hopeless (employment and caregiving)

[ccorbett]

hello,

i am 36 and have been a caregiver to my partner since i was 22. initially, medication meant my partner had a "normal" life for the first few years. then, she was let go from a position and we realized her cognitive/emotional issues were too much for her to maintain employment. she obtained ssdi after her 3rd try. she hasn't worked for about 10 years.

i've hobbled along. i had a stellar scholarly career until i idealistically believe i could manage home and work as a young caregiver with little work history.

two years ago after completing several years of post-bacc. education in engineering, my partner started relapsing out of control. her case is so aggressive, she has been documented and photographed by some of the top m.s. clinics in the country. i took her side in the hospital, advocating for aggressive care. we went from er to hospital to intensive rehab to nursing home to home care (with basically me filling in 24/7 as she was immobile by this time). then, there was talk of leaving our home, getting a hospital bed and equipment, and basically doing nothing but caregiving while living in low income disabled housing. i took to ClinicalTrials.gov to find her some kind of experimental treatment. and, i did! she ultimately participated in a clinical trial half way across the country. the treatment she received miraculously stabilized her and reversed all of the physical disability she had incurred over the year. i spent nearly every minute with her during her treatment and lengthy recovery.

after about 1.5 years of intensive round the clock caregiving, i came back to my home and felt lost. but, i pulled myself back up and tried to throw the same energy i had caring for my partner into getting a job. that was 2 years ago. to this day, i've had just a few interviews. i have tried networking through every friend, family member, college contact who might be able to help me get my foot in the door. i've applied at temp agencies, broadened my search to the entire nation, and even looked at interning. i've applied for everything from executive level jobs i could do and get paid well for to temp/contract minimum wage jobs with no benefits.

i feel like i am invisible. i work so hard. i care so much. but, nobody will hire me to even make coffee. i have worked at top medical schools. worked at a national non-profit launching/supporting multi-million dollar grant projects. and most recently as a manager at a local college.

i live in small town, so options are limited. but when i apply out-of-state i often hear that employers are looking for local candidates. i can't afford to move without a job, but i can't get a job in my little town after applying for just about everything that i am remotely qualified for. i sit all day at my computer applying for jobs and trying to network my way into an opportunity. now i just feel hopeless. if it wasn't for some modest family support i would be homeless with my partner. in fact, i worry about that becoming a reality some time down the road.

i don't know what to do. i just want someone to see how motivated and driven i am and give me a chance. have others dealt with this? what do you do?

[TinaP303]

Hello Ccorbett,
I really don't have any words of wisdom regarding your job search. I t seems like you've done the logical things. Don't give up, or feel hopeless, all your hard work and giving counts. You've made a huge difference to your partner, your turn will come. Hang in there.
Hugz

[Poolwatcher]

What is your area of education or training in? And what part of the nation do you live?

[ccorbett]

TinaP303, thank you for your support.

Poolwatcher, i have a BA in biology. worked in laboratory research for several years. then administration at a national scientific non-profit and later a local college. i have been out of my technical work for some time, although i identify as a scientist. my area is administration/project management. also, experience in marketing. i live in new england.

[Ga dancer]

I have no insight to employment, but perhaps the lapse in employment is preventing your securing a position? You might want to consider asking physicians, etc. for letters of reference to account for that time where you did not have employment.

I am sure I am not alone in my curiosity, but I have to ask - what clinical trial, medication resulted in removing previous disability from MS?

God bless, and keep faith in His plan for you.

[MSW1963]

ccorbett, job hunting is one of the most dreadful 'events' in life, even more so following the +8yr economic downward trend in hiring here in the US and most of the western world.

That doesn't change your situation in any way. You've been a devoted partner, made a difference in someone's life that few other people have the capacity to understand in terms of the sacrifices you've made and the love and kindness you've shared with another person. Something you and your partner will always treasure. I'm not sure if 'proud' is the right word, but I'm honored to share this site with someone like you. I'm relieved to hear there are still people like you 'out there'. Also glad to hear your SO is doing so much better.

Your job search sounds like it has been a pretty exhaustive and exhausting one. I would recommend continuing your job search and not limit your search to your small rural community/location. Also consider splurging on professional interview attire, it only has to be one outfit, shop consignment stores for something affordable and special, do your hair, nails, polished shoes, etc. The boost in confidence and looking 'the part' could make a difference. I know what a difference to one's appearances a tight budget can make. Sell yourself and the hardship you have endured during your time out of the workplace.

Best of luck to you and keep us updated.

[Poolwatcher]

Novartis pharmaceutical is a huge company. They have jobs in Boston.

**URL removed by Moderator in compliance with MSWorld Guidelines.**

[heliotrope]

Don't give up...

Your story sounds very much like mine, having come out of school during the height of the recession, ended up as a family caregiver for several years, and dealing with my own progressively more severe MS. The market changed right when I finished school, which means that my degrees aren't considered helpful to getting a job - and the breaks in work since haven't increased my chances.

I've finally come to terms with the fact that I won't be doing what I want to do in any traditional way. However, that doesn't mean giving up. What skills do you have in your field that a normal office can't provide? Can you "create" your own job? Do you have skills (such as teaching) that might help you find a short term position?

Mixing short term jobs with your own business might give you a start.

[dyin_myelin]

Sounds like you have an almost identical situation to a former poster, maybe some of the replies will help. . .

http://www.msworld.org/forum/showthr...and-Caregiving

[ccorbett]

Thanks everyone for your kind replies! It feels so good to have sympathetic/empathetic individuals to lean on a bit after feeling used up and spit out by the world. Thank you for listening to me and offering supportive advice.

Ga Dancer, the procedure my partner had done was Hematopoietic Stem Cell Transplantation (HSCT). Basically, the procedure involves isolating the patient's own stem cells. Then, there is a several week inpatient hospitalization where high-dose chemo (cytoxin) is administered to the patient in order to wipe out most of the immune system. Following this, the patient's own stem cells are re-administered. Once counts return to a safe level, the patient is discharged and followed closely for a year.

HSCT for MS is in a phase 3 trial by a top NIH-trained immunologist at Northwestern in Chicago. There's been quite a bit of positive press about the study results recently including an interview with Dr. Richard Burt (study doc) by the NMSS. I put links in my profile if anybody is interested in more info.

Many patients have been stable post-HSCT and are able to come of their DMDs. Many also see a reversal of some disability. My partner was in a wheelchair with spastic legs for about 6 months previous to HSCT. During treatment her walking improved significantly and after a year she regained full independence. She now walks, drives, showers, etc. with no assistive devices. Follow-up occurs for 5 years. It is an intensive process, but with a fantastic and very cautious care team. Despite the intense chemo, nobody has had much trouble going through the process. As a bonus, Medicare covers treatment costs along with a handful of insurance plans.

MSW1963, thank you for the kind words. I have actually invested in a decent professional wardrobe including some formal interview clothes. Now I just need to get the interviews. Ha.

Poolwatcher, thank you for the information. Yes, I have been looking at pharmaceutical companies in the Boston area. Will check out Novartis.

Heliotrope, sounds like we have some parallels in our situations. Yes, I would love to start my own business as I have so much pent up energy at this point to fuel a venture. Also, it would mean I could work hard, but hopefully have flexibility to be home if needed. I am playing around with some ideas and talking to friends who have launched successful businesses.

dyin_myelin, I will check out the link. Thank you.