Feeling isolated!

[Picture me]

Hi everyone! I'm a stay at home mom with identical twin girls and a 21 year old son in university. One of my best friends since kindergarten drifted away when I couldn't do more active things we used to do anymore. I had another close friend move to Vancouver. No one really to talk to about the important stuff. I find myself avoiding social situations just so I won't have to explain yet another weird ms symptom that crops up. Anyone out there find themselves in a similar situation?

[JerryD]

I hear you, loud and clear. This disease takes all you have, and takes some more. My life is a series of losses and dependence on others. And without those others, I would be 'up the creek'. I pray for you and all MSers. Good luck

[misslux]

I think all of us here know exactly what you are going through.

Are there any local MS support groups that you can attend?

[Cindybridgeman]

Hi, I absolutely can relate, especially since I've only told close family and no friends. I've made the decision since I live in an area where news spreads fast and I don't want my work to find out at this point. So when I need to "talk" I talk to the few that I've told or come here online. Sometimes it does feel very lonely and almost like I'm being deceptive.

However, sometimes it is nice because when I don't feel like talking about it, there is no one bugging me about how I feel or how things are going with my MS

[hunterd]

Hi everyone! I'm a stay at home mom with identical twin girls and a 21 year old son in university. One of my best friends since kindergarten drifted away when I couldn't do more active things we used to do anymore. I had another close friend move to Vancouver. No one really to talk to about the important stuff. I find myself avoiding social situations just so I won't have to explain yet another weird ms symptom that crops up. Anyone out there find themselves in a similar situation?

WELCOME TO MSWorld! We are glad to have you here, but sorry why. I think most of us have people that drifted out of our lives. There is no reason that you need to avoid social situations ( although I think it is very common). It is very difficult having to explain new symptoms if they occur frequently ( in a very tiring to rehash the same thing over and over and over(. I think they're quite a few that have experience this.

[jyoungeli]

Feeling isolated

Sorry you are feeling this way but glad you reached out here. I think we all face this in some way or the other. Try to find a support group when you are ready to go public.

[palmtree]

There is something that doesn't seem right to me. This site was developed to give people with MS a community and support. Yet whenever someone expresses feelings of isolation they are told to, "find a support group".

Why aren't we doing that for each other? "Not in my backyard" seems to be the attitude. I would be willing to offer friendship and support to other MSers but we are told to give out our email at our own risk as though Jack the Ripper were on this site.

[misslux]

For me, in-person support groups are much more effective because it is in real time and you can have a conversation without lags.

[KateA2]

I guess I have different advice for you. Talk about symptoms here, get coping advice, and vent...but look for new, non-MS groups online to spark interests, renew creativity, and reconnect.

Try a new author, genre, or book theme. Join an online book Or reading club. Try pastel or charcoal drawing. Write a short story based on your childhood. If the people in your life suck, find new ones who appreciate who you are now.

[palmtree]

For me, in-person support groups are much more effective because it is in real time and you can have a conversation without lags.

Yes. I agree with you. There are many advantages to in person contact. However, many MSers live in places where that is not possible or they have other health conditions that impede participation.

In my community there is one "support group" but the leader told me they only meet when they can get a speaker so the group won't "just sit around and talk".

[Seasha]

Welcome Picture Me! The feeling of isolation is a common theme for many of us. I felt that way when I had to quit work and then again when my mobility took a dive and the friends I used to do active things with drifted away. I'm sorry that you are having a tough time. One thing you might be interested in is connecting with one or more of our chats here. Follow this link if you are interested http://www.msworld.org/forum/showthread.php?t=125720

Many people join in and have a good time there!

I joined a yoga class, a book group and a MS support group - all of which has helped me get a bit of socialization and make new friends. Maybe you can get interested in a new hobby or find some classes to take? I hope you can find ways to end the isolation. It is not pleasant. Please take care and come back often!

And a word for palmtree (and others)

Why aren't we doing that for each other? "Not in my backyard" seems to be the attitude. I would be willing to offer friendship and support to other MSers but we are told to give out our email at our own risk as though Jack the Ripper were on this site.

We advise people to give out their email addresses at their own risk because it is a fact that there are spammers who lurk here. We try to catch them from the get-go, but sometimes that isn't possible. Surely, there are no Jack the Rippers , but who knows who they are! We state this as your own protection and especially for those who are underage members. Hope this clears it up for you and others. Thanks for bringing this up.

[sunandmoonschild]

Loud and Clear

I understand the feelings of isolation and how hurtful it can be that the more this lovely disease takes control of my body that the less and less I see my friends and even most of my family.

It seems that the more I slow down the faster everyone else goes on without me. I'm sure part of it is my own sensitivity towards my own depressing and, at times, self loathing situation because where I used to go hiking, climbing, take trips to the lake to swim and photograph and paddle of course, now I'm forcing myself to be content to sit back and watch the others go out and do those things. Sometimes they even let me pack their lunches just so I'm still included. (Yes that's a sarcastic joke albeit a bad one.)

But, and thankfully, I've found a new love of still photography where I can still do my photography even if it's not out and about with the others. I am learning to paint and I've even taken a new fancy to box gardening and writing.

And I'm working on my biggest project of all called "Girl World" where every weekend a small group of girls can come over and do projects with me. We've made flower pot fairy gardens, taken flowers to nursing homes and the girls had to learn three interesting facts about an elderly person to share with everyone else. We're learning how to recognize flowers and name them and we're going to break into the world of chemistry soon by making our own soap.

I just want the younger ladies to see that just because I've slowed down doesn't mean I've stopped. It's important that the younger people see that struggle doesn't mean stop. It means continue with caution but always continue. My own daughter is married and in her 20s. My son is nearing 18. They're my support staff and renew my strength in every smile they give me.

Look to your children before looking to others. They are your first point of love and support. The rest of us are here to listen, read, offer whatever advice we can or even learn from something you have to offer. But whatever you do; just remember one thing.

You're never alone in this. Just a computer blip on the screen or a phone call to a friend from a local group or the hug of your children are all reminders that you're never, ever alone.

Stay strong. Struggle if you have to struggle, but don't ever, ever stop.

My thoughts are with you and all.

[Seasha]

sunandmoonschild - lovely, simply lovely Thanks for sharing this! There can always be a ray of hope in our isolated worlds, be it self-induced or not.

[grace4et]

For me, in-person support groups are much more effective because it is in real time and you can have a conversation without lags.

yeah the my in person group helps alot!!! this online community has also provided so much help to me in those times im not at my group or just whenever!!!....but i would tell the person who needs advice that both are wonderful but you cant beat in person!

[janjobedo]

Sunandmoonschild, your words helped me today. Thank you.