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    Recently Fired

    I was recently fired from my job of 9.5 years. The reason is I and a new manager were oil and water. No matter what I did, there was no common ground. Even though I was a vp, he was senior to me so I was the one to be let go.

    Here is my issue. This is hitting me harder than I expected. I have never been fired in my life. Now here I am at 51 years old with MS feeling like I just can't go out there anymore into the work world. I simply want to hide and hiding is what I've been doing for over a month.

    My MS is mostly cognitive. I am actually scheduled for more testing as I'm having issues with memory and recall. Working at the level I was at was mentally exhausting for me and the thought of going into a new work environment with the cognitive issues is terrifying to me. I am lucky that I have a wonderful and supportive husband who is not pushing me, but at the same time I have never not worked. So I also feel like a freeloader and very guilty for putting him through this.

    How do I reconcile all of these conflicting emotions so I can be myself again?

    #2
    Hello Quietposter,

    I guess I have been lucky enough never to be technically fired, but I have been laid-off due to lack of work and my position was out sourced twice by the same company.

    My own experience is that I have not worked since April of last year. I was making an effort to continue my career in iron work, but after a family issue at home with an increase of symptoms I decided that the risks of continuing work was too high. I left that company on great terms, they probably wouldn't hesitate to hire me back.

    The physical job was easier for me to muddle through. Prior to getting back into the trades I was a SAP ABAP developer for a clothing manufacturer out of LA. I learned how to do the job on my own and had an old buddy in a position to get me hired on as a consultant.

    This is where my job was out sourced twice. It's also where I truly saw my cognitive loss. When they brought me back on I was having a terrible time trying to solve the problems with their programming and creative thinking was just pathetic. When I was replaced by 3 people in India for the same cost of my services I came to the conclusion that it would not be fair for me to continue in the field when my production wasn't up to par.

    That was an ego killer, and now that I can't do the physical work I really feel your pain on being a freeloader. My fiance has been great about it all, but I can see the extra stress is having a bad effect on her.

    I have never had a cognitive test, but now I am thinking that I will only be able to see any decline from this point. I won't know what I have already lost.

    I hope that you find something that isn't so exhausting, but maybe there was something that you wished you could be doing for work but financially it didn't work. Well now you can give it some serious thought because something is better than nothing. At least that is what I am considering. Just have to make it through this flare.

    Cheers,
    Scuba Kris
    DX'd 2005 Too many lesions to count, and here I thought doctor's knew math...

    Comment


      #3
      Originally posted by quietposter View Post
      How do I reconcile all of these conflicting emotions so I can be myself again?
      quietposter, you do it by not trying to do it by yourself. You've had quite a shock, and you can benefit from therapy with a mental health professional. And you might also benefit from some short-term medication. As long as you're in shock and trying to hide, you don't have the perspective, and probably not the experience, to try to do it by yourself.

      Anyone who has worked for a long career and was fired at the VP level would be in shock. And it doesn't have anything to do with MS.

      So please get into therapy with a mental health professional ASAP to help you work through the shock, anger, grief and guilt. With the way you're feeling, you might think that you'll never get past those emotions. But with the right guidance from a therapist, you can and you will. You just have to take the first step.

      In the meantime, I hope you're eligible for unemployment compensation to help ease the financial burden a bit.

      I'm sending you good wishes and hope that you'll feel better soon.

      Comment


        #4
        In 2008, my contract, as a paraprofessional, with the local school district was "not renewed, in the best interests of children", after I applied for FMLA for the 4th time in 4 years. I was, at first, devastated.

        I quickly realized that it was an opportunity for me to apply for SSDI. At the time, it was not what I wished to do. It was the 3rd job that I had lost, due to my 6 years with MS. But, I finally realized that I was having fatigue problems that made it very difficult to get through my 6-hour days. If it wasn't for some daily down time, in an empty classroom, when I could lay my head down and rest with no one around, I probably would've needed to quit prior to being let go.

        You may wish to weigh your options and consider whether this is a blessing in disguise. I still grieved the loss of my job and a career, but, in the long run, it was for good.

