Does anyobe question themselves on effort?

[pennstater]

I seem to be going thru a phase where I question myself and wonder if I have or am currently doing enough. I was wondering if others feel this way and how do you deal with it?

I know I feel better when I get some exercise and avoid fatty and sugary foods. But I haven't been able to get myself motivated. As a result of this and multiple rounds of steroids the past year, I have let myself put 25 lbs on. I know this doesn't help with fatigue and other symptoms.

So I wonder each day if I am pushing myself hard enough. So I don't feel great and things hurt and balance sometimes off, but I can still walk. Am I being lazy or should I push more? Some days I feel better when push, other days worse, and then I pay for the next day or two. Why can't I figure this out?

How can I expect others to understand when I have no answers?
.

[msgijo]

I seem to be going thru a phase where I question myself and wonder if I have or am currently doing enough. I was wondering if others feel this way and how do you deal with it?

I have been going thru this "phase" for a couple of years now. Dare I say that it is like a permanent thing now days? Poor husband is always hearing me complain about not feeling like I an doing 'enough'. Thankfully he is not like I am about the way things look. According to him the house looks fine all the time, but for me lately if the bed gets made up then the house is clean . I hate it - this is SO not who I am.

So I wonder each day if I am pushing myself hard enough. So I don't feel great and things hurt and balance sometimes off, but I can still walk. Am I being lazy or should I push more? Some days I feel better when push, other days worse, and then I pay for the next day or two. Why can't I figure this out?

I recently had an occasion when I actually felt good one day. So I decided to get in the yard and do a little much needed work. I paid for it for a couple of days after.
There is just so much that I want done around the house (notice I did not say that I wanted to do ... I know that I will not be able to do everything that I want done). So I sit around here just looking and wishing that there was some way to do what I see needs to be done. So depressing for me - it is not that I don't WANT to do things, I just cant get motivated to do anything. So tired before I even start.

How can I expect others to understand when I have no answers?

I do understand but alas I have on answers for you. But hey - if you figure it out then please let me know.
I will pass on a suggestion that I was given. I was told to just do one or two small things each day and then stop. And do the same thing the next day. But I just don't know what a "small" thing is

I have been working on practicing some acceptance. If I can do the basic stuff each day (feed the dogs, cats and chickens, and feed the goldfish when I walk down to check the mail - and yes, make the bed) then anything else is just a bonus.

[AriD]

Hi Kathy,

I completely understand what you are saying. The struggle of rest or exercise to feel better is always with me. I am fortunate enough to still be able to work but feel like that end is coming. I am really struggling to get through my shifts. And am so tired and weak after that it takes me a day or two to be ready for the next shift.

If I got more exercise would I be better? Possibly but I just don't think I can do it. I've always been a "keep moving" person despite all that I've dealt with in life. Today I stopped my gym membership since I haven't been well enough to go for several months. That felt like the ultimate defeat. Have I lost motivation or just being realistic about my health?

I want and need to keep working at least as long as I can. I put this as a priority and sacrifice exercise to be able to do it. My work does require a lot of exercise but more walking, lifting, etc not the kind of exercises I did in PT to strengthen my legs though. And I am gaining weight also.

Your post has me thinking about trying to get back with PT. Last time I went was over a year ago and the PT kept stopping the session because she felt it was too much for me. It was a lot of money to only get 5-10 minutes out of it.

Day to day I think the answer changes Kathy. If you figure it out please let me know.

[palmtree]

That's a great question. I sure do question myself. I keep expecting someone to say, 'ok enough resting, time to get your act together.'

Then I turn over and go to sleep. I tell myself I am accomplishing something by resting. And maybe I am.

[mercadies25]

I Understand Completely. I Have For The Most Part Given In To What , When And Or If I Do Anything. It Was Only A Few Years Back That I Walked My Dogs 2 Miles Every Day. Now I Walk 10 Ft. To End Of The Sidewalk And My Legs Are Saying I Just Don't Think So.

Kathy, I See Your On Tysabri. I Was Hoping This Would Be The Miracle That Gave Me My Energy And Strength Back, But Nope. I Have Also Gained Weight Which Is An Added Struggle.

I Agree With Msgijo Lots Of Things I See That My Dh Doesn't See That Needs To Be Done. Well I Used To Be A Go Go Go Person Now I Sit And Sleep.

Oh Well It Is What It Is.
Good Luck To All.

[msgijo]

Dont think I will be pushing today.

Beautiful day out. Nice temps, sun shinning (plenty of vit D). The bulbs are coming up (and I have some that need to go in the ground too). And the outdoors is calling me. Loudly.

Inside I have laundry that needs to be put away. And dishes to wash. And the floors ... And lets not forget that I need to sit down and pay some bills (yuck - numbers).

So my plans for today? Hmm ... Play on the computer? Try to finish a book I have been reading for over a week? Go back to bed?

Choices, choices. And I really don't feel up to even making the choice of what to do today .

[Thinkimjob]

Well, of course, but there is still, hopefully, more to my life than fighting a battle I'm very unlikely to win with MS.

