Are you unsympathic at other peoples minor illness's?

[Katje]

I had MS over 20 plus years, not all easy. lucky to have no disability etc... but I do feel horribly tired and achey often in the mornings and sometimes I just plain run out of energy. Worked at my job through 2 relapses, one I was half blind. Never told anyone at work nor missed a day, not even for the flu. I had 3 unplanned pregnancies after 39, no help and had MS on top of it. Take my kids to school everymorning, bathed fed and luncheds packed, pick them up, grocery shop, clean house, garden. I took my girls to a boar race and the ren fest both days over 95 and we spent all day oput and walked all over. I am not super human!!!!!

Here is my point. I find my self really disliking people or lacking sympathy for example it was my daughters graduation from kindergarten. My husband mother was going to make it but had her husband call that morning telling us she couldnt because she had very little sleep the night before and just simply could not make it.

I know someone with minor tachycardia but stays home because they are afraid to go out.

Someone who is obese and refuses to diet or get knee surgery so they stay locked up in a tiny apartment watching TV all day.

my sister in law almost 60 has had over 4 surgeries on her back and most recently on her pelvis. She has been all over the US seeing doctors and having surgeries. Why? because she has back pain and c an't wear high heels.

I know many people with back pain including myself with 2 slipped disc's. We do PT, take meds and realize we wil never be 25 again.

I work with people when they get a runny nose they run home sick.

I talk to adults who freak out because they have to get a shot at the doctors.

I think you get the idea. Maybe having MS makes one a little tougher but I find some people just ridiculously whimpy and I just can't find it in my heart to feel bad for them. I often wonder what some of these people would do if they had something serious to deal with?

[Jules A]

I have often wondered if maybe some people just had a more sheltered life than I did.

Even before MS I never had the luxury of being delicate or having someone else pick up my slack. We were expected to go to work or school and fulfill our obligations unless we were literally hucking up a lung.

[JerryD]

No Katje, these people you wrote about are simply not a tough as you. As far as that is concerned, you never really know until the 'chips are down'. I don't even listen when people talk about their health. I know that having a chronic disease is the worst situation to be in. I only pay attention to advice that has a positive aspect to it. I have stopped dwelling in 'negativity' of all kinds. I hope you do well on your stem cell journey. I hope that, by years end, you have put MS in your past. Good luck

[MMMMS]

LOL yes, sometimes. But then I remember my pre-MS whimpy self and get off my high horse. A splinter is a big deal to someone who has never had a paper cut.

[MSW1963]

I could have written your first pharagraph. I had 5ys of active MS sx's, regular bouts of ON and chronic, untreatable UTIs. Years later when arm paralysis, B&B incontenience, fatigue and insomnia were full time, I didn't call in sick very often. I knew I wasn't going to sleep or suddenly recover from fatigue, other sx's if I did stay home, so I went to work in a physical condition that I had no understand of and no reasonable explanitations forthcoming. Those occassions when I called in sick, I left my home number to speak with clients concerning anything pending or urgent.

I was otherwise in excellent health. But MS was also lifelong and steadily progressing until I realized my chronic UTIs, b/b incontenience, ON, fatigue and insomnia were probably associated with a neuro condition. Later I realized that it was probably MS, long before I was dx'd.

I did not fully understand, and often did not recognize
'illness' in myself or those around me. But I was sympethatic to others, family members who discussed the manutia of their latest suspected illnesses or doc visit, always sympethatic about their unkind docs, inconclusive test results, etc., conversations lasting an hour or more on a routine basis.

I try my best to avoid judging others with illness that may not be organic in origin. I remember being under that microscope and judgment from the very family members I listened to in the past when they were not feeling well. The pain and suffering associated with emotional or mental illness deserves treatment as any other illness.

Being the only family member to make appearences for my daughter's special occassions, I find more difficult to forgive.

[Katje]

No Katje, these people you wrote about are simply not a tough as you. As far as that is concerned, you never really know until the 'chips are down'. I don't even listen when people talk about their health. I know that having a chronic disease is the worst situation to be in. I only pay attention to advice that has a positive aspect to it. I have stopped dwelling in 'negativity' of all kinds. I hope you do well on your stem cell journey. I hope that, by years end, you have put MS in your past. Good luck

I don't feel sick or desperate enough to have someone blast me with chemo until I have no immune system. there are so many things that could go wrong, not to mention the long term side effects. I am still thinking about it after talking to Dr. Burt, he feels it's a big deal. the people who want it or had it done don't feel it's a big deal. But then they fail to reveal all the serious side effects they have so far to the newcomers.

[onlyairfare]

I try to be sympathetic with others who have minor illnesses, even if it seems a little silly to me to be so upset about having a cold. Sometimes it is a case of "Minor illnesses or minor surgery only happen to other people; if it is me or my family, it is always Major. Even if it's really minor."

Most people are probably doing the best they can under their own circumstances, even if it is different than what I would choose. Some people take everything in stride even when it is really tough, while others have a fit over that splinter or paper cut.

Last year I fell and hit my head and had a concussion. When I called in sick, my boss's main concern was how terrible it was that I was letting my co-workers down. My main concern was getting an MRI and then seeing my neuro. To me a concussion was a big deal, to him it wasn't.

I still feel that a concussion was a big deal (my MRI turned out OK and so did I) and that my co-workers didn't mind covering in my absence, but I keep that episode in mind. People have different opinions about what is "really sick."

And I'll confess - I missed my daughter's college graduation. It was a 3 hour drive from our home, it was a hot June day and the temp was in the upper 90's. I couldn't sit for hours in the car and then in the sun. I'm not super human either.

