Are any nursing home patients happy?

[RockysMom]

This topic is so central for most of us. I cannot/will not subject my family members to the life destroying task of caring for me with advanced MS.

As I wrote in last summer, I went to a "rehab"center for 24 hours. I have asthma and allergies and I found the environment to be insurviveable. The staff was very friendly and upbeat but I told them one thing: "GET ME OUT OF HERE". I couldn't breathe because the air quality was so bad. The nurses told me it was the cleanest place they had ever worked at but I was in allergic agony from all the dirt.

The only water supply was one little faucet in the bathroom which had a sign that said, "please conserve water." Going to a nursing home means never taking a shower or bath again for the rest of your life. The nurses came in and asked the lady next to me if she wanted a shower. I thought they were going to take her into a special shower room.

Palmtree this sounds like the first place I went to for half an hour which was 80 degrees in the whole buliding and they said the heat wasn't even on! I later learned they don't have air conditioning! How does anyone survive there much less someone with MS?

The second place I went was the total opposite. The staff is so wonderful, the rooms are clean as a whistle and the staff is sympathetic to solving any problems. I wouldn't mind living here when I'm in advanced stages but hopefully that's a long ways off.

I think people should go out now and tour facilities in their area to find one like this. As for showers, they give nice bed baths and I could get Hoyer lifted into a shower chair if my knee weren't so painful.

[palmtree]

Hi Rockysmom,

I'm so glad you are in a comfortable place. You are right, we need to shop around so the decision isn't made for us when the time comes.

Some/most people are more resilient than I am when it comes to our environment. I have asthma and wildly sensitive skin. This is the crux of my terror about the whole subject. If someone else decides when my skin is clean and I don't have a say in it, it could cause terrible suffering. I suppose, like anything else, communication is the key. If I get a sensitive caregiver who will let me guide them it could be a nice relationship.

Enough about me, I hope your holidays are wonderful as you report them to us LIVE from from rehab headquarters.

[Tawanda]

[QUOTE=palmtree;1466677] Going to a nursing home means never taking a shower or bath again for the rest of your life. The nurses came in and asked the lady next to me if she wanted a shower. I thought they were going to take her into a special shower room.

But, to my horror, there were about 7 staff members standing around her bed holding mattress pads and the sound of rags being rung out in a dirty bucket of water. In other words, a shower consists of getting your bum cleaned off, then the rest of your body gets washed with the water they used to rinse off the rags.
[QUOTE=palmtree;1466677]
OMG No showers!? I had no idea. Nobody in my extended family has ever been in a nursing home. I was totally naïve. No wonder everyone is so darn scared of this thread!

[Jules A]

OMG No showers!? I had no idea. Nobody in my extended family has ever been in a nursing home. I was totally naïve. No wonder everyone is so darn scared of this thread!

No there are definitely showers at nursing homes they push you in a plastic "shower chair" into the shower room but in my experience they aren't done on a daily basis and bed-baths are done in between. Either way when someone isn't able to care for themselves hygiene is an uphill battle.

[DianeD]

Had to join this discussion

I had my mom, my dad, my grandmother and great uncle, plus my dh's mother in a nursing home. My opinion is that there is little happiness in such an environment. I'm happy to hear you have a good situation. I've found that if you can afford a good home it is helpful, though not perfect. If you are poor, or even have average means the only way you find a good placement is if you get lucky.

My parents had little assets so they used them up fast and were unable to find good placements. I think of many nursing homes as the worst thing that can happen and that is pretty much what happened to my parents and other relatives. I spent nearly everyday for 6 yrs traveling to my mom's and dad's nursing homes. I spent countless hours there trying to advocate for them.

Even if you get good care, an institutional environment is hard to feel like home. I can understand why you would want to go home, but unless home is a place that you can receive good care and lots of love, I think you are better off working on optimizing your situation where you are at.

Best regards. Diane

[KatieAgain]

My Aunt was in a "upper tier" Nursing Home. They did not brush her teeth. They became so rotten, we had to have them removed and she was unable to wear dentures.

Cant even begin to tell you how many times she was sitting in soiled/wet diaper when we visited.

However, with that said I have had several relatives in Assisted Living...and it was very nice and yes, they were happy. They had little apartments, they were brought meals and nurses visited daily. It was not a bad thing. All but one went directly into Hospice Care from Assisted Living.

