African Americans with MS?

[Evolvn916]

Good news Queen Lavee!

[Evolvn916]

Thanks for posting Tellnhelen! I hope we can actively grow this thread.

Take care.

[Evolvn916]

Family Support?

Is My a Daughter Getting Tired of Me?
Hi. Yesterday, my daughter became annoyed because I didn't feel like walking around the grocery store with her. I gave her my credit card and the grocery list. I told her I would sit in the car. My legs felt like tires were wrapped around them. This was our 2nd stop of the morning. She commented that I was getting lazy and stormed out of the car.

My children are the loves of my life. I spend more time with my daughter than my son because she VOLUNTEERS to go most places with me.

During the afternoon, she was cooking and commented, "you can help me. You are not sick. I reminded her that I cook, maybe twice per year, for the last several years. Cooking has never (in her lifetime) been my thing. My husband used to cook before he passed away. Now, my daughter enjoys cooking and VOLUNTEERS to cook periodically.

Obviously, I need to talk to her further. Those comments clearly let me know how she feels. And I guess I was surprised and somewhat hurt. She knows me better than anyone on earth.

If I don't talk to her about it I am concerned that animosity will begin to surface between us. I LOVE my daughter too much to allow that to happen. She has always had my back!

I have always been very independent and never wanted to be a burden on anyone (including my children). I don't want her to feel like I am taking advantage of her or blocking her life.

Thank you for listening! Have you experienced anything like this?

[Evolvn916]

Defining Friends?

I have noticed my circle of friends has significantly decreased. First, the phone calls started to decrease to once per week. Now, it's more like once per month or so. I have made attempts to rekindle relationships, but it's not the same.

This makes me really think about the definition of friends. My circle of friends were all coworkers. Were they really my friends or simply business acquaintances? Am I no longer relevant (to them) because I have retired?

New world....new chapter. Perhaps I should welcome a new circle of friends. They should include people with similar interest who care about me (and vice versa) just because I am a good person.

As I think about it some family members have also become distant. Hummm.

Thoughts?

[rdmc]

I have noticed my circle of friends has significantly decreased. First, the phone calls started to decrease to once per week. Now, it's more like once per month or so. I have made attempts to rekindle relationships, but it's not the same.

This makes me really think about the definition of friends. My circle of friends were all coworkers. Were they really my friends or simply business acquaintances? Am I no longer relevant (to them) because I have retired?

New world....new chapter. Perhaps I should welcome a new circle of friends. They should include people with similar interest who care about me (and vice versa) just because I am a good person.

As I think about it some family members have also become distant. Hummm.

Thoughts?

Many years ago (back in the 60's) my grandmother lived with us. I still remember her "sage" advice about true friends. She'd say "When you get to the end of your life, you'll be able to count your TRUE friends on one hand, and probably have fingers left over."

I'm about the age she was when she used to tell us that, and I think it's true. Sure we have acquaintances, co-workers, etc. but apart from siblings, I can count my true friends on one hand. Sad part is, I think illness probably makes us face that reality sooner than those that are aging normally or able to get out and about to socialize.

[Evolvn916]

Defining Friends?

So true Rdmc!

[lynng1776]

same situation

Tellnhelen: I am also 60 and i was diagnosed in 91, it is nice to talk to someone who has also been dealing with it for awhile.

[football-mom]

Is My a Daughter Getting Tired of Me?
Hi. Yesterday, my daughter became annoyed because I didn't feel like walking around the grocery store with her. I gave her my credit card and the grocery list. I told her I would sit in the car. My legs felt like tires were wrapped around them. This was our 2nd stop of the morning. She commented that I was getting lazy and stormed out of the car.

My children are the loves of my life. I spend more time with my daughter than my son because she VOLUNTEERS to go most places with me.

During the afternoon, she was cooking and commented, "you can help me. You are not sick. I reminded her that I cook, maybe twice per year, for the last several years. Cooking has never (in her lifetime) been my thing. My husband used to cook before he passed away. Now, my daughter enjoys cooking and VOLUNTEERS to cook periodically.

Obviously, I need to talk to her further. Those comments clearly let me know how she feels. And I guess I was surprised and somewhat hurt. She knows me better than anyone on earth.

If I don't talk to her about it I am concerned that animosity will begin to surface between us. I LOVE my daughter too much to allow that to happen. She has always had my back!

