A face in the crowd

[lencats]

I've had MS for almost fifteen years. I now use a walker when I am out and about. For grocery shopping, I still use a regular shopping cart and walk with that. It's slow going for me these days, and people often ask if I need help. I've even had a couple of people come and just start helping me put my groceries into the trunk of my car. That was okay.

When I go to the bank or post office, people hold doors open for me. It's nice. I really am grateful for the help I am offered these days.

As much as I appreciate all of this help and kindness from strangers, there are times when I don't want to be noticed, and I get upset that I don't move like everyone else, and that people are noticing.

I miss being able to walk at a brisk pace. Sometimes I find myself watching others walking normally, and I feel jealous. The only time I feel like I don't have MS is when I am driving. I still drive like I used to, before MS. And I can blend in when I am in the car. The other drivers on the road don't notice me.

But when I am in a store, or wherever with my walker, or cart, walking the way I do, I feel like all eyes are on me.

Sometimes I really miss being just a face in the crowd.

[Zuzus11z]

hi lencats -

sorry you feel that the world at large is defining you based solely upon the visual representation of you being 'less' than normal. unfortunately it's what people do when they see something they do not understand or cannot wrap their head around. and you have no control over this either...and never will.

but isn't that why places like MS World exist...along with all of the other social sites. things are changing...slowly...with how the world at large perceives and interacts with those of us deemed 'different'. probably not soon enough for either of us...

i wish you well going forward with your best foot.

[MSbrother]

I know what you mean about the driving.

[lencats]

Oh, no that's not what I meant at all. Wow, I was really not trying to sound negative. I don't feel that people are perceiving me as less than normal. People are very nice and helpful to me, as I said. I see it as a positive thing.

I have had MS for a long time, so I know the drill. I just have those days where I don't like sticking out like a sore thumb because of the way I move, that's all. Thanks for your encouragement.

[KeepsMYELIN]

You sound so honest and brave. Thank you! You stay positive!

[txlaura]

not quite driving like I used...

I walk much slower and sometimes drag my feet, especially my right foot, sometimes my own family leaves me behind. But then I am glad to still be walking.

I used to stand out in the crowd with my orange 350Z but when I couldn't get out of it anymore (especially with dignity) I had to trade it in for something less noticeable (and boring) and more user/MS friendly.

Wish we all could stand out for fun reasons!

[PositiveMS]

[QUOTE=lencats;1445338]
As much as I appreciate all of this help and kindness from strangers, there are times when I don't want to be noticed, and I get upset that I don't move like everyone else, and that people are noticing.

The QUOTE]

I know what you mean. When I do have walking issues, I like to pretend other people don't notice. And to be honest, when I am around friends, family, and my colleagues, people actually no longer notice your walking. They just see you as a person. In public though, people do notice.

The other morning I walked very far, and on my way home my walking was not great, and a lady came out of her house and said, "Excuse me, what happened to you?" I told her it was a sports injury. It's often easier than saying MS.

I like to use my cane when out in a public place. It takes the pressure off. I feel it's my way of saying, "Yes, I am aware I do not walk perfectly, but it is under control. I can handle anything." It allows me to not waste energy trying to hide walking imperfections.