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    My husband asked me to move out...

    So sad my heart literally hurts. He said he would give me some time. We have a rental house that is open so I will live there but he is unwilling to take care of me anymore. My mom wants to put me in a nursing home. I still feel too healthy to be put in a nursing home.

    Life sucks

    Lisa
    Disabled RN with MS for 14 years
    SPMS EDSS 7.5 Wheelchair (but a racing one)
    Tysabri

    #2
    Nothing to say to make it better, but just want to offer you a hug. I'm thinking of you and I hope things start to get better for you. you had had a tough time lately

    Comment


      #3
      Lisa, my heart aches for you. I hope you find some comfort in the words and thoughts posted here at MSWorld. You have been in my thoughts for days.

      Have you hired an attorney? In your fragile state you are in no position to consider all that may be at stake that will determine your financial security.

      Have you considered hiring full time care?

      Thinking of you and best wishes coming your way.

      Comment


        #4
        I am just talking to an attorney now. Thank you for thinking of me, I just had to write about it and get it out. It helps so much just to get rid of it.

        Lisa
        Disabled RN with MS for 14 years
        SPMS EDSS 7.5 Wheelchair (but a racing one)
        Tysabri

        Comment


          #5
          Why doesn't HE move out?

          I also think you should contact an attorney. Why should YOU move out? Why doesn't HE move out? He's perfectly able-bodied and won't suffer medically from the stress of the move. And depending on the state where you live, there are advantages in a settlement if you stay in the house, as I understand it. If you're already out, it's hard for a lawyer to make the case that you should keep possession. So consult with a lawyer. And you needn't tell your husband you've done so.

          You may also want to figure out a way to protect your part of the money in joint accounts and investments. I know a couple women who have suffered under their now-ex-husbands emptying out accounts and leaving them splitting the debt in the divorce. So again, see a lawyer ASAP.

          Comment


            #6
            Oh Lisa~ my heart hurts alongside with you. I am so saddened by this news.

            My thoughts on this is to push hard not to be sent to a nursing home, but seek more full time home health care help. You are strong and resilient with a fighting spirit, so stand tall and advocate with a strong voice for your future needs!!

            I am thinking of you with and sending prayers your way. Life sometimes is so unfair.. but we are all here standing strong with you!
            1st sx '89 Dx '99 w/RRMS - SP since 2010
            Administrator Message Boards/Moderator

            Comment


              #7
              Oh, Lisa. I'm so very, very sorry. It makes me so sad to hear this, my heart hurts for you. I honestly don't know how anyone can abandon someone with a clear conscience. It's not something you deserve. I'm glad you consulted an attorney.

              I'm not sure what else to say, except we care and will always be here for you.

              You are in my prayers.
              Kimba

              “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” ― Max Planck

              Comment


                #8
                I am SO sorry. That is heartbreaking. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I hope you have some good people in your life to sorround you with love.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Lisa-As someone who has been through this, I hate to say it but now is the time NOT to be sad...save that for later. Get tough, get mad and take everything you can get.

                  You are getting a lawyer...good. Get the finaces locked down. Get someone to pack a bag of clothes for him, put it on the doorstep and change all the locks. Do not let him move you out of your home. Make him move.

                  Hire full time care...its his dime too until a divorce. Then consider a really nice assisted living facility with a nice two bedroom apartment and a beautiful view. That should be part of the settlement.

                  Darlin', I am not going to tell you this is going to be easy because its not. But trust me when I say It will get better...but not today.

                  Thoughts and prayers are with you. ((()))
                  Katie
                  "Yep, I have MS, and it does have Me!"
                  "My MS is a Journey for One."
                  Dx: 1999 DMDS: Avonex, Copaxone, Rebif, currently on Tysabri

                  Comment


                    #10
                    My heart is breaking for you, Lisa. Your posts on this site have been a godsend to me, over the last few years. I am so angry that MS has this kind of influence on 'our' lives. If you don't have MS, you don't get it.
                    MS sucks, I pray for you every day.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Chin up, you just lost at least 180+ pounds of stress.

                      Seriously, this might be the best thing too happen to you. Trying to maintain a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be there is stressful beyond words. Please heed advise.
                      1. if you move out it is "abandonment", if he wants to leave he knows where the door is.
                      2. Being separated will allow you to take advantage of any state help that is available. His income is no longer a factor.
                      3. You might be entitled to "maintenance support" because you're disabled.
                      4. Not even knowing the situation, this person is using your disease against you. It is controlling and manipulative and unhealthy.
                      5. Do not be surprised how much better you feel once he is gone and the games are over it will only prove that he was hindering your MS and not helping.
                      6. My husband (#2) knew I had MS when we met and here we are still together after 16 years. Happy endings still await you, you just have to lose the man-anchor holding you down.

                      Peace,
                      Anna

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Very sorry to hear this. I agree with prior poster. He can move out. I also agree with hiring private care vs. nursing home if you do not wish to go to a nursing home. Sorry, but why do your mom's wishes even enter into the equation at this point?

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Lisa,

                          I am so sorry to hear this. He will be the one that must look at himself everyday for the rest of his life and question if he did enough for the " in sickness" part of his vows.

                          I wish there was someway to help you thru this difficult time. If you can, I would stay out of the nursing home as long as possible. If you can't live by yourself with assistance, is a group home for the disabled a
                          possibility or are there any organizations in your area or where you want to live that help disabled live independently?

                          Please let us know how you are doing. You have helped so many here. I feel utterly helpless now that you need the extra hand.
                          Kathy
                          DX 01/06, currently on Tysabri

                          Comment


                            #14
                            People have expressed my feelings more eloquently than I can. I'm sorry!

                            I also echo what the others have said about not moving out. Get a firebrand
                            attorney and ensure both your short and long term needs are met. He made
                            the decision and now he should face the legal consequences of his decision.

                            Hang in there!

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Lisa, I am so sorry. I am glad you are talking with a lawyer. Please do not leave your home. You can get home health care. I agree with KatieAgain put it in the settlement that he is to pay for it or an assisting living home if that is what you want.

                              I will be thinking of you and praying for you.
                              God Bless Us All

                              Comment

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