Are you unsympathic at other peoples minor illness's?

[alishape]

I think I am becomes less and less able to deal with other peoples selfishness. I don't mind so much if others complain about things that I wouldn't complain about. I've always been kind of an odd duck, so I am sure I complain about things that don't bother other people. This will probably sound strange, but I'm from Baltimore city. I live off of a fairly large thoroughfare through the city, but the street has lots of potholes. Also we seem to be the last plowed when it snows, etc. Anyways lately there have been losts of police cars staking the street out, giving out tickets. So I'm thinking, if you forgot this street was here for every other freaking reason then forget it's here for tickets too. I mean shoot, they certainly won't take the money and fix the potholes! I could go on and on...and I usually do!

I guess what I'm trying to say is everybody has a thing. I have always tried to surround myself with those who will listen to my issues as they expect me to listen to theirs. Here lately though, I just don't have the patience for self centered types who will not pull their heads out of their own butts. Sometimes I just want to smack them. I know since my diagnosis I can't take heat and it's totally worse in the summer. When it's hot I feel like my brains are steaming and I do not have time to sit around listening to somebody blathering on about nothing with steaming brains.

[Katje]

To each their own and helping others to understand MS is nice but unfortunately it doesn't work out that way. You won't get sympathy or understanding. You might get pity.

Although people will be friendly to your face, behind your back there are many whispers, one I personally don't want.

I guess many of us want the whole world to embrace us and understand us but that's not the way it works.

If someone at your work or kids school said they have Cancer or any other chronic disease, you would see a difference in reaction and how they treat them. They are the brave hero. poor thing and you.... just have MS.

I seen this happen over and over again. MS Is not a badge of honor. MS is nothing to be ashemed of, but to me MS is like ohh I had the runs this morning. No need to share that with the world. I feel the sameabout MS, no need to share it woth the world. People simply don't care, when they act like they do it's just morbid curiosity wondering how long till you are in the wheelchair.

[Jules A]

I guess what I'm trying to say is everybody has a thing. .

Lol good point!

I try to remember that I don't care to hear about anyone else's ailments, unless I'm getting paid for it, and even then I'd prefer it be something relatively significant, and in return I keep my whining to myself for the most part.

[rdmc]

T
If someone at your work or kids school said they have Cancer or any other chronic disease, you would see a difference in reaction and how they treat them. They are the brave hero. poor thing and you.... just have MS.
.

Interesting observation. My sister has been with me through my MS journey. She's been there for dr. appts., through health crisis with my MS, and we have many of the same friends.

A few years ago she was diagnosed with breast cancer. And the way dr.'s coordinated treatment, and how she was treated by medical personnel brought her to the conclusion that "they sure treat cancer patients a lot nicer than they treat MS patients. Everyone works together and they explain everything to you making you feel secure in your treatment plan." I chuckled, but that would be the same conclusion you came too. She also remarked that for a lot of cancer patients, they do beat the cancer, and are able to go back to their regular lives, but not an MS patient. She wasn't sure why the difference existed...maybe the fact that people think "death" with cancer and not with MS.

As to myself, I'm of the opinion that everybody has something to deal with, and if it's not illness, maybe it's some other issue that I do not have to deal with.

What does gall me is FB posts. Oh my gosh, it's one thing for us to discuss your health or for you to complain about a cold, etc. in person or on the phone, but to put it on FB, it drives me nuts. Recently an acquaintance had a bad case of poison ivy, had the Medrol Dose Pak from the doc, but didn't want to take steroids. So she just complaining about the poison ivy, but wouldn't take the med. I never commented, but it was making me feel like saying "Quit complaining and take the steroid." I do think enough people admonished her that she finally took it. But I've had to back away from FB because that sort of thing just makes me crazy.

[MMMMS]

On people not understanding MS. An aquaintance found out that I have MS, and she was amazed that I was doing so much better than her friend.

She and many others I know think that Jerry Lewis ran a telethon for us.

