how could I have been so reckless?

[dart12]

I was diagnosed with MS one year ago and was on treatment with Copaxone. I had a bad relapse earlier this year and then I had 2 allergic reactions to the medication so my doc advised me to stop taking Copaxone and switch to gilenya.

While awaiting the change of treatment, I went on a night out with some friends. I drank far too much alcohol and ended up having unprotected sex with a guy I met that night. This behaviour is totally out of character for me and I am absolutely distraught. I am awaiting a screen for sti next wk. All I can think of is how I could have acted so foolishly and if I end up HIV positive, I cannot even take gilenya now. In fact, I'm not even sure there are any treatments available for Ms in such a scenario. Can anyone offer advice?

Additionally, stress always brings on a relapse of my MS and now I'm worried that I will have a bad relapse while I'm off medication. I know this is all my own fault but I don't know where else to turn...

[KatieAgain]

Darling, there probably is not a single one of us here that does not have a skeleton or two in their closet.

Don't fear the worst until the test results come back...Hope for the best. Did the guy tell you he was HIV positive?

In the meantime...I would be looking at ways to curb your drinking so it does not happen again.

[Thinkimjob]

Well, now, the odds of you having HIV are minimal.

I'm guessing guilt, more than anything else, is making you feel like this.

Try not to worry. If everyone who had unprotected sex wound up with an STD, an awful lot more people would have one.

As your mother might say, if she knew, "Don't do it again."

[tommylee]

dart12- Relax!!!

You got blasted and had a one night stand.

Although it is not the sort of thing to make a habit of, the majority of people I know have committed the same "sin" at some time in life.

Just don't get blasted in mixed company or in a public place and you will not have to worry about it.

Stop beating yourself up and understand this is all part of the human condition.

I would bet the majority of the people I know have done the same thing at least once in their lives if not many times.

You are not a bad person! (unless you are married, then it is a big problem)

Single, tanked, did someone you normally would not do...Most people have been there done that.
Did anybody ever go to college?

[onlyairfare]

Why not talk with your PCP immediately about preventive treatment against HIV? Or go to the County Health Clinic if you don't have a PCP or don't have insurance coverage, or don't want to use your insurance or real name. If indicated and administered promptly, preventive treatment will significantly reduce the likelihood of you contracting HIV - if you are at any risk anyway.

Ideally, you would like to know if he is HIV+, though that may not be possible if he is not known to you, or not willing to be tested. Still you should consider being tested now to demonstrate you are now HIV negative, and also to get treatment should any other STI's (Sexually Transmitted Infections) be found. Usually, it is recommended that additional HIV tests be performed some months later to be "sure" you are not infected, as sometimes the test takes a while to "turn positive." Even if the individual in question were HIV positive, it is not likely you would be infected from one incident, but rather than worry about the past, take action now to see your own doctor and protect yourself now.

As pointed out above, there were be a lot more sick people if everyone who did one unwise thing got infected.

[DebbieB]

Breathe!

Dart, don't you love this place? The responses are so supportive (as they should be). I don't have any words of wisdom that haven't already eloquently been said...just want to chime in and say a) we've all been there/done that (in some version) before; b) the chances - literally - are extremely slim unless this individual is absolutely HIV+; and c) worry is toxic.

Please try to get a good night's sleep and see a doc asap just for your own piece of mind. [HUGS]

[dart12]

Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart to everyone who replied, DebbieB took the words out of my mouth as regards to the kindness that you have all demonstrated.

I am still having anxiety attacks but trying hard to control my stress levels over this. I do feel really guilty and I'm so angry with myself for being so reckless, I am not usually a risk taker but I seem to have thrown caution to the wind a few times this year. I do not know the HIV status of the guy and we did not keep in contact (I was mortified the following morning and really wanted to forget about that night). If this test comes back negative, I will be the most thankful person in the world. If it comes back positive, I have no idea what my treatment options for ms will be at that point. I have informed my nurse of my stupidity so she can decide whether we need to wait before starting gilenya (if I can even take that now).

