I LOVE MY DAD BUT THIS GETTING TO BAD

[daughter15]

Hi I'm new to the forum and the 23 year old daughter of father that has been dealing with MS since being diagnosed in 2009. His anger out bursts (mood swings) are really starting to get to me along with my siblings and mother. For the past six years we have been dealing with putdowns, cussing, controlling, and paranoia. There has even been incidents where it got physical due to him getting so upset over small things like trying to explain to him about how his words are hurtful and the need for a apology. I understand he has been the main bread winner's and its been a lot of stress( which is bad for his condition) but my mother has lost two jobs in the past six years (wrongful termination). Me and my sibling have been in college helping with working jobs just to ease the financial burden along with my mother's unemployment. But now my mother has gotten sick and needs to be down for a minute while me and my siblings are trying to get the money for her surgery. I believe he is frustrated and depressed due to ds not being enough to survive and having hard time finding a job. We try to help and talk to him about taking care if himself but he refuses to listen and cusses us out. I'm just looking for some advice on how to deal with this because I 'm feeling guilty resenting him and not wanting to in the future come around.

[hunterd]

see if he will talk to a counselor. I'm sure that they have dealt with this before as it is a fairly common occurrence.
WELCOME TO MSWORLD DAUGHTER15! thank you for helping out.

[Cat Mom]

First I just wanted to say you sound like an awesome person, not only saving for your mom's surgery but also for sticking it out with your dad. You're in a horrible position and thank God for your siblings.

Secondly, MS does not cause put downs, cussing, paranoia or controlling behaviour. It just doesn't. I'm positive he's feeling beyond frustrated with MS and lots of his controlling could be caused from having a body and a life so out of control that he tries to control everything else. You didn't say how far along he is.

I hate to sound cliche but serious counselling is needed. In the meantime please watch over your mom and try to shelter her from this until she's at least well enough to deal.

Good luck, I feel for you.
Jen

[Kimba22]

Hi daughter15,

Welcome to MSWorld, but I'm so very sorry of the reasons why. Bless both you and your sibling's hearts. You are both in college, working, and dealing with all this? How incredibly stressful! I can't imagine how I would have handled all of that, and doubt my own kids (or husband) ever could handle it either! I'm really sorry to hear about your mom, too.

I don't really have much in the way of advice on how to handle your dad. I'm sure financial woes aren't helping anything, but he's in serious need of professional help!

Your father's issues may or may not have anything to do with the actual disease itself. But because of MS there can be changes in the brain. You can read more about emotional changes here: http://www.nationalmssociety.org/Sym...tional-Changes

"Behavioural changes such as confabulations, paranoid ideas, irritability, pathologically increased libido, and alcohol and substance abuse have been reported sporadically in MS patients with extensive brain lesions, requiring specialized psychiatric management." http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3002616/

None of this means he deserves a free pass from any of you. This is abusive behavior that must stop! But it may explain some of it. I hope there's a way you'll be able to get help for him. I'm not sure what to suggest if you have limited funds, though. Maybe someone one else here would be able to suggest how to go about that for you? Your mom, sibling, and you would all benefit from some counseling yourselves.

You deserve much better than this. I can't blame you for not wanting to come around your dad in the future if he doesn't change. I don't know how you are even doing it now! Remember to take care of yourself first and foremost in all of this, and do your best to help/ support your mom and your sibling. Unless he gets help and changes, to keep your own sanity and health (and this will eventually have a negative impact on your health), the best thing for you (and your sibling/ mom) may be to stay out of his life altogether.

You're obviously very special and a dedicated, determined, intelligent young adult to be doing everything you are. I give you so much credit! My heart goes out to you. I just wish there was more I could suggest that could help your situation. Thanks for seeking help here. You're welcome anytime, even if it's just to vent.

Hugs ,