I think we need to change the name of the disease if we expect to ever get understanding. I think it needs a name that's more descriptive (to the average person). It needs to name the CNS (possibly using brain/spinal cord). And it needs to not sound so much like muscular dystrophy. MS and MD are the same thing to most people. You say MS and they think muscular dystrophy, probably thinking that they remembered MS as MD in error.

[aitch10]

I have a friend who used to spend each and every phone call complaining about her various minor ailments.
Sore throats, headaches, her sore back, her cold, her cough, her whatever was going round this week.

She would ask, "how are you going?", I'd say, "not too bad", and that was the extent of her sympathy and interest before she got started on the next chapter in the saga of how terribly sick she was.

It stopped after she came to visit. She'd not seen me in the flesh for quite a while, and I think she realised I was the winner, hands-down, in the 'who's the sickest contest'.

I know, right? I think that's why nobody complains to me.

And what a crappy contest to win. I wanna win the lottery!

[aitch10]

Katje, I am public with my MS. Because I know too many people living and working with MS "in the closet" because they are too afraid of the consequences if they share their diagnosis. I believe that the more people understand, the better it can be for people living with MS, especially those that at a time in their life when they need help from friends, family and co-workers.

For me, I had MS for many years undiagnosed and not only did my doctors think i was crazy, i think some friends and business colleagues thought so too. (Heck, I thought I was crazy!). When I got dxd, the comment from friends was..."wow, all that stuff for years makes sense now!" I probably had MS for 10-15 years prior to dx with a couple of decent exacerbations. One exacerbation was quite difficult when my daughters were three and under and i had no clue i had MS...my doctors totally missed it! If I can help bring understanding to others about the disease, then that is worth it to me! Plus, it is a lot of energy on a tough day to act if everything is ok.

That's different than being all 'woe is me...' We can be out and, er, proud about having MS without having it define us.

[Katje]

I see so many newly dx people with MS and I noticed the first thing they do is tell everyone. That is their right, however I often wonder if later they regret it? The first thing I usually tell newly dx is to keep it quiet and their reaction to me is usually the same. Confused and offended that I would say such a thing because their friends, family, coworkers, neighbors and the grocery store clerks are all supportive!

[MyGirlsMom]

In the end, each person has to make the decision on their own whether to disclose or share about their MS dx. I agree that once diagnosed, it is good to sit a bit with it on your own or with people close to you until you really grasp what your dealing with.

However, I do think that many people want to help and depending on the exacerbation, sometimes you just need help! Whether you like it or not! In my opinion, most true friends and family want to help, just like I would want to help them if they were going through a tough time, no matter the situation.

I believe you build community with others through sharing experiences and helping one another, no matter what tough situation is occurring. IMHO, God put us together on this earth in community, not to be isolated from each other and in my view, that includes sharing and supporting others through all of life's challenges...be it MS or something else!

[Jules A]

I see so many newly dx people with MS and I noticed the first thing they do is tell everyone. That is their right, however I often wonder if later they regret it? The first thing I usually tell newly dx is to keep it quiet and their reaction to me is usually the same. Confused and offended that I would say such a thing because their friends, family, coworkers, neighbors and the grocery store clerks are all supportive!

I did and regret it although thankfully I wasn't in the business I am now so my present coworkers/bosses don't know. I was under the misguided impression that if I told enough people surely someone would fill me in on the proper way to beat this disease....snort, yeah right.

Now I tell no one. Most of my family knows and a few close friends but that is it. I don't want to be scrutinized, discriminated against or pitied.

[KatieAgain]

I would like to answer your original question which was, are you unsympathetic to other people's minor illnesses.

Please note that this is just my opinion. And my opinion only.

I would never discuss an illness at work, no matter what it was. It's bad form. I developed good working relationships with co-workers, or tried to at least. But my health issues are none of their business, MS or no MS. It falls along the line of religion and politics. If it was noticeable, and someone asked, I would simply say, I have a medical issue that is being worked on and all is good. However, anyone with a bad diagnosis of anything is vulnerable to do this, so I can see how it happens and I would be very understanding.

However, neighbors, friends, and relatives have all been told about my MS. I have been very lucky from the sounds of it. No one has given me pity, no one has talked behind my back, and all of them ask questions if they are curious and some have done research on the subject.

