So Very Scared

[jjeich]

On the one hand, I am relieved I have a dx after so many years of seemingly random symptoms that came and went and came again. Now it all makes sense in hindsight.

On the other hand, I am so scared about the future, I can hardly breathe. While I am married and my spouse has been great, I am the sole breadwinner and have a lot of work responsibility. He basically tends to my needs so that I can get through the day.

My cognitive issues have gotten so bad, I feel like I may lose my job, and if that happens, there goes my house, security of a good job, medical benes, the whole 9 yards.

So I try to be strong for him (since I always have been) and worry about what tomorrow will bring, all the while having no clue whatsoever.

How does everyone cope with the unknown of it all?

[Seasha]

Hi jjeich and welcome~ I am so sorry that you are having difficulties, but I want you to know that most of us have been in your shoes when it comes to fearing about your future. Especially with MS and the unpredictable nature of it.

For me, after the initial shock of the dx wore off, I started going to a psychotherapist to help me. She not only prescribed an anti-anxiety med for me (which I later stopped taking as the need was not as great anymore), but also helped me through talk therapy. I went to her for a couple years in fact. She helped me to learn and recognize some coping skills for dealing with the whole mess of things. She helped me set up plans to make positive changes in my life, even tho at the time, nothing seemed positive! Sometimes, it was enough that someone was there to listen to me without judgement.

This is just my way that I dealt with getting a dx and learning how to replace my fears with something tangible to work with. I was fortunate enough to find someone who "clicked" with me. Sometimes you need to shop around.

I hope you can get other suggestions here to help you. Just know that you are not alone and we are here to help support you!

Take care now

[KateA2]

I can sympathize with you for sure (and the dread of the unknown). However, there is no time like the present to prepare for possible issues in the future. You could search for a job with lower stress level, downsize living arrangements or consolidate financial stuff/get ducks in a row "just in case"...also, it can give a sense of real self-efficacy and a bit of control while in the throws of this crappy, mostly uncontrollable disease

[jjeich]

Thank you!

It really helps to have people who have been through it all give advice. I am trying to figure out who to go to (Financial advisor or bankruptcy attorney??) for when it gets really bad.

I will keep digging around in here to learn what others in similar situations have done. It has helped me greatly just reading the MS symptom threads to know I am not the only one with the "weird" symptoms that seem to fall off the main list.

Everyone on here has been so awesome and open.

[Cindybridgeman]

Take care of yourself, but also don't underestimate your ability to overcome. I am an executive at my company and have found ways to overcome; however, do keep in mind that everyone's MS is different.

My suggestion to you is that don't change anything in your professional life right away as a result of the dx. Think through what is best for you and forget what might be best for the firm/company/job. Only you can manage your dx and you can do it!

Good luck and best wishes!

[DianeD]

A little confused

I sympathize with how you feel, though I got my dx immediately and it has taken yrs to realize the possibilities. I can't say I was scared when I heard my dx, but I was pretty confused. I had initial symptoms of vision problems (double vision), but that cleared up on it's own. I was 50 yrs old (will turn 70 this yr) and actually felt okay even though I had the usual menopause stuff going on. My 1st visit to a neuro was not scary and he more or less dismissed my MRI result as mild. Now that was a while ago and ideas about MS have changed. Right now I am not doing very well and even though I've been on Copaxone for 4 yrs. I think that the drug hasn't kept things at bay or actually been all that promising. However, you will find many different opinions on that.

As to your situation. I guess my initial though is that since you have MS and your husband doesn't, it might be time for him to go to work and you take a break. You might not be able to continue, so why not make plans instead of surrendering to your worst fears. The logical thing would be to take charge now rather than wait till things get to the extreme.

I wish you the best.

Diane

[Mable]

Psychologically, one of the best things I did was network to meet other MSers. The people you meet on this board are not who you're going to meet by asking around.

Whenever I told someone I had MS, I would ask if they knew anybody else with the disease. That led me to half a dozen women, in their 50s to 70s, who are living with MS and getting along just fine. They work. They take care of their families. Etc.

I know MSers who aren't so lucky, too. But all of them got the disease long before DMTs. You might be okay, Diane.

[CMRN]

I was diagnosed 7 yrs ago. There is definitely a mourning process as you let go of your perceived sense of control. I say perceived because no one knows what their future holds. You have just met your opponent, most people don't have that. Allow yourself to mourn, then brush yourself off and regroup! Don't try to solve all your problems at once. One day at a time. Breathe! Xo

[AriD]

I understand the fear you have for you and your family's future. I too am the sole breadwinner for my family. As an RN I have to be able to walk without aides to keep my job. That has been hard at times and with my legs getting weaker I'm not sure how long I'll be able to work at my current job. I've been feeling overwhelmed lately but appreciate CMRN s message. You are right. Life could have brought me other unexpected problems. In fact it has and I have overcome them. I need to do everything possible to keep working and moving. That has always been my mantra. Keep moving! Try to optimize my chances. If that doesn't work then I'll need to refigure my options for work and family. The whole idea terrifies me. I never want to burden my children in any way