        In the meantime, make whatever documentation you can regarding your job loss, so that, in the future, if you do decide to apply for SSDI, this can be one piece of evidence that shows your need.
        ~ Faith
        MSWorld Volunteer -- Moderator since JUN2012
        (now a Mimibug)

        Symptoms began in JAN02
        - Dx with RRMS in OCT03, following 21 months of limbo, ruling out lots of other dx, and some "probable stroke" and "probable CNS" dx for awhile.
        - In 2008, I was back in limbo briefly, then re-dx w/ MS: JUL08
        .

        - Betaseron NOV03-AUG08; Copaxone20 SEPT08-APR15; Copaxone40 APR15-present
        - Began receiving SSDI / LTD NOV08. Not employed. I volunteer in my church and community.

        Comment


          #5
          Thanks to all of you for your kind words and advice. I have heard some of it already from friends, but it helps to hear it from you. As you know they can't truly understand as their not in my (our) shoes.

          I am thinking it might be time to explore SSDI. I'll make that decision after the next round of testing. It's a subject that I know my husband may be resistant towards as he believes I can continue to be successful in my career. It's not that he's blind to the disease, quite the opposite. He raises money every year to help find a cure. It's more that I'm always "the strong independent one" so conceding to this disease, allowing myself to lean on him more, is not something that is typical for me.

          At least with SSDI I would be financially contributing in some fashion without feeling the anxiety and exhaustion associated with cognitive issues in the workplace.

          Anyway, the testing will hopefully point me in a direction that makes sense for me. Thank you again.

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by quietposter View Post
            ...with SSDI I would be financially contributing in some fashion without feeling the anxiety and exhaustion associated with cognitive issues in the workplace.
            Glad you're exploring the option. It sounds like the pros have it all over the cons.

            Comment


              #7
              I understand your fears and concerns.

              I have been a paramedic and firefighter since the early 70's. As of two years ago, I was not physically able to continue either profession, even with the adaptions my employer made for me.

              Needless to say, this was very devastating to me. After spending most of my adult life helping people, I was suddenly the one that needed help and I could not and still can not always accept that.

              My mind works well, however my body does not. Sometimes I wish I could lose my mind or at least my memory. Then I wouldn't remember what used to be. But I am trying to cope by finding other ways to feel useful and involved.

              I still volunteer to teach CPR, EMT, and first aid classes. And it helps a bit, to know I am teaching a new generation the medical skills they need. Also, I often help out with special projects at the station and the guys are great! For the most part, they treat me as they always have, but worry too much when I get tired.

              My DH is also a firefighter, and he keeps me involved whenever he can. But every time the alarm goes out, I either get mad at myself, my MS, the world, or all of the above, which makes it hard on my husband.

              I know he loves me and would do anything to help me cope, but I often feel lost and not sure of who I am anymore. I let my work define me, and without it, I am lost, afraid, feel like I have let everyone down.

              Maybe be you and your DH can brainstorm about other ways for you to feel useful and needed. It may not seem like much, but every little victory is a good thing.

              I think what I am trying to say is, relax, you've done your part. Don't be so hard on yourself. MS is hard enough all by itself!

              And believe me, I know........ Easier said than done!!
              Echo
              DX 2007 Started Ocrevus on 2/14/2018

              "Some where over the rainbow...."

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by Echo2099 View Post
                ...
                Maybe be you and your DH can brainstorm about other ways for you to feel useful and needed. It may not seem like much, but every little victory is a good thing.

                I think what I am trying to say is, relax, you've done your part. Don't be so hard on yourself. MS is hard enough all by itself! ...
                I like that idea. When I quit work and went on SSDI in 2008, I immediately began volunteering in the community. It was important to my self-esteem to continue to feel productive. I've done various things over the past 7 years, some for only a year or two; the longest I did for most of the 7 years and just moved on to something else within the past year.

                My volunteer activities have included mostly volunteering with children and social services things, such as preschool, playing piano at a nursing home, and volunteering in a classroom in a school. Currently, I'm doing two things (CASA volunteer and Circles) and the first grade teacher plans to contact me next week to set up an hour or two each week in her classroom again. I also have a few once-a-month things that I do at my church: teach Sunday School, play piano and do children's feature. I've also been a moderator here at MSWorld for about 3 years.

                Socially, I also started a once a month ladies movie night, complete with popcorn at my house with a group of 3 friends. Sometimes, it doesn't work to get together every month, but we continue to do it sometimes. And, if there is a musical program or a play / drama that I wish to attend and my husband doesn't want to go with me, I either find a friend to go with, or even feel comfortable just going by myself. I don't let his introversion limit me.