So, since I am not working anymore, I really don't have anything to hide, and I live each day as it comes. I am not ashamed of my MS...and I think I project that. I am never shunned by anyone, I get invited to all the neighborhood gatherings, and during my recent flare, friends, neighbors and family were there to help me out. Did they feel sorry for me, yes they did. Did they pity me at that time...maybe. I was pretty pathetic. But, they stuck by me...and that is all that counts.

I personally don't think I have many redeeming qualities, seriously....but the one I do have is I am a really good listener. And if someone in my circle wants to complain about their current cold or flu...my left ear is very sympathetic. My having MS does not make any of their aches, pains or illnesses any less. It was not their fault I got MS. They too are having what they perceive as problems and I am not there to help...then something has gone wrong with me. Empathy is something I hope to never lose. That would upset me more than having MS.

Just my 2 cents...I know it is a different opinion...hope it does not cause any problems.

[newbie but goodie]

Katje- I do think that newly diagnosed people should be advised to carefully consider who they disclose their MS to. It's like getting a tattoo: once you tell someone you can't take it back. When I was first diagnosed I went a little crazy (or maybe it was the roids and told EVERYONE. Now I wish I hadn't. Most people are okay about it but I can't escape my diagnosis any more, even during times when I don't feel like an MS patient.

[Jules A]

I would like to answer your original question which was, are you unsympathetic to other people's minor illnesses.

Please note that this is just my opinion. And my opinion only.

I would never discuss an illness at work, no matter what it was. It's bad form. I developed good working relationships with co-workers, or tried to at least. But my health issues are none of their business, MS or no MS. It falls along the line of religion and politics. If it was noticeable, and someone asked, I would simply say, I have a medical issue that is being worked on and all is good. However, anyone with a bad diagnosis of anything is vulnerable to do this, so I can see how it happens and I would be very understanding.

However, neighbors, friends, and relatives have all been told about my MS. I have been very lucky from the sounds of it. No one has given me pity, no one has talked behind my back, and all of them ask questions if they are curious and some have done research on the subject.

So, since I am not working anymore, I really don't have anything to hide, and I live each day as it comes. I am not ashamed of my MS...and I think I project that. I am never shunned by anyone, I get invited to all the neighborhood gatherings, and during my recent flare, friends, neighbors and family were there to help me out. Did they feel sorry for me, yes they did. Did they pity me at that time...maybe. I was pretty pathetic. But, they stuck by me...and that is all that counts.

I personally don't think I have many redeeming qualities, seriously....but the one I do have is I am a really good listener. And if someone in my circle wants to complain about their current cold or flu...my left ear is very sympathetic. My having MS does not make any of their aches, pains or illnesses any less. It was not their fault I got MS. They too are having what they perceive as problems and I am not there to help...then something has gone wrong with me. Empathy is something I hope to never lose. That would upset me more than having MS.

Just my 2 cents...I know it is a different opinion...hope it does not cause any problems.

You make great points. We all should have such a considerate, kind spirited friend like you.

[Katje]

This thread has gone off track a bit.

What I was trying to point out I am tired of whimpy, lazy people.

Yes we all experience illness and pain differently. But this is life goes on. I am totally unsympathetic to someone who cancels out of an important event because they didn't get enough sleep the night before, or someone who can make it to a function because they have a runny nose.

[Cuzin_Willy]

This thread has gone off track a bit.

What I was trying to point out I am tired of whimpy, lazy people.

Yes we all experience illness and pain differently. But this is life goes on. I am totally unsympathetic to someone who cancels out of an important event because they didn't get enough sleep the night before, or someone who can make it to a function because they have a runny nose.

I probally should'nt have gone into my little rant and I apologize for that.
And to help you keep this on track and to the point of the question.

When Iam invited to such an event/function I make sure I get there by any means nessesary.
They go out of their way to include you for the joyous event so I find it insulting and selfish when someone dose'nt show.

It's like an ohh poor me Im sick or dont feel good to draw attention to themselves instead of partaking in the joyous event that they went out of their way to include you for a special time in their life.