Regarding early testing, I have only just become aware that it's recommended. I thought you had to wait until 12 weeks. I have booked a test for next week which is only 9 weeks but I cannot wait any longer. I realise this result will not be definitive at that stage but as outlined it will allow me to be checked for other stis. I am concerned the test will not be positive at this stage even if I'm infected as I have developed some flu signs in the last few days and I understand this can occur with acute HIV infection but the antibodies are not detectable during this time. I guess the flu signs could be associated with another infection but it is bad timing if so...

I am hoping and praying that I will have a lucky escape, it will not stop me being angry and ashamed with myself. I wish I could get rid of the feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach but I will have to wait. Again I cannot thank all of you enough for your words of wisdom and advice. I will keep you posted on the test results.

[.BadWolf.]

As everyone else has already said... most of us have been there! No reason to be so hard on yourself, life is a series of lessons, you can mark this one learned. Also one of my very best friends... well at one point-mainly her whole 20's definitely applied to her ( I love her dearly, i really do... and she'd laugh and whole heartedly agree with that statement! lol ). Honestly, if she walked out of her 20's with zero STD's, the chances of you getting HIV from the one encounter, I am going to go ahead and guess is pretty slim. So take a deep breath and realizing worry is futile, and just wait for the results xoxo

[Cat Mom]

Don't panic yet Dart! My uneducated guess is that there are way more people who don't have HIV than do... I'd be terrified too but try not to panic before you need to. Jeez, I sure hope you had fun at the time! Please keep us posted!
Jen

[onlyairfare]

IIRC from epidemiology class, the risk of contracting HIV from one encounter with an HIV positive individual is something less than 1%. Most of the tests turn positive withing a few weeks (much less than 9 weeks) if they are going to be positive. Most people who have "flu like symptoms" have the flu, not AIDS. The number of HIV tests that are negative at 6 weeks or more, and later turn positive is infinitesimally small.

In the very unlikely event of a positive test, there is excellent treatment available, and starting treatment early (like within weeks or months of getting infected and becoming HIV positive) instead of years later when full-blown AIDS has appeared, is very effective in controlling the disease.

Those are just a few facts to show how low the risk is for you, and how much better the treatment picture is nowadays - even though it is not likely something you will have to worry about!

Look at this thread - we'd have a lot of HIV positive patients speaking up if everyone who had done one foolish thing got HIV!

[.BadWolf.]

As everyone else has already said... most of us have been there! No reason to be so hard on yourself, life is a series of lessons, you can mark this one learned. Also one of my very best friends... well at one point-mainly her whole 20's definitely applied to her ( I love her dearly, i really do... and she'd laugh and whole heartedly agree with that statement! lol ). Honestly, if she walked out of her 20's with zero STD's, the chances of you getting HIV from the one encounter, I am going to go ahead and guess is pretty slim. So take a deep breath and realizing worry is futile, and just wait for the results xoxo

Ok so since my attempt to type a "bad word" without typing it was edited out and my post no longer makes sense, my point was my friend was very promiscuous in her 20's. She's fine, and I am sure you will be too.

[dart12]

Thank you so much to everybody who replied and to onlyairfare, those facts have given me some much needed hope and peace of mind. My test is scheduled for Wed so at least I will have an answer one way or another.

I have also spoken to my ms nurse as I am due to start gilenya next wk and she is going to find out if we need to wait for results before starting the drug.

I have definitely learned my lesson but it has also made me aware of my self-destructive tendencies over the last while. So not only will I NEVER have a one night stand ever again but I also vow to take good care of myself from now on. Time to take control of my life, start enjoying the best years and stop wallowing in self pity.

Again, a massive thanks for all your warmth and support, I really hope that some day I will be able to help somebody else here (rather than just keep taking all the support, although I do admit it has been much needed!)

[dart12]

Just a quick update, my test results came back all clear at 9.5 weeks and are 99% accurate at this stage according to the nurse. I am very glad that everything is clear so far and have started my first dose of gilenya today. Again, many thanks to everyone for your continued amazing support and I wish you all a very happy Christmas :-)

[Cat Mom]

You must be soooooooo relieved! Thanks for the update.

[DebbieB]

Very cool, Dart! Thanks for updating us...what a nice Christmas gift!