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Can denial be a good thing

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    #16
    Thanks for all the words of support and advice. I have thought about the Tele-ICU Rn jobs where you remotely monitor a group of patients and assist the nurses at the bedside with decision making. My case worker did talk to me about case management for insurance companies too.

    I just love my job and the interaction with my patients and their families. It's so hard to think of giving that up. For now I will forge on staying vigilant about my health (probably in denial about the reality of it) and researching other job opportunities, sadly.

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      #17
      Originally posted by AriD View Post
      It's so hard to think of giving that up. For now I will forge on staying vigilant about my health (probably in denial about the reality of it) and researching other job opportunities, sadly.
      I know it is hard to think of moving on but especially because you have children to support please don't allow yourself to be put in the position of scrambling around when the time comes that you are no longer able to do your present position. It sounds like it is coming whether you are ready or not and from what I have seen even long term employers are more than willing to let someone go who isn't able to perform at full speed.

      In general I'm not a fan of denial. I have forced myself to mentally and financially prepare myself for a future with the worst MS scenario in mind. To me that is having control. There are many changes and limitations we need to accept as we age, MS or not. I believe being prepared for the worst while hoping for the best is prudent.

      Best wishes with whatever you decide.
      He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
      Anonymous

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        #18
        Thanks Jules. I know you are right about the being prepared. My life has been one constant keep going, don't think about the bad stuff, just keep moving.
        Raising four kids alone and trying to keep them safe and protected from a dangerous father/ ex husband has put a toll on me ( and more importantly the kids) emotionally and financially. My priority always has been them and it has needed to be. There was no time left to think about my health or future financial needs.
        I always told myself once the kids are adults, I'll be able to put money aside for retirement and take better care of myself. As they get near that time, I'm less hopeful that I'll be able to. That's just another piece in my story that makes slowing down hard.
        Everyday I wonder if I will regret not figuring something out earlier if the working decision gets taken away from me. I did look at job postings at my work and surrounding cities. Unfortunately there aren't any right now that would be different from what I'm currently doing or they would be more physical work. I will keep trying and I'll figure it out no matter what happens.
        Truth be told I'm not really denying. I'm well aware of what's happening. And it scares me beyond words. I never want to burden my kids after what they've already coped with. I want their adulthood to be wonderfully happy. I probably should have said is it good to be stubborn?

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          #19
          Originally posted by AriD View Post
          I probably should have said is it good to be stubborn?
          Heck yeah its good to be stubborn! Just don't dig your heels into a pile of slippery mud. I prefer to consider myself scrappy rather than stubborn because being able to shift gears when the writing is on the wall is crucial imo.

          When I was diagnosed I changed careers and actually started nursing because I felt it would give me more opportunities as my body started wearing down. Thankfully I was well enough to continue working and going to school until I became an APRN so I'm now using less brawn and making more money. Definitely keep looking around for different kinder positions, network with your current contacts and be willing to consider alternative opportunities if they present. You have so much to offer as a nurse but it may be in a different venue, not better or worse just different, right?

          Best of luck to you!!
          He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
          Anonymous

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            #20
            Nobody is promised tomorrow.

            Work until you no longer can work. At that point evaluate what you want to do. Just focus on today. Tomorrow will take care of itself

            Denial is a very useful tool. Without it, not many of us would survive emotionally. We would be overwhelmed not only by our problems, but by the earthquake in Nepal, the Boko Haram kidnapping and torturing girls, global warming, well, you get the picture.

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              #21
              Vanity, Denial and the Quest to make Change Work

              Vanity and denial have always been my first responses to debilitation immediately followed by the question, "How can I make this work?" There comes a point when one must recognize the change and accommodate. Please know that, in the 34 years since I was diagnosed, there have been way too many changes that I have had to make.

              MS forces me to live plan B. Accept that what was is not anymore. Think about how differently you might continue doing what you did. Listen to what trusted companions tell you they see. Imagine what else you might do if consensus is that continuing is not working. Every day might be as good as it gets. Savor them.

              Then again, maybe, change will be better. Feel free to groan and dismiss. I know that I drive people crazy with my bright side approach. Selfishly, I like that I laugh now instead of hoping I see some humor later. Besides, there are no alternatives so doing anything but forge ahead. Being unhappy is a waste of time.

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                #22
                Originally posted by Challenged Chef View Post
                Vanity and denial have always been my first responses to debilitation immediately followed by the question, "How can I make this work?" There comes a point when one must recognize the change and accommodate. Please know that, in the 34 years since I was diagnosed, there have been way too many changes that I have had to make.

