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Who here got married AFTER being dxed w/M.S.?

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    #16
    Originally posted by misslux View Post
    A big fear of mine is being single.
    Would you elaborate? It makes me sad to think someone is afraid to be single unless they require assistance for ADLs I guess.
    He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
    Anonymous

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      #17
      We were married so my poor husband was stuck with me although he hasn't ever made me feel bad about it.

      However who knows what the future will bring because I don't presently have to rely on him for anything. Things may change.
      He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
      Anonymous

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        #18
        Originally posted by Jules A View Post
        Would you elaborate? It makes me sad to think someone is afraid to be single unless they require assistance for ADLs I guess.
        That's what I mean. I have physical disabilities that make a lot of day to day things difficult or impossible.

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          #19
          Originally posted by misslux View Post
          That's what I mean. I have physical disabilities that make a lot of day to day things difficult or impossible.
          I see no point in marriage, unless it is for money! lol
          fed

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            #20
            I can see the point, but mmmm, he's been married twice before, and I have no desire to wear a beige frock.

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              #21
              Originally posted by Fed Up View Post
              I see no point in marriage, unless it is for money! lol
              fed
              Lol!

              Yeah, should my husband decide to get squirrely I don't think I'd be inclined to do it again.

              Truth is I'd really trust the judgement of someone who doesn't understand the gravity of this miserable diagnosis.
              He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
              Anonymous

              Comment


                #22
                Originally posted by Jules A View Post
                We were married so my poor husband was stuck with me although he hasn't ever made me feel bad about it.

                However who knows what the future will bring because I don't presently have to rely on him for anything. Things may change.
                I have hurt my husband financially no matter how you spin it. The biggest thing we have going for us is that I do not need him physically in any way. That would probably send him over the edge. We would both hate it if he was put in this position.

                I just find it incredible that there are spouses and significant others out there entering relationships with MSers. Their eyes are wide-open to what could happen. I know nobody knows what the future holds unless they have a crystal ball, but with an MS diagnosis we do have some advanced knowledge we might wish we didn't. That goes for the healthy partner entering the relationship.

                I am not saying that we are damaged goods, but heck, I wouldn't marry someone with M.S. (if they were diagnosed after the fact, that would be different)! Sorry, that sounds horrible. It is obvious from this thread that not everyone thinks like I do! Thank God!
                Tawanda
                ___________________________________________
                Diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 2004; First sign of trouble: 1994

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                  #23
                  Originally posted by Jules A View Post
                  Would you elaborate? It makes me sad to think someone is afraid to be single unless they require assistance for ADLs I guess.
                  Do ADLs include sex? I'd pretty much rank that right up with doing the dishes these days! If I was single now, no doubt I would stay that way. If I were younger, maybe I would feel differently. Now I am in "been there, done that" mode.
                  Tawanda
                  ___________________________________________
                  Diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 2004; First sign of trouble: 1994

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                    #24
                    Originally posted by Thinkimjob View Post
                    I can see the point, but mmmm, he's been married twice before, and I have no desire to wear a beige frock.
                    Hey...who doesn't have a past??? If you really got married I hope you would wear a sparkling bright white dress (unless you have my skin-tone...I deliberately chose "off white" for my frock out of pure vanity!). I can remember attending "second" weddings as a kid where the bride "wore blue or pink ala Mrs. Brady from the Brady Bunch. Isn't that awful? They might as well put a scarlet A on their dresses while they were at it! Thank God those sexist rules no longer apply!
                    Tawanda
                    ___________________________________________
                    Diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 2004; First sign of trouble: 1994

                    Comment


                      #25
                      Originally posted by Tawanda View Post
                      Do ADLs include sex? I'd pretty much rank that right up with doing the dishes these days! If I was single now, no doubt I would stay that way. If I were younger, maybe I would feel differently. Now I am in "been there, done that" mode.
                      Lol, I bet men think ADLs include sex.

                      I agree and sadly I know I am damaged goods at this point. It is my plan to never have my husband physically care for me. I'm going to hire someone for either of us if/when that time comes.

                      God bless the spouses who are able to do it but for me personally I don't want to be on either end of that business.
                      He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
                      Anonymous

                      Comment


                        #26
                        I guess the better question is; Would you (a MSer) marry someone with MS?

                        Unless one needs the insurance and legal security of a ring, marriage isn't really necessary..in this century. Just binding contracts.

                        Love needs to be looked at like a business, imho! Because ultimately, over years-it may become like a business, to some. Bailing out is not always a good idea.

                        As much as I prefer the single life and don't like hired help coming in much, I may consider having someone live with me, idk, thinking it over though. Next door would be better!

                        fed

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                          #27
                          Originally posted by Fed Up View Post
                          I guess the better question is; Would you (a MSer) marry someone with MS?

                          Unless one needs the insurance and legal security of a ring, marriage isn't really necessary..in this century. Just binding contracts.

                          Love needs to be looked at like a business, imho! Because ultimately, over years-it may become like a business, to some. Bailing out is not always a good idea.

                          As much as I prefer the single life and don't like hired help coming in much, I may consider having someone live with me, idk, thinking it over though. Next door would be better!

                          fed
                          I agree...it is a business. I know a business owner who died suddenly leaving behind a wife and a mistress. Guess who got his assets? I am grateful to have a husband with a good job and good insurance. My DD is certainly better off. We are not the last of the red hot lovers or anything, but at tis point, so what?
                          Tawanda
                          ___________________________________________
                          Diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 2004; First sign of trouble: 1994

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                            #28
                            Originally posted by Fed Up View Post
                            I guess the better question is; Would you (a MSer) marry someone with MS?
                            Not in a million years.

                            If my DH was diagnosed with MS or whatever I wouldn't scrap the marriage because of it but I absolutely would hire help to come in and care for him or find a decent nursing home if in home care wasn't practical. jmo
                            He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
                            Anonymous

                            Comment


                              #29
                              Originally posted by Fed Up View Post
                              I guess the better question is; Would you (a MSer) marry someone with MS?
                              I couldn't at this point simply because I have enough going on.

                              Comment


                                #30
                                For me, marriage was pre-diagnosis. After my first flare...marriage vows were thrown out the window. I won't go into details, but a restraining order got issued. Things like this though are not so uncommon when MS enters an established marriage. It can get really rough.

                                Since then, I have dated a couple guys who had no problems with my MS.

                                But something happened after my divorce...I became very independent...and I liked it...I liked it a lot. So when one of the guys asked me to marry him, I could not do it.

                                However, I am 50, have been married, did the kid thing. I too, have been there...done that. And I have found out my being single is not hindered by my MS. Every once in awhile, home care needs to come knocking...but otherwise, I am fine.

                                I might live in sin, if someone knocked my socks off, but I would not marry again.

                                However, if I was in my 20s or 30s...I would have a completely different view and go out and find myself a man. I would want to experience the whole marriage thing.

                                I will say, just because someone has MS, it does not make you less attractive to a true soul mate.
                                Katie
                                "Yep, I have MS, and it does have Me!"
                                "My MS is a Journey for One."
                                Dx: 1999 DMDS: Avonex, Copaxone, Rebif, currently on Tysabri

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