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    I accept it

    I have to give up my career which I had reached a high point with several years ago, I was at the top of my field. I can no longer do that work or I will not be able to do it for a long long time. I haven't actually been able to do it in four and a half years. It isn't work I wanted to do but was pretty much what friends and family pushed me into not listening to me when I said how I need my husband to help me do it as my assistant because the MS made it too hard for me to do alone any longer.

    And now even though he's home all day every day, he's too busy taking care of me to handle another full time job. He has a full time job already but then when I got back home from rehab, he suddenly had another full time job in changing me, helping me with everything I need all day, he's like a personal aide to me and can't even get enough sleep.

    We had another horrible day and so I accept it, my career is over. It's time to switch gears and move in a direction that I am capable of doing without any help. I might not be able to even do that either. It's time to liquidate my business assets and other assets and move on.

    I'm going to cancel my home PT and in a few months if I ever get my handicap taxi pass so it would only costs me $2 instead of $50 (which is simply prohibitive right now) to get to outpatient therapy, maybe I'll be able to go then. But maybe not, that might be too much for him to help me with. I just need to focus on losing weight as that will help so much. I have some great equipment and just need to train, train, train. If I lose weight, I can get a smaller wheelchair that will fit through the doors of my house. I haven't even been in my house in six months and it's driving me to the brink.

    So my future endeavors are permanently on hold. Knowing this disease, that means that career is done, finished, I did an incredible job of what I used to do but now it's time to bow out and hope a younger generation may take it over. Even though I didn't want to do it originally, I came to love it because I was so good at it and who doesn't enjoy something they do exceedingly well? Oh well. Instead, I will spend more time with my dogs, birds, and bunnies.

    I miss my parents though and my mom is terminally ill and I won't be able to see her for a long long time, I hope she lasts that long. Thanks for reading.

    Letting go is liberating, hard but liberating.
    ---------------
    "It's never crowded along the extra mile." --Dr. Wayne Dyer

    #2
    Don't stress

    I was terrified when I had to give up my work at the age of 54, but other health emergencies on top of the MS necessitated it. I must say God provided and I was awarded SSDI quickly. Love and blessings to you. SUE

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      #3
      I hated when I had to give up work. But it did not take long for me to realize I was better for it. I hope the same is true for you.
      hunterd/HuntOP/Dave
      volunteer
      MS World
      hunterd@msworld.org
      PPMS DX 2001

      "ADAPT AND OVERCOME" - MY COUSIN

      Comment


        #4
        You sound a so stressed - like a long.-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs,
        There's the Buddhist thing. In with anger, deep breath in, out with love, deep breath out. (Yes I know, I'm not a Buddhist.) There is a very soothing Buddhist loving kindness meditation on itunes. For free. If it does nothing else it will send you to sleep.
        If giving up your job means you'll be able to spend time with your mother, and that's what you feel you need to do, then it's worth it for that alone.
        It breaks your heart when you finally find a job you love and a job you are really good at, and this crappy disease takes it away.
        "I coulda been a contender" as Mr Brando said in "On the Waterfront".

        Comment


          #5
          It's some much to cope with in such a short time, giving up your livelihood, rehab and away from home, and stressing with hubby as care giver. I don't know how anyone manages when facing so much turmoil. I don't cope well either. I've suspected for a while that I do need to develop better coping skills, I just don't know where to even start.

          Have you considered getting help with household work? Having a tidy home that I managed myself was very comforting before full time MS, and work were my 'go to' coping rituals that are no longer available.

          The 'mindful' type therapy might help you transition to your new normal. While I hate that expression, btw, I'm to the point it seems possibly the only alternative left for me.

          Hugs and best wishes coming your way.

          Comment


            #6
            I wish you well. I am glad that you were 'at the top' because that signals, to me, that you know what 'shinola' is! I hope that the MS drug makers put a stop with the 'band aids' and come up with an acceptable permanent solution. Even though you were forced to retire, keep fighting MS for all of us. Good luck

            Comment


              #7
              What a caring, generous person you are. It shows through the way you talk about your husband and his needs. And your mother and her struggle. And how you know what your challenges are and are willing to face them head on. Sounds to me like letting go will give you a chance to move on to some really good things. I mourned my loss when I had to quit work, then found a whole world I was missing most of that time. Hope all goes well for you.

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