                MS forces me to live plan B. Accept that what was is not anymore. Think about how differently you might continue doing what you did. Listen to what trusted companions tell you they see. Imagine what else you might do if consensus is that continuing is not working. Every day might be as good as it gets. Savor them.

                Then again, maybe, change will be better. Feel free to groan and dismiss. I know that I drive people crazy with my bright side approach. Selfishly, I like that I laugh now instead of hoping I see some humor later. Besides, there are no alternatives so doing anything but forge ahead. Being unhappy is a waste of time.
                I love this whole post :-)

                ariD, I think there is definitely a place for scrappiness and resourcefulness and even healthy denial when you're dealing with something as serious as our illness. That said, you will reach a point when you need to take at least as good care of yourself as the care you give to others. I was the person who always denied that I had physical or even emotional needs and just charged on, but that eventually caught up with me. And I'm happy it did!

                I feel so much better physically, mentally and emotionally since cutting my hours back to part time, and I guess it was a fall in the back hallway at work that got me looking down on myself and thinking: What would I say to the person who just fell? I would say she is struggling way too hard for no good reason except that her ego won't let her change her profession in order to care for herself. The adjustment took a few years, but I sure am glad that I'm through to the other side.

                You are obviously a strong and courageous person, and I wish the best possible outcome for all of you.

                Comment


                  #23
                  Originally posted by Challenged Chef View Post
                  Vanity and denial have always been my first responses to debilitation immediately followed by the question, "How can I make this work?" There comes a point when one must recognize the change and accommodate. Please know that, in the 34 years since I was diagnosed, there have been way too many changes that I have had to make.

                  MS forces me to live plan B. Accept that what was is not anymore. Think about how differently you might continue doing what you did. Listen to what trusted companions tell you they see. Imagine what else you might do if consensus is that continuing is not working. Every day might be as good as it gets. Savor them.

                  Then again, maybe, change will be better. Feel free to groan and dismiss. I know that I drive people crazy with my bright side approach. Selfishly, I like that I laugh now instead of hoping I see some humor later. Besides, there are no alternatives so doing anything but forge ahead. Being unhappy is a waste of time.
                  I love your attitude, thank you for sharing this with us.
                  He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
                  Anonymous

                  Comment


                    #24
                    I always prepare for the worst and hope for the better, but have always maintained a bit of what I consider healthy denial. Good thing I did as when filing for LTD and SSDI I had prepared for that and studied insurance lingo in detail so I was approved for both within a few months. Now that would not work if denial had had me apply when my company wanted to get rid of me rather than when I felt I needed to step down.

                    A healthy dose of denial particularly when first diagnosed is a good thing to soften the blow and prevent too much stress, and preparing for the future "just in case" can be part of healthy denial.

                    I keep doing things that I cannot really do because of this denial, but that brings more color to my life (and probably a few more scrapes) so I don't consider it a problem.

                    Comment


                      #25
                      Originally posted by Challenged Chef View Post
                      Vanity and denial have always been my first responses to debilitation immediately followed by the question, "How can I make this work?" There comes a point when one must recognize the change and accommodate. Please know that, in the 34 years since I was diagnosed, there have been way too many changes that I have had to make.

                      MS forces me to live plan B. Accept that what was is not anymore. Think about how differently you might continue doing what you did. Listen to what trusted companions tell you they see. Imagine what else you might do if consensus is that continuing is not working. Every day might be as good as it gets. Savor them.

                      Then again, maybe, change will be better. Feel free to groan and dismiss. I know that I drive people crazy with my bright side approach. Selfishly, I like that I laugh now instead of hoping I see some humor later. Besides, there are no alternatives so doing anything but forge ahead. Being unhappy is a waste of time.
                      (((Like)))
                      ~ Faith
                      MSWorld Volunteer -- Moderator since JUN2012
                      (now a Mimibug)

                      Symptoms began in JAN02
                      - Dx with RRMS in OCT03, following 21 months of limbo, ruling out lots of other dx, and some "probable stroke" and "probable CNS" dx for awhile.
                      - In 2008, I was back in limbo briefly, then re-dx w/ MS: JUL08
                      .

                      - Betaseron NOV03-AUG08; Copaxone20 SEPT08-APR15; Copaxone40 APR15-present
                      - Began receiving SSDI / LTD NOV08. Not employed. I volunteer in my church and community.

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