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    #16
    Oh my dear..HUGS all around! As you can see we truly care about you and your well being. But I do have some thoughts if you don't mind reading on..K?

    First of all, I would find it hard to get past the terrible sting of "I don't love you anymore." I know, I know. And as much as most on here have suggested couple counseling, I would suggest to wait on that until you each get to talk privately with a therapist. The reason is many guys are not comfortable, nor have the ability to deal with feelings then to be put on the "spot" so to speak, in front of you and a professional, it makes it very difficult. Think about that.

    So until you both ready to be in front of a therapist, I would first suggest finding ways, if you can, to meet each others needs. For you, maybe seek ways for others to take turns to come and help you. (and I turn it would help him. Not sure if you have family, friends or church members who can figure out a schedule to help you. That way he can he can come home to maybe a donated meal, cleaning, and care for you. Things like that.
    Possible?

    And could he do it all for you, like did for him? He's not you, sadly, and who knows. Yes, that sure seems self centered. His needs aren't being met.. neither are yours.. Sounds like the stages of grief=the could've beens, should've beens for both of you.

    Have you thought of writing to him? And then ask him to write to you?

    Just some thoughts.. this is a turning point for sure. Maybe for the better..

    Hugs my dear. My email address is in my profile, if you care to write privately.

    Jan
    I believe in miracles~!
    2004 Benign MS 2008 NOT MS
    Finally DX: RR MS 02.24.10

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      #17
      Lisa, I am also sorry you are going thru this. I can't add to any of the advice you have already received. I just want you to know I am thinking of you and will say a prayer for you and your husband.
      God Bless Us All

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        #18
        Sending up many prayers for you Lisa! I can relate somewhat and it's hard, not fair, and just stinks sometimes! (Okay, many times

        GOD IS GOOD! GOD IS WITH US ALL THE TIME! He knows what is going on even more than we do. No matter what, we have Him on our side and He will never leave! And even sends us many angels to help along the way.

        We are human and all deal with stress differently, and sadly not the healthiest of ways either. But we must try and hard it is when spouses arent on the same page.

        My husband took a job across the country, four years ago, yes four years ago, knowing I could not move with him. Has been saying he wants to move home with me...I'm not a victim nor leaving him, I'm just doing what I need to do and hoping it's the right thing! Major surgeries, disabilities, hospitals, the whole nine with MS... We're still married but for the love of everything in this world, I can't understand how someone could walk away from their spouse because of illness. And excuses excuses...

        I've also heard how 'he deserves to be with someone healthy' OMGDNS!! My husband didn't say that and denies any truth in it, but people close to him have said it and blatantly disregard me...whatever, we have much more to deal with than people's unkind judgements.

        Point being, we have a difficult disease to deal with, and all of life's challenges. So I have found that reaching out, just like you have, and praying with THANKS helps so much. When I feel alone, even in the MS community, I remember God and pray to Him.

        So best to be accountable for ourselves and share love, it's the most powerful force.

        Please know, we are all in this together and I, along with others on this thread, am sending you hugs!! Blessings and prayers for both you and your husband!!
        There is always a rainbow!

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          #19
          Oh my gosh, I am so sorry, Lisa. I agree with others that counseling might help as well as some extra care and household help while you recover from surgery.

          ((hugs))
          Aitch - Writer, historian, wondermom. First symptoms in my teens, DX'd in my twenties, disabled in my thirties. Still the luckiest girl in the world.

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            #20
            Oh Lisa, this is such a shock. The way you described your relationship I thought, 'what a wonderful model of grace the way you handle MS together'. It makes me so angry at this disease. So angry.

            I don't really believe he doesn't love you anymore. I think he is just burned out. He needs a vacation. Maybe he should go off on a cruise and someone can care for you while he's gone.

            My situation is equally confusing. My husband and I separated in 1994 because of my health. He had a very low threshold for accepting a wife who wasn't in perfect health. We have been carrying on with our separate lives but neither one remarrying.

            After my dx he was very supportive. When I was being wheeled into surgery for a brain aneurism there he was holding my hand.

            Finally, I decided I wanted to move to a different state in a cooler climate. I rented an apartment and made plans to move. When I returned from my trip, I came to talk to him. I told him I was moving away and after that I was going to Dignitas. He seemed extremely upset at the thought of me being gone. Really gone.

            He told me he would remodel the house so I could have an apartment and he would take care of me. I thought he didn't really mean it so I have continued with my plans to move.

            Tonight I just felt this pain in my heart at the thought of never seeing him again. I wrote him a text message and asked him what I should do. He wrote back, "you should not go. I will start the remodel right away.'

            This is all so complicated. I wonder if you told him you would be leaving and moving in with a family member that it would help. Once you are gone and he's moping around the house I wonder if his heart will warm again.

            There are so many kinds of love. But I think being willing to make sacrifices is a deeper kind of love than romantic love.

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              #21
              Thank you all for your beautiful and thoughtful responses. I will take them to heart.

              Love
              Lisa
              Disabled RN with MS for 14 years
              SPMS EDSS 7.5 Wheelchair (but a racing one)
              Tysabri

              Comment


                #22
                Originally posted by 22cyclist View Post
                Thank you all for your beautiful and thoughtful responses. I will take them to heart.

                Love
                Lisa
                OH Lisa dear~ HUGS!!
                Let us hold you up for awhile.. for as long as you need!

                Yes, let him leave, not you. He is still has a marriage contract; you have rights.

                You'll know what to do. Listen to your inner voice... spiritually it will guide I believe.

                Warmly, Jan
                I believe in miracles~!
                2004 Benign MS 2008 NOT MS
                Finally DX: RR MS 02.24.10

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