I applied for LTD in March and also applied for a job with an insurance company shortly after. I had a phone interview maybe last week, and I thought it went terribly (it never sounds like a good thing when the interviewer says you need to google behavioral interviews because she can tell you don't have much experience with them). Then I got home yesterday and she had left a message stating that she wanted to set up a final interview with the hiring managers. That does still mean one more interview, but I'm thinking that means I've got a really good shot at this.
The only problem is, I'm not exactly thrilled. Yes, it's a paycheck, and I desperately need one, but the closer I get to this job, the further I want to push myself away. I don't know if it's because I'm nervous about switching career fields or going back to work after being home for so long with MS, or if it truly is because I really don't want to do this type of work. Every step I take, I get more upset that I'm not going into another nursing job.
The thing is though, I did nothing but complain about my nursing jobs as I had them. I got sick of drs pushing me around and thinking they're way better than me when they couldn't do their job without me. It was also frustrating when management didn't care at all about their staff. All everyone wanted to do (no matter where I worked) was get patients in and out as quickly as possible with no regard to quality or safety, as long as there was no risk of being sued. I hated that. On the flip side, it's not the job that was bad, just all the politics surrounding it. I would much rather do a job like that than work in a call center type environment. I was really good at what I did too, and everyone (except those at my most recent job because I wasn't there long enough) knew it.
As for the LTD claim, I just looked online (since they can't call for anything, even when I leave them messages) this morning and it says I was denied. It doesn't state anything about what backed their decision, so I'll have to wait to find out. Whatever it is, I really get the feeling I could fight it and eventually win, but that takes time and I may have a job offer soon and don't know if it's even worth it. Ultimately, I'd rather get the LTD with the hope that I could eventually find a nursing job, but it doesn't exactly look like that'll be happening.
It's just so frustrating that I spent all this time to go to school and get my bachelor's degree, only to be pushed away from the one thing I was good at and possibly take a stupid job that I really don't want. I imagine it would be less stressful, and I know they provide opportunities for advancement (which I wanted in my nursing career but because I wasn't a suck up like some of the others, I didn't get that), but I still don't want it. Nothing has made me feel good about this, and it is also extremely embarrassing knowing that they'll be calling my old work references and they'll end up seeing that because of my failure, I can't even do the one thing I'm good at anymore.
I'm not going to lie, when I look at all this crap I'm dealing with right now, I really wish it could have been one of those horrible people in management at one of the hospitals I worked with that got stuck with this instead of me. They didn't care about what really mattered, while I always did. I always did the best job I could, while they never cared. Yes, they are much more deserving of MS than I am, so why did it have to hit me?
The only problem is, I'm not exactly thrilled. Yes, it's a paycheck, and I desperately need one, but the closer I get to this job, the further I want to push myself away. I don't know if it's because I'm nervous about switching career fields or going back to work after being home for so long with MS, or if it truly is because I really don't want to do this type of work. Every step I take, I get more upset that I'm not going into another nursing job.
The thing is though, I did nothing but complain about my nursing jobs as I had them. I got sick of drs pushing me around and thinking they're way better than me when they couldn't do their job without me. It was also frustrating when management didn't care at all about their staff. All everyone wanted to do (no matter where I worked) was get patients in and out as quickly as possible with no regard to quality or safety, as long as there was no risk of being sued. I hated that. On the flip side, it's not the job that was bad, just all the politics surrounding it. I would much rather do a job like that than work in a call center type environment. I was really good at what I did too, and everyone (except those at my most recent job because I wasn't there long enough) knew it.
As for the LTD claim, I just looked online (since they can't call for anything, even when I leave them messages) this morning and it says I was denied. It doesn't state anything about what backed their decision, so I'll have to wait to find out. Whatever it is, I really get the feeling I could fight it and eventually win, but that takes time and I may have a job offer soon and don't know if it's even worth it. Ultimately, I'd rather get the LTD with the hope that I could eventually find a nursing job, but it doesn't exactly look like that'll be happening.
It's just so frustrating that I spent all this time to go to school and get my bachelor's degree, only to be pushed away from the one thing I was good at and possibly take a stupid job that I really don't want. I imagine it would be less stressful, and I know they provide opportunities for advancement (which I wanted in my nursing career but because I wasn't a suck up like some of the others, I didn't get that), but I still don't want it. Nothing has made me feel good about this, and it is also extremely embarrassing knowing that they'll be calling my old work references and they'll end up seeing that because of my failure, I can't even do the one thing I'm good at anymore.
I'm not going to lie, when I look at all this crap I'm dealing with right now, I really wish it could have been one of those horrible people in management at one of the hospitals I worked with that got stuck with this instead of me. They didn't care about what really mattered, while I always did. I always did the best job I could, while they never cared. Yes, they are much more deserving of MS than I am, so why did it have to hit me?
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