                I'm also working on writing a book. I started about a year ago, and I have a writing coach / author that I pay to give me feedback about once a month. I've written and edited about 3/4 of what I want to write, but, there'll be a bunch more editing that I want to do when that's complete, before I'm done. Over time, both my writing style and ability, and also my vision for what I want the book to look like have changed. It could be another year before it's done; I really don't know how long to expect it to take.

                Find something you like to do -- for some it's an animal shelter, or a homeless shelter or a public library or whatever. I know it's sort of cliche, but "I get more than I give". The children in the first grade class tell me every time I come, "Thank you for coming, Mrs. G," and I always respond, "Thank you for letting me come."
                ~ Faith
                MSWorld Volunteer -- Moderator since JUN2012
                (now a Mimibug)

                Symptoms began in JAN02
                - Dx with RRMS in OCT03, following 21 months of limbo, ruling out lots of other dx, and some "probable stroke" and "probable CNS" dx for awhile.
                - In 2008, I was back in limbo briefly, then re-dx w/ MS: JUL08
                .

                - Betaseron NOV03-AUG08; Copaxone20 SEPT08-APR15; Copaxone40 APR15-present
                - Began receiving SSDI / LTD NOV08. Not employed. I volunteer in my church and community.

                Comment


                  #9
                  One day at a time,

                  I can relate, totally.
                  When I was in my early 40's I had scratched and clawed my way up the company ladder to a very good position. I had a very tidy income, a wonderful life, really. The job was pretty stressful, but I was still young enough to manage it and was enjoying the best earning years of my life.
                  I was in high cotton.

                  Then I got sick and over the next year, I lost that job, sold my dream house on the hill, and was going through the wringer.....It looked bleak, really.

                  However, I moved in with my GF, who told me not to freak out, and to just do "the next thing".

                  Fortunately I still had a good health insurance policy and my former employer let me stay on the group plan for an additional year, past the end of COBRA coverage. I started treatment on Copaxone, got married to that GF, and went back to school, to learn a new trade.

                  2.5 years later, I was ready to get out and try to find a job. I stumbled through 2 employers at first, but landed in a stable school district technology job. I was able to hang in there for 11 years, earning a small pension along the way. I retired last year.

                  There were a lot of bad days along the way, but only 2 smallish relapses. Some people would notice I had a distinct limp and wasn't always able to walk very well, but I never once disclosed my disability or felt that I had to.

                  I was fortunate to be one of those lucky MSers that was able to walk, albeit with that limp, but over the years I was able to pace myself and work around my MS. Not all of us can do that, I know, but there are many jobs that don't require a lot of physical strength or stamina.

                  Ironically, the job I had could be very physically demanding, and stressful, too. But public employment is not like the "real world", and the culture, especially in education is not like the car business, from which I came. The difference I would say is like the difference between working for Mussolini or Ghandi. If you get my meaning.

                  I look back now to the days after I was diagnosed and can recall how desperate I was. I was thinking that my life was totally screwed. Getting re-trained and employed again is a major deal, but it can be done, one foot in front of the other.
                  PM me if you need any advice.
                  Jim S.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by jstinnett View Post
                    ...

                    PM me if you need any advice.
                    PM's (private messages) are not available at MSWorld. However, you may, if you wish and at your own risk, post your email address in your profile and suggest that others look there if they would like to be in touch with you privately.
                    ~ Faith
                    MSWorld Volunteer -- Moderator since JUN2012
                    (now a Mimibug)

                    Symptoms began in JAN02
                    - Dx with RRMS in OCT03, following 21 months of limbo, ruling out lots of other dx, and some "probable stroke" and "probable CNS" dx for awhile.
                    - In 2008, I was back in limbo briefly, then re-dx w/ MS: JUL08
                    .

