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Who here got married AFTER being dxed w/M.S.?

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    #31
    Originally posted by KatieAgain View Post
    I might live in sin, if someone knocked my socks off, but I would not marry again.

    However, if I was in my 20s or 30s...I would have a completely different view and go out and find myself a man. I would want to experience the whole marriage thing.

    I will say, just because someone has MS, it does not make you less attractive to a true soul mate.
    Well written and perfect! Who would have figured I'd meet someone post diagnosis and am actually having to figure this issue out, now. And at my age, older than you KA--60, something to think about.

    Really don't want to complicate my life, though. I don't handle stress so well and that is a big reservation. Any relationship takes energy. If it doesn't take any energy~~I'll re-think that with serious, consideration.

    Looking at life though; I don't think I'd want to marry someone that was unwilling to commit in writing~~
    'Thru sickness and..' some people know at a young age they won't be there for you, if you do get ill.

    And if married, bailing out or being emotionally unavailable to the one you loved while healthy---ehh, just gotta hand it to all the married folks that have been taking care of their mates and giving up their own lives, to do so! Any serious illness effects both people in the marriage.

    None of us want or expect serious illness, but that is what EVERY PERSON regardless of disease, etc. deserves and NOTHING LESS. For me, I've never found that one. Until now and its difficult to make that decision. Even thinking about it, stresses me! fed

    but, it'd be nice to have coffee in the morning with someone that is that caring! fed

    If nothing else, MS has made me more impatient with the small things and more realistic with the life changing things and pragmatic.

    Comment


      #32
      Originally posted by Tawanda View Post
      Do ADLs include sex? I'd pretty much rank that right up with doing the dishes these days! If I was single now, no doubt I would stay that way. If I were younger, maybe I would feel differently. Now I am in "been there, done that" mode.

      That would be funny if it were not so true!

      My wife does not have MS but she probably feels the same as you about sex. (attractive as doing dishes)
      I have come to believe this has a lot to do with many divorces.
      The women don't desire physical interaction. The men take the loss of desire as rejection and cannot process the idea of a sexless life.
      (could be how your business owner friend came to have a mistress?)

      Probably has little to do with MS and more about the human condition?
      I do not mean to be critical of men or women. It seems to be one of the many challenges of getting old.
      Women don't want it, Men can't understand the loss.

      If I had stuck to my original plan of living fast and dying young all this stress could have been avoided...
      Can anybody tell me why I quit liquor and drugs and started to live a healthy lifestyle all those years ago???
      It does not seem to have served me well? (that Nancy Reagan was full of $h1t ! )
      I eat right , exercise, go to bed early...and have had a hang-over for 20 years. (what a rip off!)

      A massive heart attack or a deadly crash sounds easier than getting old.

      The ageing process is difficult for everybody with or without MS.

      If I were single now I also would stay that way. I think it would be easier to face an ugly future alone.
      It is difficult to deal with the feelings of guilt about being ill and feeling like I have failed in life.
      The idea of having nobody depending on me is very attractive.

      Comment


        #33
        Originally posted by tommylee View Post
        If I had stuck to my original plan of living fast and dying young all this stress could have been avoided...
        Can anybody tell me why I quit liquor and drugs and started to live a healthy lifestyle all those years ago???
        It does not seem to have served me well? (that Nancy Reagan was full of $h1t ! )
        I eat right , exercise, go to bed early...and have had a hang-over for 20 years. (what a rip off!)

        A massive heart attack or a deadly crash sounds easier than getting old.

        The ageing process is difficult for everybody with or without MS.
        I agree and have been lamenting the aging process a lot lately with or without MS it sucks.
        He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
        Anonymous

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          #34
          Marry an Mser?

          Originally posted by Fed Up View Post
          I guess the better question is; Would you (a MSer) marry someone with MS?

          fed
          Great question. Why not? I actually would feel very comfortable with another MSer (weird, I know).

          Comment


            #35
            Don't give up on marriage

            I was diagnosed in 2005, met my fiancé in 2011. We became engaged last week. I have SPMS now and he helped me shop for a rollator. Having MS has been a blessing in that it helped me to see what a loving man he is. ❤️ It can bring out the best or worst in a person, or at least it can clarify that picture for you so that you can discern who is right for you and who isn't. 💒
            If marriage is what you want, don't assume you are unworthy just because you have MS. 😊

            Comment


              #36
              Originally posted by tommylee View Post
              That would be funny if it were not so true!


              It does not seem to have served me well? (that Nancy Reagan was full of $h1t ! )
              I eat right , exercise, go to bed early...and have had a hang-over for 20 years. (what a rip off!)

              A massive heart attack or a deadly crash sounds easier than getting old.

              The ageing process is difficult for everybody with or without MS.

              If I were single now I also would stay that way. I think it would be easier to face an ugly future alone.
              It is difficult to deal with the feelings of guilt about being ill and feeling like I have failed in life.
              The idea of having nobody depending on me is very attractive.
              tommylee, very insightful..interesting and thanks for sharing, so true though; ROFL, about the Nancy Reagan comment.
              But the rest, exactly how I've felt and plan. But, sometimes I think maybe I smoke some mmj and dream too much. fed

              Comment


                #37
                Originally posted by tommylee View Post
                The women don't desire physical interaction.
                I must be in the minority because I do. Trouble is, DH thinks I'm going to break if touched, unless that's an excuse! I know I'm not young (48) but the thought of going through life with no physical intimacy is NOT acceptable!
                RRMS 2005, Copaxone since 2007
                "I hope to be the person my dog thinks I am."

