Family vacations

[lstrl]

So my family tends to take a lot of vacations during the summer months and they always ask me to come along. The problem is, every vacation they go on involves going to theme parks, which means walking around all day in the heat. That's not an option for me.

Last year they went to Florida for a week (that was multiple theme parks) and my mom even said I should go just to get away from home for a bit. I refused. I'm not going all that way just to sit in a house all day while they all go out and have fun. I can do that at home. My brother mentioned that I could rent a wheelchair, but that's certainly not happening. No offense to the people in wheelchairs, but I refuse to use one when I can still walk. Honestly, the biggest problem for me is that people would see me and think that I'm just being lazy. I realize it doesn't matter when I'll never see them again, but that really bothers me.

My family has already made one trip to six flags over Memorial day, and next week they're leaving again for a few days. Meanwhile, I'm stuck here taking care of their dogs. Every time they ask me if I'm going, I tell them I can't because my body won't let me walk that far. I've even tried suggesting that some of us go elsewhere while the others go to theme parks (which we've done before in my pre-MS days and had fun), but that didn't go anywhere.

It makes me feel like a total outcast when they always do these things that they know I can't do. I try to hint around at it when I explain to them there's no way I can handle whatever they're doing, but it goes nowhere. They already think I'm just being lazy and dramatic about things at home, so it would do me no good to come out and tell them everything about the plans they always make that would be impossible to include me. Even though they see how bad I can get (we've gone on walks at the park that almost always ended with me getting picked up before the end because I couldn't make it, which caused me to quit going because I hated it), nobody ever stops to think that I can't do the things they always do, even when I point it out all the time, but then I'm just being dramatic. After all, they seem to think that my life is just so easy (sadly, I'm not even making that up).

[HobbitHead]

Going to a theme park sounds like hell to me. Between the kids, heat, and obnoxious people I would rather stay home!

What about any friends that you could go on vacation with? Maybe a more adult, enjoyable vacation? Or day trips?

[Jules A]

What would you like to do on a vacation?

MS or not going to an amusement park doesn’t sound all that great to me as an adult either however there is no way I’d miss the chance to sleep in a nice hotel on fresh clean sheets in a bed that I didn’t have to make! Sleep in, order room service and watch HG TV….sounds wonderful to me.

Relaxing around the hotel would suit me just fine while the others had their fun at the amusement park and you could get always together for a great dinner and conversation when they return. Rather than expecting them to alter their plans to fit in with your limitations maybe think of things you would enjoy doing in whatever town they invite you to and try joining them next time?

[4boysmom]

I'd suggest that you come up with the vacation plans, doing something you can do. It is difficult for others to know our capabilities.

My husband loves to golf, and I used to enjoy golfing with him a few times a year on trips. Well, I can't golf much anymore, but I still go with him on trips. I am usually good for about 5 holes, but he has to tee up my ball on the first hit of each. We figured out that I drive much better when I haven't been bending over trying to put that dang ball on the tee .

I quit when I get tired, and just ride in the cart. We've "wasted" lots of money at expensive courses for me to just ride around in the cart, not playing. But it makes my husband happy, and it gets me out of the house for awhile.

The next trip we go on, we might not golf, but ride an ATV instead. That is a bit easier on my MS body.

I've learned that it is okay to look like a dork out walking with my co-workers (use hiking sticks to go around a track ), and they often laugh when planning for the day they can meet me at the back door with my "Jazzy scooter" to get up and down the halls.

I guess doing the best with what you have and having a good attitude solves a lot of the heartache of this horrible disease. I think I'd take sitting in the shade of a theme park eating ice cream, or renting a wheelchair and getting my family at the front of the lines, to staying home and watching the dogs. I can be frustrated with my limitations when I'm home trying to put on my shoes.

[lstrl]

Going to an amusement park really isn't my thing, but one time when my brother wanted to go, we dropped him off and then my mom and I went to an outlet mall nearby. It was a really fun day. I was trying to talk her into doing that again for the Memorial Day trip, but that didn't exactly work out. I once stayed in a really fancy hotel near that outlet mall that had the most beautiful atrium I've ever seen. If the plan was to stay at a really neat place like that, I'd be all over going because I could just sit and stare at the scenery all day.

I don't really know what I'd like to do besides visit an area where I could see a beautiful beach, but it does bother me that the vacation plans always include going to these outrageously expensive theme parks where you're walking around in the heat all day. I did like that kind of stuff before MS, but now I wouldn't stand a chance. I'm also afraid that if I ended up going, I'd get stuck babysitting while the others wanted to do some things without the kids. At least if I'm the only one staying home, that can't happen.

I have gotten to take a couple trips in the past year to go see my best friend in the town I grew up in and I really enjoyed it (didn't want to come back home), but that's not really an option for me to go by myself with my vision issues. I wouldn't feel comfortable driving such a long way by myself and I don't have the money to buy a plane ticket either.

Honestly, I think my biggest problem is that, no matter how much time passes, I just can't accept the changes I'm going through due to MS. My body continues to rebel against itself, making things even harder on me. Meanwhile, the rest of my family is continuing to live their lives just like they always have. I can't do that and never will be able to. If anything changes, it's only going to get worse. It'll never get better, and that's really hard to accept.

[onlyairfare]

I'm with Jules A - a vacation at a nice hotel, order room service (you don't even have to bother going out to a restaurant, cuz they bring the food right to your room!), relax on the balcony or patio, read a good book, watch your favorite TV shows. All sounds good to me.

Perhaps your best friend from out of town would come visit you, saving you the drive, and then you could stay at a nice local hotel?

As for "Disney" when we have gone to DisneyWorld in the past, we stayed at one of the hotels on the monorail. You can then go to the park for a brief period and easily return to the hotel when you've had enough. Works well for younger kids who still need their naps too. IIRC, the Polynesian Hotel even has a beach!

Also, cruises work wonderfully in the "something for everyone" category. You have a wide range of activities (or no activity, just relax) available and there are special programs for children on most cruise lines. Maybe you could do some research on the possibilities, and then bring up the subject before the others come up with inappropriate ideas.

It sounds like you family members might benefit from some information about MS. Usually your local MS society has brochures to help family and friends understand the disease. But each of us has to figure out how we will cope with our MS - maybe a counselor could help you? A support group?

[Tomjadg]

Just say no.

I'm not going to theme parks any longer, nor am I going to baby sit your kids while you go off for fun.
Get a kennel for your dogs too.
Do what YOU feel is best for you, but there is no reason to limit their fun.

Go to a nice beach and stay in a nice hotel...with or without family.

[Tawanda]

Another vote for Jules A.'s post!

If I could hang in the nice hotel while my husband dragged our kid around in the heat and took her on rides (that as an adult, make me puke, MS or not), I would consider that a victory! As a matter of fact, 2 years ago, my husband took DD snow tubing out of state. I hung back in the hotel room. Nobody guilted me about it, either! We all had a great time.

[Mamabug]

What Jules and Tawanda say.

Or, get a W/C. I've done that on outings that require more walking than I'm able to do, and have decided to enjoy the "luxury" of being wheeled around, rather than worrying that people think I'm being lazy.

Or, try, again, to talk one or two family members into an alternate outing, rather than the theme park.

Or, stay at home. And, ask family members to get someone else to care for their pets, because you are going to "vacation" at home, while they do the theme park thing.

Or, ... Fill in the blank.

There is no one right answer. Choose what's right for you!

~ Faith