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Here for My Dad

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    Here for My Dad

    Last Sunday my Dad went to bed with a headache and when he woke up the next morning he had weakness in his left side and slurred speech. He went to the ER thinking he had a stroke. He was there all day and after the CT they said they didn't think it was a stroke. He was transferred to another hospital with a better neurology unit. We met with the doctor pretty quickly. She said he had five dark spots on his brain that she thought was cancer that had spread from somewhere in his body. We were all pretty devastated. I'd never seen my dad cry before.

    The next day, after an MRI, they said his body was clear from the neck down so if it was cancer it at least hadn't spread from anywhere. They thought it was cancer or MS. They obviously didn't want to resort to a biopsy so soon so he had a spinal, another MRI and an angeogram (I think). It think it was after the angeogram that they found a malformation on his brain stem that had most likely been there from birth and might not have given him trouble ever, except the week before he fell off the ladder. The malformation is what caused the stroke-like symptoms. They still needed to figure out what the dark spots were.

    Through the week they ran all sorts of tests, I lost track of everything. Friday, the doctor said my dad could go home since the stroke-like symptoms had resolved and they'd run all the tests they could at that hospital.

    They scheduled a high def MRI for first thing Monday at the med school. It's at that appointment they told the test results from earlier indicated Marsburg variant MS or ADEM. BUT my dad never had a fever, and at the hospital they said there was no swelling in his brain. So I'm afraid it's going to be MS. They didn't wind up doing the MRI that day for whatever reason. I don't know if we find out after that gets done or what.

    I apologize if that's confusing. I'm not certain about timing or exact tests. Also, the brain stem theory, not sure where, how or if that fits in with the MS.

    I'm just so worried about helping my dad and stepmom through this while also being a good mother to my son, who has autism and is nonverbal, which makes things a bit more challenging.
    I just realized I misspelled my user name!

    #2
    Sounds like you´re already doing the right thing- being present, visiting, going to appts., and seeking more information. Even with the crappiest dx, a month onward, you will have a treatment plan and that sense of control, no matter how tenuous, does seem to calm the anxiety to a great degree.

    Once you have a dx to work from, you can help yourself by becoming more knowledgable and thus keep your dad and step-mom informed as well. If it is MS, the Australian MS society has a great brochure explaining the basics of MS. The UK website has a great link that explains all of the med choices in a user friendly way. The US MS society lets you email them with questions and they answer in short order. The US site has lots of information regarding employment and benefits for MSers. George Jelinek´s site is inspiring with its mind/body focus.

    You will read some scary info. and it may rock you to the core, but the outlook for every person is different and your dad is not just a statistic. Check out Dr. Terry Whals´site and TEDtalk for the MS/diet connection.

    Remember, just being there for a hand holding or hug is helpful.

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      #3
      Originally posted by ms_daugher View Post
      I'm just so worried about helping my dad and stepmom through this while also being a good mother to my son, who has autism and is nonverbal, which makes things a bit more challenging.
      Wow! Don't forget to take care of yourself!!!
      I am not just saying that. Please Please Please take the time to care for yourself.
      (that means eat right and take mental breaks or exercise...whatever?)
      It sounds like you have a lot to carry?
      Your father will be ok one way or the other your child will be a lifelong deal. You will need to stay healthy.

      Bless You.

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        #4
        Wow, you sound like a wonderful person. Your Dad and step mom are very lucky to have you in there lives.

        I don't think there is anything anybody as far as friends and family can do for me but be there to support me and listen to me when I need advice or support with my ms.

        The best thing I think that anybody has done for me is to do there own research about ms and relay to me what they have learned. I have studied it myself but to have somebody else taking the effort and time to look in to it makes me feel important to them. For me this has been huge and it sounds like your already on it so kudos to you.

        Best of luck to you and your family I know it can be trying and hard for everybody but what I always tell people is I am dx with ms not a life threatening disease that is going to take my life from me. I have life and I am breathing and have no fear of it ending from a illness and for this I am fortunate to be dx with ms.
        Tira

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          #5
          Kudos

          Thank you for being there for your dad and step mom.

          This is one of the best things that you can do. Becoming informed. Keep it up. Make sure that what you are reading is reliable resources.

          Teach your dad, step-mom, and yourself to be advocates for yourselves and for your dad. You probably have already learned this with your son.

          Don't be afraid to ask questions about reasonings for tests or medications. It is their job to educate.

          There is a couple of resources that you can tap.

          The first is this website. It is full of a multitude of people who understand and love to share their knowledge.

          There is a wonderful book called MS for dummies. You can get it at most libraries. I would get it from a library, until, your dad gets an official diagnosis. If it is MS, then you can obtain it by buying or msactivesource may still be giving them out for free.

          www.nmss.org is a wonderful resource. If there is a MS diagnosis, they have a knowledge is power series. That is on line or they will send you printed material. Both can be done at your own pace.

          Keep us posted. Let us know what we can do to help.
          God Bless and have a good day, Mary

          Comment


            #6
            All I have to say is you are amazing. My mom has had ms since I was 1 I am now 26. Sometimes remember to take there anger and words with a grain of salt. I try to remind my self that I am lucky to have a parent that loves me and that the whole situation is building me to be a stronger person.

            When things get really frustrating just step away take a deep breath and go back in. Maybe you guys can make a chart and switch turns of whose turn it is to take care of him. It has helped us with my mom. The more people that can join the better it will be so that no one gets burnt out.

            I give you props because I am not sure how I am going to manage it once I have kids of my own. Ms is scary but helping and finding people to relate to has helped me the most. Good luck and stay strong!

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