[aitch10]

Meh. I'm clearly sick so not too many people whine or make a big deal about their ailments in front of me.

What DOES bug me, however, is everyone making such a big deal about me leading a normal life.

'You took your son to school? You're Super Woman!!11!'
'Volunteering at the school fair? What an angel!'
'Breastfeeding? The toll that must take on your poor body must make you a saint.'

Shut up! I'm not a puppy who didn't poop on the floor or a toddler who needs praise. I'm a regular person with a crappy disease, just trying to do the best I can.

Sorry for the hijack. But yeah, people don't complain to me about being sick.

[Katje]

Meh. I'm clearly sick so not too many people whine or make a big deal about their ailments in front of me.

What DOES bug me, however, is everyone making such a big deal about me leading a normal life.

'You took your son to school? You're Super Woman!!11!'
'Volunteering at the school fair? What an angel!'
'Breastfeeding? The toll that must take on your poor body must make you a saint.'

Shut up! I'm not a puppy who didn't poop on the floor or a toddler who needs praise. I'm a regular person with a crappy disease, just trying to do the best I can.

Sorry for the hijack. But yeah, people don't complain to me about being sick.

Ohh no need to apologize, you brought up another valid point. This is the main reason I keep my MS private!!


Because I have told people in the past and regretted it. You get defined and that's not nice at all. being "the girl with MS" that's all I will ever be to those I told and people they told about me.

funny story though. My sister in law lives in surgery rooms having operations on her back. each time people are praying for her and rallying around. I mention I might have stem cell treatment for my MS, might kill me. People are just like... ohhh good luck with that!!! lol

I have always said I am not sure whats worse, being labeled with MS or having it. It really seems to me we offend people.

[JerryD]

I think the worst thing would be to be known as the person with MS who lost it all because of the debilitating disease.
That will be everyones, us MSers, fate if we don't push hard for answers and good treatments.

[aspen]

I think that having these symptoms makes you tougher.

NOTHING hurts me any more, relative to the trigeminal neuralgia I lived through from January to March.

Things that used to hurt? Barely even register.

Childbirth? I would push out five babies a day rather than experience TN again (admittedly, it's more likely that I'll experience TN rather than childbirth at this point).

It's part of our journey ... these folks just haven't had the same stops yet. I've said before "I'd never be able to cope with an incurable disease. How does she do it?"

Well, you just do.

[Katje]

I think the worst thing would be to be known as the person with MS who lost it all because of the debilitating disease.
That will be everyones, us MSers, fate if we don't push hard for answers and good treatments.

Don't want to be a drama queen. I keep my MS quiet. People just view us as unfortunate and glad they don't have it and go on with their lives. There is a stigma with MS. Pretty much everyone I know in person does not share their MS dx with anyone at all. One person has some obvious signs but she tells she suffered a brain injury and in recovery.

I just don't get why some people want to yell out to the world they have MS. odd.

[Cuzin_Willy]

Tough question
My motto has always been the world dont stop because I have a bad back,broken finger,had my gallbladder taken out (back to work 24 hrs),bum knee that shoots mind numbing pain straight to the brain with every step,etc...etc....type injurys.
But generally keep things to myself and not judge.

I (HAD) this friend (15 yrs) 3-4 yrs ago he was in an accedent that caused a back injury but nothing serious in my mind because he still splits wood drags 500lb logs from here to there for 5-6 hrs on the weekends and whines because he's sore but uses ice in the evening to relieve the soreness/ache and does it all over again the next day.

So for the past 6 yrs or so my legs/feet after being on them for an hr or so made me feel like im walikng with cement shoes and causes alot of back pain/discomfort and wipes me out for 3-4 days. The only thing ice does is make a nice cold wet spot on the cushin or mattress and no relief and another mess to clean.
But with my "the world dont stop attitude" We would go metal detecting or chasing a trout stream for 4-5 hrs and I suffered through it because it was fun hagin out.

Well since the first of the year his criticizim telling me to quit whining caught me on a really bad day I let him have it both barrels and have'nt talked to him since and all I can think is good ridence.
But to answer your question "am I unsympathetic" to an extent I guess depends on the situation.
But the world still dont stop.

[Thinkimjob]

I have a friend who used to spend each and every phone call complaining about her various minor ailments.
Sore throats, headaches, her sore back, her cold, her cough, her whatever was going round this week.

She would ask, "how are you going?", I'd say, "not too bad", and that was the extent of her sympathy and interest before she got started on the next chapter in the saga of how terribly sick she was.

It stopped after she came to visit. She'd not seen me in the flesh for quite a while, and I think she realised I was the winner, hands-down, in the 'who's the sickest contest'.

[MyGirlsMom]

Katje, I am public with my MS. Because I know too many people living and working with MS "in the closet" because they are too afraid of the consequences if they share their diagnosis. I believe that the more people understand, the better it can be for people living with MS, especially those that at a time in their life when they need help from friends, family and co-workers.

For me, I had MS for many years undiagnosed and not only did my doctors think i was crazy, i think some friends and business colleagues thought so too. (Heck, I thought I was crazy!). When I got dxd, the comment from friends was..."wow, all that stuff for years makes sense now!" I probably had MS for 10-15 years prior to dx with a couple of decent exacerbations. One exacerbation was quite difficult when my daughters were three and under and i had no clue i had MS...my doctors totally missed it! If I can help bring understanding to others about the disease, then that is worth it to me! Plus, it is a lot of energy on a tough day to act if everything is ok.