                Comment


                  #38
                  Originally posted by tommylee View Post
                  (could be how your business owner friend came to have a mistress?)
                  Living a double life is probably what killed him!

                  As for the rest of your post, I, too, lived fast and furious back in the day. If I could have that much fun, or if it made me forget about MS for awhile, I'd still do it! The partying burnt out on it's own. All of a sudden the motto, "eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we die" wasn't happening. I was still alive and hungover without even being all that merry the night before.

                  If an MSer or anyone else wants to party without hurting anyone else in the process, so be it. Whatever gets you through the night at this point!

                  ...and this getting old crap is compounded by the MS. I hold all the stress about it all in my face and have to put on my happy face as soon as I hear a camera click (if someone catches me by suprise, I am exposed as my old, stressed, MSey self!).

                  Starting to look at the faces in the Y and notice I am one of tne oldest ones ther outside the silver sneaker club. I am more there for vanity than to help my MS and staring to realize when you see a grouo of old ladies, are the thin ones really that much more attractive than tne old ones? Aging is the great equalizer. We can all be prom queens now!
                  Tawanda
                  ___________________________________________
                  Diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 2004; First sign of trouble: 1994

                  Comment


                    #39
                    Originally posted by Lisabelle View Post
                    I was diagnosed in 2005, met my fiancé in 2011. We became engaged last week. I have SPMS now and he helped me shop for a rollator. Having MS has been a blessing in that it helped me to see what a loving man he is. ❤️ It can bring out the best or worst in a person, or at least it can clarify that picture for you so that you can discern who is right for you and who isn't. 💒
                    If marriage is what you want, don't assume you are unworthy just because you have MS. 😊
                    Congradulations! Sounds like you picked a winner!
                    fed

                    Comment


                      #40
                      Originally posted by Tawanda View Post
                      Living a double life is probably what killed him!

                      Probably didn't help?

                      The partying burnt out on it's own. All of a sudden the motto, "eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we die" wasn't happening. I was still alive and hungover without even being all that merry the night before.

                      That's what made me quit. Never had a traumatic experience, life changing moment, lightning bolt... I just lost interest and decided I did not like hang-overs or being out of control.... then ten years later I get this crap that makes me feel out of control and hung-over all the time.
                      (at least I had learned to live and fake it already)



                      ...and this getting old crap is compounded by the MS. I hold all the stress about it all in my face and have to put on my happy face as soon as I hear a camera click (if someone catches me by suprise, I am exposed as my old, stressed, MSey self!).

                      Starting to look at the faces in the Y and notice I am one of tne oldest ones ther outside the silver sneaker club.
                      D
                      I am a card caring member of the Silver Sneakers club and I find that comment offensive!
                      Hey look at that skinny old man killing himself over there!...Oh **** that is a mirror.

                      If I did not find some humor in it all I would die of depression.

                      Comment


                        #41
                        Originally posted by Cat Mom View Post
                        I must be in the minority because I do. Trouble is, DH thinks I'm going to break if touched, unless that's an excuse! I know I'm not young (48) but the thought of going through life with no physical intimacy is NOT acceptable!
                        Perfectly acceptable to me! I think any man with ED is hot as all get out!
                        Katie
                        "Yep, I have MS, and it does have Me!"
                        "My MS is a Journey for One."
                        Dx: 1999 DMDS: Avonex, Copaxone, Rebif, currently on Tysabri

                        Comment


                          #42
                          Originally posted by tommylee View Post
                          I am a card caring member of the Silver Sneakers club and I find that comment offensive!
                          Hey look at that skinny old man killing himself over there!...Oh **** that is a mirror.

                          If I did not find some humor in it all I would die of depression.
                          Oops! Nobody would kick me out of the Silver Sneakers Club, either, safe to say. Are skinny old ladies more attractive than fat old ladies? Personally, I think we're all invisible. When my dad was a 48 year old widower, he got remarried a 24 year old - just helps to reinforce my invisibility theory!
                          Tawanda
                          ___________________________________________
                          Diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 2004; First sign of trouble: 1994

                          Comment


                            #43
                            Originally posted by KatieAgain View Post
                            Perfectly acceptable to me! I think any man with ED is hot as all get out!
                            LOL! Personally I never understood the whole Viagra campaign AT ALL.
                            Tawanda
                            ___________________________________________
                            Diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 2004; First sign of trouble: 1994

                            Comment


                              #44
                              Originally posted by Tawanda View Post
                              Oops! Nobody would kick me out of the Silver Sneakers Club, either, safe to say. Are skinny old ladies more attractive than fat old ladies? Personally, I think we're all invisible. When my dad was a 48 year old widower, he got remarried a 24 year old - just helps to reinforce my invisibility theory!
                              I'm 49 and got the membership thru my medicare replacement HMO.
                              Funny comment about your dad. It seems to me whenever a woman smiles at me or gets chatty at the super market she is always about 20 years younger than me.
                              I think it is because younger women are looking for someone that looks like a good dad.
                              Women my age rarely acknowledge I exist...Perhaps because they are no longer interested?

                              I wonder how marketable a bone kill drug could be?
                              It really could simplify the lives of many middle aged married men.

                              Comment


                                #45
                                Originally posted by tommylee View Post
                                I wonder how marketable a bone kill drug could be?
                                It really could simplify the lives of many middle aged married men
                                They already have one - it's called "saltpeter"!
                                Tawanda
                                ___________________________________________
                                Diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 2004; First sign of trouble: 1994

                                Comment

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