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Behind the curtain, is dark, sad, and very lonely

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    Behind the curtain, is dark, sad, and very lonely

    I'm taking to antidepressants. Zoloft 200mgs, Trazedone 50mg. They work, I don't feel depressed for most of the day but when time comes, they seem to wear off. That's when I take them, at night. But I can always tell when it's time to take them because my mood start plummeting. And during the day, I feel like my very deep depression is very much still there but hiding behind a curtain, or like what the drugs really do, is just give me a veil to wear over my face so no one can see how depressed I really am. But I still am, I'm just able to put on a mask more easily.

    Are there any antidepressants that actually work? Get rid of your depression, even behind the curtain? I guess I should see a psychiatrist, I have been seeing a psychologist while I was in rehab it will take me a while to start seeing her again. She agreed though but I have plenty very valid reasons, entirely aside from this disease, to really have a load of depression on me.

    I had told her the number of times that I really feel like I have PTSD from some of the things that I've been through which most people could never handle. Then on top of all that is this disease, and I feel sometimes like the reason you know I'm crippled is because of the PTSD.

    The last time I saw my regular doctor was almost 2 years ago, because I was home bound, she had put me on Prozac and one day I accidentally took double the dose. The way I found out about it was because suddenly I was really strong and walking around like everything was normal without even thinking about it. So I went back to her and told her that I would like to have my dose increased and why. She said that I was already taking the maximum dose and I couldn't take anymore than I already was and she said she doubted very much that was the Prozac causing me to feel so much stronger unless I had a really strong mind body connection. Just sitting there looking at her, I just wanted to scream "well of course I have a really strong mind body connection!" Without getting into that part of it, I should add that part of my occupation requires to be extremely in touch with myself, with my inner self and also my faith is a big part of that because it is basically the study your mind body connection, exactly that.

    Then come to find out several months ago when I saw my new neurologist and requested to have a prescription for antidepressants, I told her about this experience with my regular doctor the year, before and I told her the dose that my doctor said was the maximum dose. My neurologist was exasperated and exclaimed, "that's not correct!" That dose that I had requested was not the maximum at all. So I think what it came down to was that my regular doctor did not want to deal with my depression and just wanted to send me off to a psychiatrist even though there's like only one in this county. So that's basically just brushing me off and saying it's not my problem.

    Meanwhile, I suffered from debilitating depression for two years because she lied to me and couldn't be bothered. And now I'm just a shadow of who I was.
    ---------------
    "It's never crowded along the extra mile." --Dr. Wayne Dyer

    #2
    I am so sorry that you have/are dealing with depression. I hope that with the increased dosage, you can start to feel a little more like yourself again. I will be thinking of you and praying for you.

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      #3
      Hi RockysMom,

      I had told her the number of times that I really feel like I have PTSD from some of the things that I've been through which most people could never handle. Then on top of all that is this disease, and I feel sometimes like the reason you know I'm crippled is because of the PTSD.
      If you feel you my have PTSD please see a Psychiatrist for a proper diagnosis and treatment. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder has a diagnostic criteria:
      http://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/...teria_ptsd.asp

      http://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/...eria_dsm-5.asp

      You may or may not be on the right antidepressant and dosage. These medications are within the specialty of a Psychiatrist.

      Are there any antidepressants that actually work? Get rid of your depression, even behind the curtain?
      Yes, but it can be trial and error in finding what works best for you.
      Diagnosed 1984
      “Lightworkers aren’t here to avoid the darkness…they are here to transform the darkness through the illuminating power of love.” Muses from a mystic

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by SNOOPY View Post
        You may or may not be on the right antidepressant and dosage. These medications are within the specialty of a Psychiatrist.
        .
        I agree that a psychiatrist or psych NP would be the professional who is best qualified to prescribe psychiatric medications especially in more complicated cases. Fwiw Trazodone, although an antidepressant, is largely not considered to have antidepressant properties at lower doses. In most cases it is prescribed as a sleep aid in doses from 25mg to 150mg.
        He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
        Anonymous

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          #5
          So sorry that you suffered for so long needlessly, RockysMom. I've come to the point where I never take anything one doctor says as gospel. Too many have told me things that were demonstrably incorrect. It astounds me that they can be just plain wrong so often!
          PPMS
          Dx 07/13

          Comment


            #6
            Thank you all for your kind compassionate words.

            Snoopy, I checked the links you posted but I was already familiar with the criteria which I easily meet. However, I did look up a PTSD psychiatrist near me so I will be hoping to visit that one within 30 days or so. I have also discussed this with my psychologist. I know that this is an occupational hazard. And yet, that is exactly why I do it, because very few others step up. And things will not change with that so I must get the help I need. And hope that along with PT/OT, I can get better.

            Life is so weird sometimes. Yet I keep finding little embers to keep me hoping something will help, ya know?
            ---------------
            "It's never crowded along the extra mile." --Dr. Wayne Dyer

            Comment


              #7
              First of all, I am so sorry you have been enduring such misery for soo long. That is appalling! Instead of lying to you, I would think that your prescribing doc would send you do a psychiatrist to handle your mental health needs.

              That would be like them handling your MS or another disease that requires a specialist. Hope you get to the best psychiatrist that can truly take care of you.

              Let us know how you are doing.

              Gentle hug, Jan
              I believe in miracles~!
              2004 Benign MS 2008 NOT MS
              Finally DX: RR MS 02.24.10

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