Asking for understanding.

[kittysmith]

Just as in my life journey, my autism journey, and my MS journey, I stumble and fall, this time metaphorically. I used to be happy. Now I can't seem to pick my head up some days. I used to have friends and make people laugh. Now I am angry with myself and alone most of the time.

What I mean to say is, I am trying every day to be a better person. Some days I am better at it than others. So, instead of me, my brain is sort of limping and in need of support.

Thanks for listening each and every time I need you. I want to fit in somewhere. Where do I begin?

Sometimes my brain needs more TLC than my body. Maybe others can relate.

[pennstater]

Kitty,

I wish I had answers for you. I know you see a therapist. Do they have any suggestions and/or a support group they could recommend. Maybe they know of some good chat forums for you?

I just wanted to let you know I am glad you are still on MS World. I know it is tough for you, but so many of us are cheering you on.

As exhausting as it is, keep up your fight. I pray that one day, it becomes easier for you and you can laugh again.

[kittysmith]

Thank you.

Kitty,

I wish I had answers for you. I know you see a therapist. Do they have any suggestions and/or a support group they could recommend. Maybe they know of some good chat forums for you?

I just wanted to let you know I am glad you are still on MS World. I know it is tough for you, but so many of us are cheering you on.

As exhausting as it is, keep up your fight. I pray that one day, it becomes easier for you and you can laugh again.

Thank you for your kind words and concern. I still don't feel like I fit in anywhere. I don't know if I will ever escape these feelings. There is no joy in my life. I miss having friends, going shopping, having someone to talk to. My husband says I've pushed everyone away with my attitude about myself.

I'm not asking for anything. I'm just sad and lonely and have no one to talk to. At least if I don't have face to face contact with people, it would be nice to know that others are feeling the same way.

[MSW1963]

kitty, We all need a boost from time to time, but with MS it is so much more important than the usual 'need', it's a necessity. At least that's how I've been feeling recently.Hoping you feel the boost from your MSWorld friends.

Take extra special care of yourself until you get past the difficult 'moments'.

[hunterd]

kitty,
I can relate with you. I have a son, daughter, wife and no one pays me any attention. Is it possible for you to get a pet? They only know how to give unconditional love. We are all in your corner.

[22cyclist]

Kitty: I, like huntered am alone in the house with my unloving husband. Our kids are grown and live out of state. A cat or a dog sounds like a great idea. I too have to come on here for support, and I get it and if feels great! It has saved me a couple of times. I can't get out since I am paralyzed from the waist down at least by myself. I hope you will start to feel the love here more and more.

Take care
Lisa

[kittysmith]

Thanks so much.

kitty, We all need a boost from time to time, but with MS it is so much more important than the usual 'need', it's a necessity. At least that's how I've been feeling recently.Hoping you feel the boost from your MSWorld friends.

Take extra special care of yourself until you get past the difficult 'moments'.

A friend of mine with PPMS (I am RRMS) is in a wheelchair. I feel guilty because I can walk around. She said the other night that some people have a lot of emotional issues with MS while others deal more with the physical side. Maybe it's true. In fact, when I mentioned MS and DMD's to my new therapist, she said there may not be much she can do for me. That made me feel special, lol.

Not only do we all have to deal with the physical toll MS takes on our bodies, but also our minds. I wish I could be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. I try, but I just keep making mistakes. I feel bad that I can't run after my son and take my dog for a walk without being exhausted and in pain.

I am so thankful to have a place to vent where people understand. I am sorry if I have rubbed anyone the wrong way. I do it every day. Every night, I look in the mirror and call myself terrible names and cry. I think about how much easier it would be for everyone if I had never come into their lives. I feel guilty constantly. I don't know what the answer is. Maybe I will never recover.

I am scared to death.

[kittysmith]

love my dog

kitty,
I can relate with you. I have a son, daughter, wife and no one pays me any attention. Is it possible for you to get a pet? They only know how to give unconditional love. We are all in your corner.

I have a dog. She's heard some pretty rough stuff over the years. She's the only one I am completely honest with. If I said these things to my therapist she would probably have me locked up in the psych ward. Not that there's any shame in needed to be in a psych facility. I did a partial outpatient program at a psych hospital.

If I didn't pow wow with my dog after work, I really would not still be alive. My cat...well...he's a trouble maker, but I love him. Though he would make a great bath mat, lol.

[22cyclist]

Kittysmith: The first thing you need to do for yourself is to stop talking negative to YOU. Its not fair to you. You have a lot of issues with your brain, quite arguably the best organ we have, sure there is the heart, but without the brain you are still dead. Start by giving yourself some little affirmations each morning and night, and throughout the day. Like in the morning I say "wow I did a really good job of brushing my teeth today because my hands shake so badly that toothpaste is usually all over me and the counter and the mirror. I just talk to myself in an adult voice, be softly because my brain is injured, and nobody else will do these things for me. When I get frustrated and I really want to throw something that I can't get into, or I am ALWAYS number 8 in Que and it never moves. I just take about 5 to ten deep breaths and just do A trick I learned in DEBT. On a scale of 1 to 100. 1 being not stressed at all, and 100 being Nuclear War, my whole family gets killed. I usually rate it about a 10. 10 I can deal with I tell myself Well, this is not awesome, not at all. Something better will happen to make up for this later today.

When you feel like telling yourself you look ugly; say how beautiful you hair, eyes, skin, teeth, or any body part you like is. And from then on forward you just say I shore do love my teeth, love me some teeth, got the best teeth in the world!

When thought come into your head about things you did that day you can't hit yourself or punish yourself for that, its gone, done. What you can do is say i am disappointed in the way I handled myself today. I will call my friend and apologize. Also explain to them about your autism and MS and how they interact. Forgive yourself for it and give it to the universe/God. Don't keep thinking about it. Go back to your positive affirmations about what you did very good that day. If you didn't fall that is a positive affirmation. What these do is to try and keep you from dwelling on things you have done that were out of your control, and replace those thoughts with self esteem builders. The more you love your self the more you will love others.

In addition you may want to ask about a good antidepressant. It could me just the MS.

Feel better soon
And keep writing to us
Lisa