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    Dating a woman with RRMS

    She is a wonderful woman. I'm just learning about her MS. I am worried that her condition will change into SPMS. She takes care of herself. She is a Vegan. How worried should i be?

    #2
    Hello LovePeaceRespct and welcome to MSWorld.

    I am worried that her condition will change into SPMS
    How worried should i be?
    Multiple Sclerosis is a chronic progressive disease. Going from relapsing/remitting MS to Secondary Progressive MS is quite high, especially the longer you have the disease.

    The real question is are you worried for her, yourself or both and why. Before you get too involved with a person who has a chronic disease, MS or something else, be sure you know what you could be dealing with and if you are committed in doing so.

    If the disease scares you, you are not alone. If the disease scares you and you are not sure you could handle a relationship with that person, if her MS gets more progressive, then you need to be truthful with yourself and her.

    Take care and best wishes.
    Diagnosed 1984
    “Lightworkers aren’t here to avoid the darkness…they are here to transform the darkness through the illuminating power of love.” Muses from a mystic

    Comment


      #3
      Yes; MS is a progressive illness and SPMS is not uncommon, but does not happen to everyone. Even if SPMS does not occur, however, MS is no picnic in the park.

      It would be very possible for a person in a long-term relationship with someone who has MS to become a caregiver at some point. No one can predict the future. "In sickness or in health" ends up taking on a very different meaning when the illness is chronic and will, not only, never go away, but will also continue to worsen over time.

      I am 53 years old. I've been married for 30 years, and I have had MS for 13 years. I do not, as yet, have SPMS. I may, or may not, progress to that. But, my MS still progresses. I went on disability in 2008. I have more residual symptoms than I used to. My MS has put my marriage through the wringer. It has not only changed me, but it has changed my husband. But, we've stuck with each other, even though we've both given each other difficult situations to deal with.

      A chronic illness is not a reason to run the opposite direction. But, you don't want to begin a relationship with your eyes closed either. As I said, it's not a picnic in the park.
      ~ Faith
      MSWorld Volunteer -- Moderator since JUN2012
      (now a Mimibug)

      Symptoms began in JAN02
      - Dx with RRMS in OCT03, following 21 months of limbo, ruling out lots of other dx, and some "probable stroke" and "probable CNS" dx for awhile.
      - In 2008, I was back in limbo briefly, then re-dx w/ MS: JUL08
      .

      - Betaseron NOV03-AUG08; Copaxone20 SEPT08-APR15; Copaxone40 APR15-present
      - Began receiving SSDI / LTD NOV08. Not employed. I volunteer in my church and community.

      Comment


        #4
        Like others have said MS is no picnic, but the future is not promised to you either. Will you set the possibility of a life long love aside due to something that MAY happen. Heck, you could end up with MS or worse, who knows.

        It definitely requires some serious thought, and if you can't than don't she doesn't need you. Let someone up to the job stand and if you decide to stand up, keep standing!

        I have been married for almost 29 years. I have MS, my husband has other stuff. We love and support each other in spite of this and we are better for it.

        Comment


          #5
          Welcome to the boards. I am sure that you didn't expect this. The same unexpected feelings that we, MSer's, are expected to deal with every day. I hope all works out for you because MS is very much a mystery. There are very few 'picnics'. Good luck

          Comment


            #6
            Hi LovePeaceRespct and welcome!

            And thanks for coming here to ask your question.

            Sounds like it's time to educate yourself if you are serious about getting into a long term relationship! You might want to read what the NMSS has to say about SPMS - http://www.nationalmssociety.org/Wha...progressive-MS

            Roughly 85% of people with RRMS transition to SP and it occurs within approx. 10 years
            (my own experience was almost 20 yrs).
            90% transition within 25 years.
            I personally know people dx 25 years ago who are still RR.
            No one really knows. We just have statistics to go on.

            Worry? Everyone worries regardless.... anyone could be in a natural disaster or accident and leave us disabled. If you truly love her and want to be a part of her life, regardless of the future, than go for it!

            I wish you much happiness for your future!
            1st sx '89 Dx '99 w/RRMS - SP since 2010
            Administrator Message Boards/Moderator

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by LovePeaceRespct View Post
              She is a wonderful woman. I'm just learning about her MS. I am worried that her condition will change into SPMS. She takes care of herself. She is a Vegan. How worried should i be?
              You seem to care deeply for this woman or you wouldn't be looking for an answer. I don't think or I should say I KNOW that there is not a one of us besides the good Lord above that could honestly answer this question for you. We all have a different path with this disease and I recall reading once that MS is like a fingerprint not one person has the same one.