[dyin_myelin]

Before "it" happened I was considering becoming a nurse as a summers project, and decided to work up from CNA. Anyway I was reading message boards for healthcare workers and basically from their position it is too few hands and too many patients, and "they will just chew you out for not having mom or dad ready, so just splash some water on their face and slap some make-up on and keep it moving" and "old people have thin skin anyway so you don't want to dry it out, they actually appreciate not being bathed."

Parent of student is recreational therapist and was saying at her nursing home sometimes it looks like the shadows breathe-bed bugs, roaches, and mice. I actually threw out the chair she was sitting on. My grandmother lived in an ACTS community, they are in FL and NC and maybe some other places by now. If you can walk you can join, it's a retirement community (religious, and although I'm an atheist I wouldn't mind being housed in one) that serves lunch and dinner and transitions you to hospice at the end.

[RockysMom]

I'm now very unhappy

And getting out of here asap, but will be right before Christmas.

[DianeD]

More Info Please

I'm very lucky to be in a high quality, caring facility where the staff are exceptionally kind. There's plenty of small problems but they try their best to fix them all.

However, I desperately want to get home although at the moment, I feel very down about how things will be when I get there. I'm very depressed but I see my loving spouse every day but he and I desperately wish for things to be as they were about two years ago.

This will probably seem nosy; sorry. Are you in a private home? I have had the unfortunate situation of having my parents, grandmother, great uncle and MIL in nursing home. None were acceptable with the exception of MIL's home. It was private care; very expensive. My poor parents could not afford private care so theirs was awful. As a matter of fact, my mom and dad were both in nursing homes, but not the same one. They didn't even get to see each other in the last yrs of their lives. if you are thinking I didn't try hard to get them together, forget it. I tried everything; no one cared. When I finally got them a potential home where they could at least be in the same home, different rooms, the day we were moving my mother the home called and said they were refusing my dad entry as he had a tube feeding.

Count your blessings if you are in a good home. They almost do not exist. Everything and worse than what is reported here is true.

I wish you the best and hope you can work things out.

Diane

[DianeD]

"worse than death"

I like your vision, palmtree!

I debated posting this thread for 2 days before I decided I thought it time to address this pink elephant of an issue. It seems we fear nursing homes more than death.

One of the most difficult decisions is to put a loved one in a nursing home. Sometimes caring for those you love becomes impossible. My mom had a ruptured colon, which she survived, though had to have a colostomy. The colostomy was reversible, but when my mom went in for that surgery, she ended up with sepsis and staff which put her into a coma. She was in a coma for 6 wks and when she finally came out of it the hospital shoved her out the door. I had about 48 hrs to find a nursing home. Do you know why I had to find a nursing home? When my mom was in the coma she had foot drop; it was so severe that she never could stand or walk again. She spent 6 yrs. in a crummy nursing home. I spent those yrs. driving back and forth (50 miles) every day. I was her advocate and fought for her quality of life (a losing battle) every single day.

I don't mean to frighten anyone, but everyone needs to be aware of what a nursing home truly is. I'm sure there are decent ones, but they are the exception, not the rule.

Diane

[DianeD]

Google

Okay, try googling. I went online and searched and there are many roommate sites. One is 'Mature Roommates' and one list of roommate sites even said to check out Craigslist (carefully).

I would think if you googled 'room, free rent in exchange for household chores' you might find more information.

Good luck.

Diane

[RockysMom]

This will probably seem nosy; sorry. Are you in a private home?
Diane

No it isn't a private home, not sure what you mean by that but anyone can be put in here from the hospital but it isn't bearable for me to be away from my elderly bunnies any longer. Three have passed of old age (11, 12, and one younger but less healthy one) and they are my life, my husband's too. If I stay here another two months, I will not progress, I can tell that, and more of my geriatric pets will die without me having seen them in months. I cannot bear it.

When I'm older (only 50) I won't have them and meanwhile I'll be considering options. I would probably go to Switzerland or whatever states here then have such provisions as Switzerland. But I also plan to get a lot better before then.

[palmtree]

I think a private home means a board and care place. Someone converts an old home into a place for old people.