                    - Betaseron NOV03-AUG08; Copaxone20 SEPT08-APR15; Copaxone40 APR15-present
                    - Began receiving SSDI / LTD NOV08. Not employed. I volunteer in my church and community.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by Mamabug View Post
                      PM's (private messages) are not available at MSWorld. However, you may, if you wish and at your own risk, post your email address in your profile and suggest that others look there if they would like to be in touch with you privately.
                      Mbug
                      Oh. I could've checked that out first.
                      What is that Homer Simpson says?
                      Jim S.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        As it turns out, I've started the SSDI process. My husband and I decided health comes first and if I can't handle the stress of my job/profession, then no more job. I'm not a quitter so it took a few months to absorb and accept my new reality. My husband thinks I am still a little bit in denial and he's probably right. Going from VP at a start-up to a homebody is a bit of an adjustment to say the least.

                        As to volunteering, my neuro brought that up, but I'm not sure I can handle it. I volunteered to scribe at a very small horse show over the summer and it was extremely difficult for me. All I had to do was sit in a shady spot for a few hours and write stuff down that the judge (my friend) said. That required a long nap when I got home.

                        At any rate, I submitted the initial SSDI forms in November, including medical forms and my recent neuro-psych test that stated I can't work an 8 hour day with focus anymore. I just received more forms from them which I started filling out today. My penmanship is atrocious so I feel for who ever is going to have to decipher it. I was impressed that when I had a question, the person who sent the forms answered her phone on the first ring. Of course my question was, are these forms available online as my handwriting is atrocious!

                        I also just had my yearly MRI which shows the lesions have changed. I now have black holes in the T1 area. It's kind of funny, I call these changes, but my Neuro refers to them, not as changes, but as normal the progression of the disease. I love her and she is as smart as they come, but I have to wonder how she would define them if it was her brain!

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Just want to wish you good luck with the SSDI process. That alone is like a full time job.

                          I once worked for a startup during the dot com boom, so I know the hours and stress involved.

                          I am still adjusting to life at home now, 2.5 years later. But my SSDI and LTD both recently settled favorably, so hopefully now, I can focus elsewhere.

                          The one thing I found was important was to try to stick to a schedule for bed and waking. It helps add some normalcy to a day.

                          I have started informal volunteering, helping a few elderly neighbors with rides to medical appointments or other daytime needs when their family members are at work. If I am having problems myself, I have arranged for a retired friend to be my back up. I also take our dog to an assisted living center every few weeks.

                          I am looking for other volunteer opportunities that are not critical that I be there should something occur. Animal shelters, just playing with them, is one option. Someone also suggested volunteering to help with crafts/arts at a senior center or kids programs.

                          Let us know how your application goes. Hope all goes well.
                          Kathy
                          DX 01/06, currently on Tysabri

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Well. It looks as though I've been approved for SSDI. I have not yet received notification via regular mail, but there is a payment from SSN in my bank account reflecting 3 months of retroactive payments and when I checked my online SSDI account, it said I was active. So I guess that's it. I'm officially "retired-disabled."

                            I burst into tears when the realization was sinking in. I told my husband I didn't know if I was crying because I was happy it went through or sad that my disability hijacked my life. I know one thing for sure, I'm very relieved and grateful my process wasn't as complicated and drawn out as some I read about on this forum.

                            So now I guess I don't have to feel as guilty when the tired hits, as stupid when the cog-fog hits, as embarrassd when stuff flies out of my hands or as worried when I truly, truly haven't a clue what movie my husband is talking about because I don't remember ever seeing it. And who cares when I call the dog by the horses name or the horse by the dog's name? They certainly don't care as long as they're not called late for dinner!

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Congratulations. I say that somewhat reluctantly, because I understand it's a mixed "blessing". It's good to know you'll be contributing to your household's finances, and you will likely experience some "freedom", now that you choose what to do with your time, rather than being employed.

                              But, losing a job and a career is still a loss. My thought are with you as you find a new "you".
                              ~ Faith
                              MSWorld Volunteer -- Moderator since JUN2012
                              (now a Mimibug)

                              Symptoms began in JAN02
                              - Dx with RRMS in OCT03, following 21 months of limbo, ruling out lots of other dx, and some "probable stroke" and "probable CNS" dx for awhile.
                              - In 2008, I was back in limbo briefly, then re-dx w/ MS: JUL08
                              .

                              - Betaseron NOV03-AUG08; Copaxone20 SEPT08-APR15; Copaxone40 APR15-present
                              - Began receiving SSDI / LTD NOV08. Not employed. I volunteer in my church and community.

                              Comment

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