I have always been very independent and never wanted to be a burden on anyone (including my children). I don't want her to feel like I am taking advantage of her or blocking her life.

Thank you for listening! Have you experienced anything like this?

How old is your daughter? My oldest (18 almost 19) gives me that kind of nonsense sometimes and I just brush it off as normal teenaged mouthiness and just let it roll off my back, but sometimes I will give him an attitude check.

[tellnhelen]

Hi lynng1776..would love to talk with you. Check my profile for contact info.

[Evolvn916]

How old is your daughter? My oldest (18 almost 19) gives me that kind of nonsense sometimes and I just brush it off as normal teenaged mouthiness and just let it roll off my back, but sometimes I will give him an attitude check.

Football Mom. My daughter is 30 years old. We talked about her comments and my perception. She was hurt that I took her seriously. She apologized and stressed how much she loves me. She mentioned that she always has my back and knows that no one would ever consider me lazy.

I guess I may have been feeling a bit sensitive on that day. All is well now! Thanks for your response.

[kimmcd]

African American women with ms

I am 31yrs old was frist told at the age14 that I might have ms mom never took me back for further testing ms came back full force extremely tired all the time but where I'm from that's considered lazy people don't understand was mad at my mom for a minute had to realize sometimes as parents especially African American we make poor choices it probably wouldn't made a difference

[kimmcd]

African American women with ms

I am 31yrs old was frist told at the age14 that I might have ms mom never took me back for further testing ms came back full force extremely tired all the time but where I'm from that's considered lazy people don't understand was mad at my mom for a minute had to realize sometimes as parents especially African American we make poor choices it probably wouldn't made a difference

[alishape]

I am a 39yo AA woman. I am also a homosexual. I live in Baltimore city. MS is not usually something I associate with my race or sexuality, but there are a couple of situations that I think are unique to me because of them. I am probably wrong about that. I know lots of times people tend to think that something is happening "to them" when it's really kind of universal.

Right now I am on disability. So I am not working. I never wanted to be a person who sat around waiting for a check every month. I saw so much of that growing up in Baltimore. Also, my decision making skills are out the window along with fine motor skills, you know depending on the day. I can't do all the little fixer upper jobs around the house I once could. I used to do the majority of the driving in my household, but now my wife has to drive me around. It feels pretty sucky most of the time. I have had to revise my definition of what it means to be a strong black woman.

[KatieAgain]

I have had to revise my definition of what it means to be a strong black woman.

I had to retire when I was 46. Taking care of myself and MS issues is harder than any single job I ever had.

Anyone dealing with MS is Strong. You are still Strong.

[Evolvn916]

Quote:
Originally Posted by alishape
I have had to revise my definition of what it means to be a strong black woman.

I was also that independent and strong black woman. Superwoman in every sense of the word. I look back in amazement. That is probably how each of you feel. I now realize that I was not invincible. Like you, MS forced me to step back or sit my butt down and really think about this. I knew that I wasn't going to give up and self-pity was not an option.

Everybody has something. We happen to have MS. My first step was to accept it! Ok. I have MS and I am still living. So, now I have to adjust my lifestyle. That is sometimes a challenge because of the unexpected daily changes. But, I can adjust for the big constant...Fatigue. Some days I can barely move...key word..,barely! I use the energy that I can muster up to do the things that make ME feel a little better. For me...that is saying my prayers, taking a shower, doing my hair, make-up and getting dressed. It may take awhile but it helps lift my morale and tends to give me a little more energy. Now, I say, "There's that strong black woman again. Ok. Let's get going." It is mind over matter and it works for me (most of the time).

I am accustomed to defying all kinds of odds. That includes childhood, school, workplace, marriage, family, etc. MS is just another challenge. Understand the rules and play the game. I/we made things happen and would often look back and wonder how I made it happen again and again.

I am grateful for every moment. I may not be able to do all of the things that I have enjoyed in the past. But, honestly, I really don't need to do all of the things I have done in the past. But, it's a new chapter in my life. I will do what I really enjoy at a slower pace and discover other things that I can enjoy or excel in. I will not stop smiling and living as long as I am living! When the going gets tough I pray for strength and peace. Hey, think about it. We are STILL strong women....strong black women. That has not changed!