Certainly life is too short and too hard to feel guilty about things that are beyond my control.

I already spend too much time thinking about MS, and working out how I'm going to get through the next day.

If I could do more, I would do more.

[Portia]

I struggle and second guess and all that. Lately, even when I feel good and feel like I have energy, I get up and go for about 15 or 20 minutes. Then I make myself sit down and rest for the same amount of time. As the day goes on, the breaks get a little longer. I can only do so much.

[Windwalker]

A good question...I would have to step it up quite a bit to feel like I could not do more.

Gaining weight is not good, whatever the reason. Extra weight means extra effort.

Of course fatigue is a major factor. We all know when that debilitating fatigue sets in, it's hard to get motivated to do anything.

To answer the question; Yes, all the time. More in the sense that I could work out more. I do not question my effort during my sessions. I give all I got...and some days, thank god not too often, I got very little.

[pennstater]

Thanks for letting me know I am not alone. I am really struggling with this most days.

Did laundry Saturday and helped my husband shovel yesterday, and down for the count yesterday afternoon and today. But today, I know it is not a question of effort.

!I will have to reread responses when when I am more alert.

[poppydarling]

All the time LOL I grew up with a very critical and judgmental mother, so it has been a lifetime of work to deprogram her voice in my head that keeps cracking the whip, irrespective of how I'm feeling. Learning to love and accept myself wherever I am has been one of the hardest but most rewarding experiences, and this crazy disease helped get me there. I finally realized that you can't be compassionate and kind toward others unless you are compassionate toward yourself. Yet I still ask myself multiple times a day "Am I being too lazy?" "Why can't I just do one more little thing?" I'm getting better, though! I tell myself be quiet and sit and rest a little while longer because it feels good and right and the Activity Police are not coming to get you

[Mamabug]

I try not to beat myself up for not doing enough.

In 2010/2011, I lost 60 pounds. I went from 180 lbs to 120 lbs; from a size 22 to a size 6. I maintained that, fairly well, for a few years. Gained just a little back when menopause hit.

However, this past year, I went on steroids twice, due to steroids, gaining seven pounds each time. So, I was up to 136. In September, I began working at losing the weight again. I'm doing everything I did before, but, a few years older, and, yeah, after menopause, it's not as easy this time. I'm down to 132, as of yesterday. it fluctuates, day to day, and week to week, but, overall, although it goes up and down, it has gone down a little. My goal is to get back to 121 or 122. At this rate (((sigh))), it might take a year or two.

I did not exercise at all, during my previous weight loss. Hate exercising! But, I joined Curves, two or three years ago, due to the whole hormone thing. I only go two or three times a week. And, I need to modify it. Might only exercise 15 - 20 minutes, instead of the whole 30 minute circuit. But, at least it's something. It's the first time, ever, in my life, that I've exercised consecutively for more than a year. And, most of my life, I haven't exercised at all.

So; I'm not doing a lot. But, I'm doing what I'm willing to do. Sometimes, giving ourselves permission to do less than what we believe we "should" do is a good thing. it might help us to at least do "something", instead of throwing in the towel and doing "nothing".

[pennstater]

poppydarling - love the "activity police". thanks for sharing, and you are right, sometimes we do need to remind ourselves it is OK to rest

mamabug - congrats on your weight loss. that is awesome. I am sure you will accomplish your goal, you seem determined.

I guess I have to remember that slow and steady win the race. I still over do it the days I feel well and then pay for it. You think I would have figured it out by now!

Thanks again to everyone. Knowing everyone else shares in the experience helps me to be more patient and less critical of myself. I just wish we all didn't have to share in this MS journey. But since we do, can't think of a better group of people to share it with.

[Mermaid Susan]

Feeling Good About Myself

This is a great thread, and very close to my heart. I love movement for its own sake, so I include a workout in the pool everyday. I do it because it makes me feel I am being myself, even if MS has put limitations on what I can do.

Some days, however, I can't go to the pool because I have an extra activity, usually a rehearsal for the Bell Choir or, most recently, a rehearsal for a Liturgical Dance I am choreographing. Both of these things are also things I love. At first, I would try to make it to the health club even on those Saturdays and Sundays. I realized I was thinking that if I missed a day's workout, for any reason, I might just never move again. That was a mistake. I inevitably crashed with that exaggerated effort, and sometimes the effects lasted for days and days.

I think now that what is important for me is to do what I love to do. I rarely bother to use up any of the energy which I might have for movement by using it up for "work" like house cleaning or such. So my house is a wreck - at least I am less of one because I am taking what enjoyment I can out of living.

"Making an effort" is not a utilitarian standard. It's a life-supporting one. Find something that you love to be active doing and do that. Let the rest go. You are entitled to define for yourself what is "enough." Please ignore any voices, past or present, that suggest otherwise. It is not selfish, IMO. It's empowered.

Stay lifted,
Mermaid

[pennstater]

Thanks mermaidsusan. Now I can see where your username came from.

I do have to get back to what I enjoy. That will definitely help.

Glad to hear your advice!