Dating and relationships with ms in New England

[Davenh]

Ok, lets have all your thoughts on this !!

I am a 41 year old single guy with ms. I've tried the dating sites with no luck.

My ms is not bad, most wouldn't know I have it. But we all have issues with it. It effects everyone different.

My question is, I am in New Hampshire, and I have had a few people say that I should date a girl with ms, as they would understand it and we could support each other with it because we both understand the disease.

Does this sound stupid. Have any others thought of this at all.

In my head it sounds perfect.

What's everyone's thoughts on the subject.

[Katje]

If it were me, i wouldn't look for someone with MS. You might be surprised to find there are many wonderful girls out there who are understanding.

[mjan]

First of all, I can appreciate what you are going through.
My question to you is do you tell prospective dates that you have MS right away? I would wait. Unless you have special needs that they would need to know, why tell them right away?

I now walk with a cane. Again, I am very independent, live alone and do not have obvious signs of MS.
What this does is limit me from being very "active" for some activities.

What do you tell them Dave, and when?

Good luck in what you are hoping for!

Warmly, Jan

[Davenh]

Right away

I am very honest. I am right up front and tell them right away. I feel if I am going to date someone they should know the truth right away.

Don't think I could do it any other way. I'm to honest. And I don't walk with a cane yet. Getting around ok so far. The more I walk the better I do. I do get unbalanced sometimes. But that's about it.

[mjan]

So, David, are you on a dating site?

I don't mean not to be upfront, but rather to know when to share this news. I do think it scares off most. Let them get to know you as an individual first. Then you educate them after you get to know them first.

Its a timing thing in my view. Until you are at that stage when you want to meet and already know each other first (online talks, phone calls) I don't mention it.

Good luck, Dave, in finding that special one who will want to know you, and will accept you with MS.

Jan

[Davenh]

I just have always thought that the ms is part of me and that they should know up front.

I wouldn't want to get a few dates in and have to deal with how to have the talk, and yes I just registered on a couple sites.

And when a few people said to me that I should maybe consider dating a girl with ms It sounded like a good idea.

Who knows, just wanted to know if anyone else has thought of it. Or even considered it.

[Katje]

People with MS are tough to be around after awhile and draining. I know my husband would dump me if we didnt have the two little girls. I am not disabled or anything, but lets face it. We have a lot of medical issues and healthy people don't like being around it all the time.

Now he doesnt even pay attention when I dont feel good lol probably for the best. But you really don't get support, however I am sure there are many happily married couples out there where one has MS.

But I would stay single if it were me and not bother looking for anyone.

[Scooter24]

A lot of it is based on each individuals attitude towards their disability, I dated a lady with MS few times but she was doom and gloom all the time, constantly complaining etc, the complete opposite of me, so it was clear it wasn't going to work out.

I am on 2 dating sites, I have in profile that "I have a disability that requires me to use a cane, so long walks on the beach and hiking are a little difficult for me." If and when we actually speak on the phone I tell them I have MS, this way I have the opportunity to explain to them that I am mobile, can take care of myself and the house etc etc and show them that I have a good attitude about it.

Have had only one, that after the phone conversation admitted she didn't want to take it on, her husband had recently died of ALS and I could understand that.

[lindaincolorado]

Hi Dave, I was married for 28 yrs when he ended the marriage 3yrs ago. I was dx in1988, remission for 13 1/2 yrs have walked with a cane and used a scooter for approx 9 yrs. He wanted me back about 3-4 mths ago (good for my ego) I said no as my life is actually better without the person he became about 5 yrs ago.

Almost a year ago I started dating a man who lives in my area, mostly healthy. He saw me.. liked what he saw-he saw ME not the ms. I broke up with him as he didn't fill my needs.

I am on a dating site-this is not easy for me-I am 65. I have ms, I am not defined by it. I get to know a person and they get to know me via messaging, phone. When we decide to meet I tell them I walk with a cane, when we meet I tell them why. I am so much more than ms.

I will date a healthy man or not healthy. I want to get to know the person not pre-judge just as I want them to do the same.

Take care and good luck

[Cat Mom]

I wouldn't but only because the only thing worse than having MS myself, is someone I love having it.

Jen

[KatieAgain]

At 50, I am not looking. It is a choice that I have made and I have has several chances to date since my divorce. My MS does not scare away potential partners.

Yes, I would definitely date another MSer. In fact I would venture to say I would only date another MSer. I have said many times, I walk this path alone, but if I by chance ran into another MSer who I could relate with and have some fun, I would change paths and walk with him.

Dave, I think you are right in disclosing upfront and there is really only one way to find out if dating a gal with MS is right for you. The odds are in your favor!

Best of Luck in your search.

[Davenh]

Mixed feelings.

Some say its ok to date one, some say live alone the rest of my life single. Lol. That seems a bit extreme to me.

In my opinion it seems logical, you know how that person is feeling, that they are dealing with what you are dealing with, that you understand limitations that ms can put on a person, and support each other.

But what do I know. LOL. Just wanted to throw it out there for opinions.