              So, if you care about this person and are willing to possibly sacrifice some of your life to help with hers then good luck to you both and if not then give her the respect and honesty to let her move on.

              I personally can also relate I married my husband 24 years ago and he had and has a horrible disease that I was once very intimidated by and knew in my heart he would die well before me but I was willing to take the risk cause I loved him. It is now 24 years later and yes his disease has progressed and it has been hard on both of us but honestly I just adjust each time a new symptom comes up and we deal with it together in a strange way it has brought us closer and taught us to rely on each other.

              Now here I am 2 years from being dx and the roles have reversed and he takes care of me as much as I him and now all we can hope for is to each be having a good day/week on the same schedule.

              As for the disease going from RRMS to SPMS studies say that there is a 50% chance of it progressing to SPMS after 10 years of dx. Even so for each of us it means something different for each person. As this is a progressive disease and it seems so scary its not a death sentence and for myself with all my issues with it, it sure beats having a terminal illness.

              I wish you and your gf the best of luck and hope that you can have peace with this either way.

              ** Moderator's note - Post broken into paragraphs for easier reading. Many people with MS have visual difficulties that prevent them from reading large blocks of print. **
              Tira

              Comment


                #8
                Thank you all for your responses. To answer your questions, I am worried for her, not me. I can handle it. I was really looking for information about the medical risk of going from RRMS to SPMS. I've seen a 50% chance quoted somewhere. She is currently on disability. Apparently her latest MRI shows that her brain lesions have not progressed much since the first time she was diagnosed 9 years ago.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Thanks for clarifying what you are really looking for. Here are some links, which give similar, but not identical information. The most hopeful, IMO, is the last link, from the blog from NMSS.
                  1. http://ms.about.com/od/multiplescler...signs_spms.htm -- People can change from having RRMS to SPMS at any time. However, this transition usually occurs within 5 to 20 years of the onset of disease. Men are more likely than women to progress from RRMS to SPMS.
                  2. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3002639/ -- Approximately 90% of untreated RRMS patients will transition to SPMS after 20–25 years.
                  3. http://multiplesclerosis.net/what-is...y-progressive/ -- Most patients with RRMS will eventually develop SPMS. SPMS affects 85% of patients diagnosed with MS.
                  4. http://www.nationalmssociety.org/Wha...to-SPMS-occurs -- Prior to the availability of the approved disease-modifying therapies, studies indicated that 50 percent of those diagnosed with relapsing-remitting MS (RRMS) would transition to secondary-progressive MS (SPMS) within 10 years, and 90 percent would transition within 25 years. While MS experts agree that the medications have an impact on disease progression, it is too soon to tell the extent to which the disease-modifying treatments alter or delay the transition to SPMS.
                  5. http://blog.nationalmssociety.org/20...essive-ms.html -- It used to be assumed that 80 to 90% of people with RRMS would eventually develop SPMS within 25 years (50% within 10 years) of diagnosis.

                  1. Once a person with RRMS is older than 45, their risk of converting to SPMS drops to 35%.
                  2. A person older than 50 only has a 20% risk of developing SPMS.
                  3. After age 60, the risk of SPMS conversion drops to 7%.
                  4. After 75 years of age, if a person with RRMS has not developed SPMS, it is extremely unlikely (less than 1% chance) that they will develop SPMS.
                  5. Based on the data, researchers estimate that between 43-38% of people with RRMS will never develop SPMS, even if they are followed until they are 75 years old.
                  ~ Faith
                  MSWorld Volunteer -- Moderator since JUN2012
                  (now a Mimibug)

                  Symptoms began in JAN02
                  - Dx with RRMS in OCT03, following 21 months of limbo, ruling out lots of other dx, and some "probable stroke" and "probable CNS" dx for awhile.
                  - In 2008, I was back in limbo briefly, then re-dx w/ MS: JUL08
                  .

                  - Betaseron NOV03-AUG08; Copaxone20 SEPT08-APR15; Copaxone40 APR15-present
                  - Began receiving SSDI / LTD NOV08. Not employed. I volunteer in my church and community.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Thanks for the information/links, Mamabug.

                    Comment

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