Rockysmom,

I hope you can see your bunnies soon. I love bunnies. In my dream place for people with MS I would put bunnies. Lots of them. I plan to start a foundation to build a place for people with MS.A place for them to live independently, enjoy the hobbies they love, be around animals, garden, state of the art mobility and bathing equipment and many more things that could create a rich community.

[kelm10]

Avoidance to a certain aspect

I have lived many of the lives listed above, except the actual stay in a rehab facility or nursing home.

I have had both parents in a nursing home.

I have worked in nursing homes and assisted living.

As with everything, there is good and bad every where.

Yes, the more money you have the posher the place and usually the better care. But, not always. Neglect can happen anywhere.

The first person I thought of when I was diagnosed with MS was a patient that I took care of in the nursing home, years ago. Both as a nurse's aide and as a nurse. She had been nursing home bound for probably greater then 20 years with most of them years being bed bound and dependent on all of her care. She could talk with a soft voice and turn her head.

I know that in her many years as a nursing home patient that she had difficult times and not the "greatest" of care. Many times she was taken care of by those with experience and got great care. She had the most positive attitude for what she was going through.

I hope that if and when the time comes that I need to be in a place like that. I can have the same attitude.

I have advanced directives (living will and durable power of healthcare attorney.) I chose my healthcare power of attorneys with great care and have been grooming them with my wishes as life goes on. Because, my wishes have evolved with time. My healthcare providers and the hospitals that I go to have copies of them, so that there is no problem with them understanding of my wishes.

I, too, live for the day that we can have a community of "houses" that can house us together close, but, independent. I know one of the "care facilities" in this greater metropolitan area has cottages with each person having their own bedroom.

The term nursing home and assisted living can be almost synonymous with each other. In Ohio it basically just means that the caregivers (nurse's aides) do not have to be certified by the state, unlike the ones that are employed by a nursing home. Now, some of them are very nice and not what most would consider a nursing home. Others, look just like a nursing home.

If you find yourself or a loved one in a facility that you are not getting the care that you need then speak up, but, be effective and nice about it. If you are not getting the answers that you need then go higher up, if it is corporate owned then go higher in the corporation, but, make sure that you follow the chain of command (ie. director of nursing, then administrator, social worker can be spoken to, also, then corporate.)

Then I believe that every state in the United States has what is called an ombudsman program. It has a 800 number and you can be anonymous. They have to follow up with complaints that are filed.

I am getting to the point that I may have to place my aunt in assisted living. I am openly dragging my feet. Not because that I do not think she will get good care, but, for at the beginning it will add to her dementia that she is experiencing. But, I know that we are getting closer to that time that she needs to go.

I have been shopping around for months for what will work out well for her and me. One of the cousins that is actively involved in helping her made a statement about not many will visit if she is placed near me (where the options of facilities is greatly increased.) But, very few are visiting her now, I highly doubt that it is going to increase much if I place her there. If I have her close to me, I can check on her daily or more often and can take her for outings more, if she can tolerate them.

I would move her in with me if I did not have teenage boys that would just add to her confusion. She has lived alone most of her life since her siblings then parents moved out or passed away. There is a lot to consider and it is not an easy move.

Thank you for starting this sensitive topic. Everyone do what is best for you. It is your body and mind, not anyone else's. This in my opinion leaves everyone else's input almost null.

But, if I had one word of advice. As soon as you can, make sure that your at the very least have a healthcare power of attorney made out. You can do this with out a lawyer. The forms are on line and most hospitals have copies that you can have. They just need to be witnessed in most states. Some states require that the signature needs to be notarized. Most banking institutions have notaries. Most hospitals will have notaries on staff in some department somewhere if it is required in your state.

[Tawanda]

The first person I thought of when I was diagnosed with MS was a patient that I took care of in the nursing home, years ago. Both as a nurse's aide and as a nurse. She had been nursing home bound for probably greater then 20 years with most of them years being bed bound and dependent on all of her care. She could talk with a soft voice and turn her head.

kelm10,
Did this person have M.S.? Sounds like my mother and a friend of the family who had aggressive M.S. My mother lived at home, was cared for by my family (who had no clue what we were doing) and lived 12 years. Her MS friend was placed in a nursing home where she remained for 20 or 30 years. Pretty ugly. If my mom had "proper care" she could have lived a lot longer...but to what end really?