you.

[SEAMSGUY]

...but then I read poor Katie's post from a couple of weeks ago and now feel ashamed I'm bothering anyone with my pity party.

God I hate this awful disease.

[KateA2]

Don't apologize for needing to vent. There will always be people better/worse off - and how they are experiencing MS doesn't negate anyone else's experience of living with this evil disease. I know I felt such rage/anger when I was diagnosed...I ended up having to take a beta-blocker + antidepressant and do cognitive behavioral therapy to cope. I don't go to therapy anymore, but I still take the meds!

I'm not sure what you've done to deal with your depression. If you've not had luck in the past with talking to someone, perhaps try again? Sometimes it can take trying a few different people until one feels right. Getting out from underneath a deep depression can then open the door to working on other things.

I don't have any other words-of-wisdom really, except I feel for you and hope that tomorrow is a better day.

[TinaP303]

Here's a ladder.
I can climb down & join you or you can climb up & join me or we can meet somewhere in the middle.
Days like these suck, big time, but I'm super glad you thought to reach out here.
I get it - we all do. Hang in there pal.
Hugz

[KatieAgain]

Hey Seamsguy

Katie Here. Oh....Lord was it a bad month. No one for the life of them could figure out what was wrong. We were convinced at one point it was Pancreatic Cancer and we were about ready to go in and look. We do have to open me up....but I have a broken Gallbladder that is not needed anymore.

Me? I just wanted to die. Yep...seriously. I just could not take anymore. So yes...I absolutely get it.

I never had Depression prior to MS. Its related. I think most of us have Depression to some degree. I can't take any of the Meds for Depression. So I rely on Therapy.

I try to just live one day at at time and tell myself tomorrow might not suck as bad.

We all need help sometimes....and never feel bad about having a pity party. Sometimes thats the only party we get to attend...and you are in good company.

[alishape]

Hi!

Here's tohoping you feel better soon. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Here in baltimore, we've been having a heat wave. Its supposed to break tomorrow, so I'm hoping for some cool fresh air in the morning. I'll keep you in my prayers and think good thoughts for you.

[Thinkimjob]

It's okay to be depressed, or to feel robbed or angry.
You've got MS. It's not like that's a good thing.

There's no good taking it out on other people, though, as you know.

I've reached the point where I just have to laugh. Can't cry forever. There is not much else I can do. (I can still stagger about with my wheelie-walker, and I do force myself to have a proper shower, hair wash, leg shave etc, though not, let's face it daily and I still work two days a week).
And if I look at the state of myself, in abstract, it is actually kind of sadly amusing.

No good hating yourself. It's not your fault you have MS.

I'm reasonably proud of myself for carrying on. You should be, too.

I hope you feel better soon, too.

[mercadies25]

Big hugs for you!

Yes, I'm on 3 antidepressants. I was at the bottom of the pit and could care less about tomorrow. It only gets worse right?

Well, MS sucks and the fact that walking is exhausting, body hurts, not being able to do the things I use to do really sucks.

But think and concentrate on the good things: My grandkids, kids, hubby, dogs and friends.

Today I smile, I laugh and enjoy as much as possible. No, it's not easy. You have to work on it every minute of every day.

Please feel better. We get it and support you. Climb the ladder

Good luck!

[polanwil]

I can't help much still in limbo but do kinda know how you feel. I just want ME back . just try to hang on and know everyone is sending you the best .

[REG53]

I am sorry you are having such a hard time and yes, I know what it feels like. Please don't blame yourself, having ms is just plain hard. I also take an antidepressant which helps a lot.

I will say a prayer for you and I hope you feel better real soon.

[alishape]

Hey, just checking in

Well seamsguy, I hope you are feeling better. Here in baltimore the weather finally broke. This morning when I woke up, (when the cats woke me up I should say), it was blessedly COOL! Now I am setting on the porch enjoying the breeze, looking at the dew on the cars. Even they look like they feel better! It might even be cool enough to get some volunteering in today for the first time since spring.

Still thinking good thoughts for you!

[SEAMSGUY]

Thanks so much everyone. I am feeling a lot better.

Saw my Psych, got a med tweak and have an appointment with my therapist this week.

The biggest help however, is my ever patient, ever forgiving, always loving wife. I don't deserve her, but I thank God every day that she's in my life. I don't think I'd still be here if not for her.

Your kind words helped tremendously. I love you all.

S.

[Marie12]

We're in this together, and we NEED you, so don't give up

Believe me, I'm not an expert, but I'm feeling some of your pain. fyi, I'm 58, used to work full time in the accounting field, greatly underpaid, because I didn't need the money back then. Well, now I basically sit in a recliner chair all day long. I used to think I was above it all, and never used to "watch tv." Well, we can't afford cable now, but my husband is good with the antenna, and we get a few channels. So, I am in front of the TV most of the day. I can still read, but my eyes get tired quickly. Enough complaining from me, but don't leave us. We do need and want you here. I am glad your loved ones stepped up to help you. You remind me of myself, never wanting to ask for too much help. But take my advise, "ASK FOR ASSISTANCE." You're lucky you're not my neighbor, or I'd be knocking at your door, wanting to cook for you! And you'd have to listen to me talk, and watch me cook. But, you are lucky that you're not my neighbor, because then you would want to move

Marie

I'm not doing so good. My depression is worsening. I had an episode last night where I yelled and carried on for hours mainly because I'm so frustrated about how little I can do anymore. My wife seems about ready to give up on me (and I don't blame her). I hate myself too right now.

I feel like everything I touch turns to you-know-what. I'm "only" 61, I can't live like this anymore.

I just need to hear from somebody today who knows what it's like.

Thank you.

[pennstater]

Seamsguy,

Sounds like you are in good hands with your wife. Glad to hear your doc is working with you with both medicine and therapy. So glad to hear you feel better. I woke up the other day and realized I feel lost in life. I know it stems from missing work (2 years now). So time to head back to therapy. Amazes me how we revisit our losses, even when we thought we dealt with it!

Hope you continue to feel well.

[SEAMSGUY]

Believe me, I'm not an expert, but I'm feeling some of your pain. fyi, I'm 58, used to work full time in the accounting field, greatly underpaid, because I didn't need the money back then. Well, now I basically sit in a recliner chair all day long. I used to think I was above it all, and never used to "watch tv." Well, we can't afford cable now, but my husband is good with the antenna, and we get a few channels. So, I am in front of the TV most of the day. I can still read, but my eyes get tired quickly. Enough complaining from me, but don't leave us. We do need and want you here. I am glad your loved ones stepped up to help you. You remind me of myself, never wanting to ask for too much help. But take my advise, "ASK FOR ASSISTANCE." You're lucky you're not my neighbor, or I'd be knocking at your door, wanting to cook for you! And you'd have to listen to me talk, and watch me cook. But, you are lucky that you're not my neighbor, because then you would want to move

Marie

Marie, thank you. You'd be the kind of neighbor any of us would give anything to have!

I wish you did live next door, you're a wonderful person!

S.