"Would you Rather"?

[golfore]

I don't find it profitable to spend time in hypotheticals. For now, multiple sclerosis (MS) is part of my life, but I do what I can to maintain the highest quality of life possible. Life certainly isn’t easier with MS, but I have found many blessings on this journey. I simply believe that life is more important than me and my own issues. I am not what I once was, I am not what I will be, but today I refuse to let MS or anything else steal my joy. I certainly run out of fingers before running out of blessings and I count them daily. When I start feeling downtrodden about my own situation I know it’s been too long since I have helped someone else in need. You might be surprised that when you help someone else you end up helping yourself in the process.

If you spend a lot of time with morbid thoughts you might consider asking for assistance from your neurologist or regular doctor. Even seeing a grief counselor may be worth it to help you get through the anger and bargaining stages of the grief cycle.

I wish you well ...

Well stated. I agree with what you have said. I don't like cry babies, but try not to judge others.

Thank you for an inspirational lift!!

[Fed Up]

I refuse to think of any other disease's...dealing with the M.S. has been a full-time job.

If I had my preference; I'd rather have no disease, at all!

if I allowed myself to dream of a 'better me;' I would prefer a 'CURE' for M.S. to heal everyone! fed

[sunandmoonschild]

I would rather

I would rather eat an ice cream cone than a bed bug.
I would rather win the lottery than spend the day with Donald Trump.
I would rather pretend I was always this uncoordinated and nobody really notices my little quirks.
I would rather be part of this group than go through MS alone!
I would kind of like to go back to the ice cream cone and take it off this list so I can stop thinking about the ice cream cone.
I would like an ice cream cone.
I would really, really like an ice cream cone.
Seriously... anyone got an ice cream cone???

[charlie2891]

Marco thanks

Marco that was a pleasant reply I have found out If I can make another person feel better even if its just for a little while it means the world to me .You just satisfied my beliefs thank you

[MrsBones]

Does anyone else play this (for whatever reason)?

No. I never have. It's a twisted version of the grass is greener thing. Plus, it somewhat diminishes what others are experiencing with their diseases/disorders to basically say that theirs is somehow "less" than mine, so that it is more desirable to have it rather than what I have.

I've had skin cancer. My ex has a brain tumor. Lost more than a few family members and friends to cancer. One as a direct result of diabetes and another due to complications of it. Also had family and friends who were amputees. I'm pre-diabetic and it gallops through my family tree on both sides. My cousin, who I consider my sister, has bi-polar disorder.

I've seen what they've gone through. I can't say I understand it because I haven't experienced it for myself, no more than they can understand MS. I could never say that what any of them has is better or easier to have than MS.

It's a matter of perspective, anyway. I say all the time that I'd rather stick with MS than get a cold. I am so miserable and cranky with a cold (always have been), more so than I ever was with any of the relapses I've had, even the ones that gifted me with the wheelchair and legal blindness. But that's a minor health issue most people laugh off.

Perspective.

[bobus498]

I'd rather eat a possum than have MS.

Now get that picture out of your mind

[aisunnen]

It's not easy being green

if being green means having MS. Most people (whatever shade of green) have that 2 a.m. visit from the evil spirits when everything in future will be worse, hopeless, lonely, etc. I don't remember thinking "I'd rather…", but it doesn't seem right for me anyway. And it doesn't seem to me very helpful for others, either. I hope that you will have support from friends and family and doctors and that you will discuss this 'rather" syndrome with a professional who can suggest alternative ways to cope.

[just1yogi]

Just a Crap shoot

I am the end result of a genetic crap shoot that has been going on for a thousand years. I had no say when one of my Scottish ancestors came down out of the hills and was seduced by an Irish lass. I did not pick a single strand of the DNA that turned out to be me. I am here entirely because of the choices that other people made. But I am here.

The only thing I have any real control over is the next choice I make. As my MS gets worse I constantly have to remind myself to be happy with what I have and where I am. And to be thankful that my mind is still working well enough to wax philosophical a bit and bore you all with my opinions.

[meb62]

I am the end result of a genetic crap shoot that has been going on for a thousand years. I had no say when one of my Scottish ancestors came down out of the hills and was seduced by an Irish lass. I did not pick a single strand of the DNA that turned out to be me. I am here entirely because of the choices that other people made. But I am here.

The only thing I have any real control over is the next choice I make. As my MS gets worse I constantly have to remind myself to be happy with what I have and where I am. And to be thankful that my mind is still working well enough to wax philosophical a bit and bore you all with my opinions.

You made me laugh with the first two sentences, and then me nod my head in agreement with the next three sentences but it was your last paragraph that made me thankful that I had read your post. It hit home for me as I have been struggling to deal with the physical limitations that this disease had created for me. I shall try to always remember, it could be worse.

