Overwhelmed

[iamziggy]

I was diagnosed 10 years ago with MS, but have had it for 30 years. Pretty sure I am in secondary progressive at this stage. No longer can walk and lots of other problems. My husband has just been diagnosed with Alzheimers. I am so overwhelmed. I have to take care of everything and I have had such fatigue and cog fog. I wish someone could step in and take care of both of us, but we don't have kids and my family is busy taking care of their own problems. We don't have enough money to hire people. I am a Christian and have been praying, but sometimes it just feels like to much. Thanks for letting me vent.

[poppydarling]

Oh I'm sorry -- our dx to progression stories are similar, as are the holes in the finances and our support network I'm single and my family lives 500 miles away (and would be mostly spectacularly unhelpful, anyway).

Have you ever tried the United Way 211 help line? You can plug in your ZIP to see if it operates in your area at http://www.211.org/

They work with hundreds of local social services, organizations and non-profits in your area to get you the help you need--you tell them what categories (home healthcare, groceries and utility bills, medical advocate, counseling, etc.) and they put you in touch. All of the help is free.

Don't give up: it can take a few calls to get to the right people but I ultimately received a total home makeover that turned my house into an accessible space from volunteers with Rebuilding America. I found them through a service like 211. I didn't pay a penny and I'm grateful to them every day.

Do you know your neighbors? One neighbor started a Facebook page for our area, and another neighbor hosts cookouts, and I've met so many neighbors that are so kind. They volunteer to cut my lawn, shop for me, even walk my dog! It's hard to reach out and be vulnerable and say you need help, but isolation is worse for your health in all ways.

This may sound odd but try to tell everyone you know that you're broke! On a fixed income! Struggling! I know this sounds bizarre, but the quicker I lost my shame over what I was going through, and shared my challenges, the faster people offered to help me.

Now I force myself to say: Hey, next time you take a walk, could I come on my scooter? I need fresh air but I'm too weak to go myself. Or: next time you're at the store, can you pick up my prescriptions and a few groceries? People want specific things to do, and they're often happy to do them, or help you find others who can help.

I realize these things take energy and time, which you probably don't have a lot of, but I get there making one or two phone calls a day sometimes -- just one big task, then I'm done until the next day. Little by little, things change and improve. Hang in there, and know that we all understand.

[DebbieB]

Ziggy, I am so sorry you are feeling overwhelmed. I cannot even imagine having to care for a husband with Alzheimer's while trying to take care of myself. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I would strongly recommend that you contact your local MS Chapter to see if there's any financial assistance for in-home care for you. Likewise, contact your local Alzheimer's association for help with in-home care for your husband.

Do you attend a church? Any possible assistance there?

I, too, am a Christian, and will keep you in my prayers.

Keep the faith.

Debbie

[swpanther1]

iamziggy, I am so sorry--and sorry I don't have any advice....but just wanted to tell you that you and your husband will be in my prayers and am sending you a hug.

[pennstater]

I am so sorry to hear of your husband's diagnosis. My father was recently as well and I know how it is for my mom, even with our help and support.

I don't have any suggestions that have not already been provided, but wanted to let you know that thoughts and prayers are with you.

[marti]

I understand and sympathize with your situation. I am both patient and caregiver. My husband has Diabetes, Cirrhosis, heart problems etc. While he doesn't seem to be in the pain that I am, he is deteriorating mentally and I have to do a lot for him. It adds to my anxiety level and I am losing patience. It's really hard to watch your mate of 42 years go downhill and know there is nothing you can do for them.

Wishing you better days.

[Thinkimjob]

Get help. It doesn't matter where it comes from. We.'re all too proud to beg, but ask and you'll probably be amazed by how many people would like to help.pp
Ask for specific simple things, and most people are only too happy to help you out.
For instance, buying a carton of beer this afternoon. I can't carry it, says I. The fellow in front of me in the queue carried it into my car. I was very grateful, he felt good that he could help.
Never underestimate the kindness of strangers.