[dyin_myelin]

Marco is a very wise man...listen to his advice.

I'm sure that his perspective is valid. . .for him. I don't think we need to make doing this pathological. My neuro says I should be done grieving, other people say take two years to grieve. Well, I will grieve for what I feel is right for me, if that is even what this is.

Ten years ago, I told people there was something wrong. Everyone, from the doctor I was dating to my father to my closest personal friends did the buck up, shut up, smile work harder and volunteer mantra. They were the ones who were mistaken, not me. It's taboo in this country not to be efficient and happy. That's why people feel doubly bad when they apply for SSDI, a system they've often paid into their entire lives, and why they feel they have to "do something" at the first sign of depression. ZMG, DO SOMETHING, run five miles, make baskets for the needy, Brave New World that smile back on your face.

Everyone here pushes embracing a new normal, unless part of that normal is sadness, grief, anger, etc., in a place where you think there would be an acknowledgement of hippocampal shrinkage and DMD effects on mood. I used to run around doing blood drives, Science Festival, etc., then I noticed I was tired a lot so I started donating money out of my business.

Well now, I'm going to just sit here on this sofa because I need to conserve all the energy I can. My students have a right to it because it's a pretty finite commodity these days and that's an unspoken contractual agreement with my employer. I know someone, especially someone who doesn't know what's going on, will think me a lazy slug monster but that's just too bad.

[KatieAgain]

Everyone here pushes embracing a new normal, unless part of that normal is sadness, grief, anger, etc., in a place where you think there would be an acknowledgement of hippocampal shrinkage and DMD effects on mood.

Not everyone embraces a new normal. I don't. I hate MS with every single fiber of my being. Always will.

And there is no time limit on grief. As someone who has been recently diagnosed and is already on Tysabri, I think you are doing pretty good.

And as far as your original post about "Did you Ever?". You better believe I did! Yep! Here in Katieville, USA it is called "bargaining"...and Boy Howdy did I ever bargain when I first got my diagnosis. It is allowed, it is normal.

Your question was a good one. It is unfortunate it took the turn it did.

BTW...I would rather eat a possum than have MS too. I have eaten possum chili...not bad. . I like Armadillo better, but Possum was certainly an edible meal.

[Marco]

What you are doing is not pathological for someone who is grieving and grieving is normal after a MS diagnosis. The diagnosis is overwhelming, bewildering, unfair, confusing, and downright evil and this starts the grieving cycle. We all progress though the stages of grief at different speeds and some never reach the acceptance stage. It’s also quite normal to revisit some of the grieving stages from time-to-time. I have no power to change what happened to me 10 years or even 10 seconds ago. I certainly have no power to change what happened to you. I am sorry you were asking for help and did not receive it. Many people can relate to being called “mental” by doctors only to determine they had MS all along. It’s far too common that people suffer and no one lift’s a hand to help or even has an ear to hear.

I try my best NOT to embrace my new normal, but I also do not ignore reality. The reality is that I am in constant pain and even sleeping makes me tired. Fatigue, weakness, confusion and a whole laundry list of awful things are part of my daily life. I am well-acquainted with a medication to resolve “this” can cause “that” and the remedy for “that” is more “this” and the vicious cycle continues. Right now, I am using a wheelchair to strengthen my arms and a specialized bike to strengthen my legs. My upper and lower halves have to be separated because they were a toll on the opposing end. There is nothing fun, exciting or loving to embrace --- it’s simply my way of fighting back against my body that is fighting me. It’s not easy, but it is what it is.

So while there this is nothing inherently wrong with this exercise, I personally do not find it profitable. I do not deny reality. It’s not about reality, but perspective on life. When I focus on the bad stuff the good stuff becomes harder to see. When I focus on the good stuff the bad stuff is harder to feel. The pain and the sufferings do not go away, but they will also prevent me from seeing my blessings. I find it quite similar to driving a car; if you look left long enough your car will normally start to veer in that direction.

I continue to wish you well ...

[Pkar2]

Tawanda,

Still laughing at your comment:

I'd rather give a murdering death row prisoner M.S. than death.

I think we need to laugh, no matter what

[Special Kay]

I thought the "would you rather" game was where you picked which of two celebrities you'd rather sleep with.

[coral63]

I cannot recall ever playing a game like what you mentioned. It appears to me as maybe a form of denial. What do you think?

For me, the feelings of loss were intense and at times, debilitating, worse than the disease itself. As I continue to take steps to live in acknowledgement of my feelings and acceptance of what is, the struggle lessens and I grow in mind and heart. What was once unbearable has the opportunity to become a gift when I look for, find and embrace the value in it.

I wish you peace and comfort.