Intro post - when does the anger stop?

[Bananas777]

Hello,
I've been a member on this board for a while, but don't usually post.

I was diagnosed at 17 (am now 35), and am still angry as he*#!

Have any of you dealt with severe anger issues stemming back to your diagnosis? I guess it comes from the whole, "why me/it's not fair/life sucks" line of thinking.

I'd love some other points of view, as I realize now that I truly can't do this on my own.

Thanks so much in advance,
Banana (cat's name; not really my name)

[mgoerke]

I've just celebrated my three year anniversary, so I'm not a vet like yourself. Still as a person who inherited depression and anxiety from both sides of her family, I know a thing or two about rage.

It comes and goes. When it comes acknowledge it, but try not to feed it. It is perfectly normal for people like is to have rage and the whole "why me" moments. It is up to is to choose of we want those moments to stay with us forever or let them pass. If I don't let them go, I know I will end up literally suicidal.

Do you have friends or family you can talk openly to? If not, maybe a counselor?

Hugs!!

[MSer102]

It took me about 2 years to stop being angry. I figured out that the problem was that I had an idea about how I thought things should be. So when I changed my thought and let go of the idea I had in my head things got a lot easier. Anger is OK at first because it tells you there's something wrong. Its too easy to get stuck in being angry as if staying angry somehow validates that we have a right to feel bad because life isn't fair. Anger can motivate us to do something but staying in it doesn't lead to anything good.

It seems like what keeps people stuck in anger or another emotion isn't that something bad happened that freaked them out. I think its because then they get freaked out about being freaked out and then get freaked out about that and it goes on and on. And it turns into anxiety that people can't get out of because they think they're helpless about how they feel.

I think handling emotions really is pretty simple if people stop reacting to them as if they're helpless or hanging on to them for validation. For me the secret isn't in pretending that I'm not angry but recognizing that I am angry and then turning my attention to something else that's constructive. It took some practice but it really is that simple.

[Milhous]

one can choose to stay angry
I choose to not stay that way as I decided long ago that I do not like that kind of person so I chose to surround myself with people who have an optimistic view of life as they are more uplifting than those that are negative all the time. but I do not have depression issues to overcome but this was how I survived. I still have why me days but they are getting fewer and fewer. I have had MS for 23 years and am debilitated enough to be in a w/c for 15+ years.
that is when you need someone to lift you up.
there is no magic cure and you may need some professional help to help you over the hurdle of anger.

[CaroleL]

I'm fairly new to all this but I've got to say, it's OK to be angry. For awhile. I get angry at my limitations, of my inability to surpass them.

Sometimes, anger is needed in order to push us forward. If it ends up turning you into a rancid person, then it's time to get help. If you feel anger all the time, it may be time to seek counseling.

I think that being diagnosed is a shock and that everyone should have a support system.

Your local MS society chapter offers counseling. Or you can talk to your PCP.

That being said, I think you are suffering from depression, not anger. Now we know that depressions is a part of MS. It's most certainly normal to be depressed about having MS and what it does to us.

Your PCP, can prescribe medications that can help with depression. I take Effexor and it has done me a world of good. I still get downs, but way less often and less severe. Maybe you can benefit from something similar.

I wish you well Banana777!

[SNOOPY]

Hi Bananas,

Anger is an emotion that hides what is underneath. Under all that anger is a host of other emotions such as fear, sadness, uncertainty, ect. Some people would rather deal with anger than all of those other emotions. It can be hard to really look at how you feel.

I would suggest you seek the help of a Psychotherapist who can gently help you deal with the emotions that are hiding under the anger.

Anytime you encounter someone who has a lot of anger there is a very hurt and scared person.

Take care and best wishes

[Bananas777]

Thanks!

Wow, so many words of wisdom. Thank you all for your lovely, thoughtful advice.

I've spent my whole life in therapy, due to other issues while growing up. To be honest, anger has always been there. I've been trying to avoid getting back into counseling/therapy, but I guess I can't really avoid it any more. I'm currently engaged to the most awesome, supportive guy on the planet, and I can't lose him because of something I could have prevented.

I think I just needed to hear that from people who have had to deal with some of the same stuff, and will continue to deal with new crappy stuff.

Thanks again, everybody, for giving me the supportive kick in the butt that I needed. I think you'll be seeing me around here more often

Off to the therapist, I go...

[Thinkimjob]

I think Snoopy's right, but I also think it's okay to be angry about the whole MS thing from time to time.

I've had it for 14 years, and if anything, I'm more annoyed/ bemused about it now. I find the downhill slide sort of morbidly fascinating.

For instance, last week I could still climb into a 4WD vehicle; this week, the old leg just will not swing inside without me manually hoicking it in. When did that happen and why didn't I notice before?

At the start after I was diagnosed, I was angry/ broken-hearted/ very cynical. "What do you mean, there's no cure?" "Needles? Every day? Me?"

I've come to terms with the whole no cure thing. Those terms are, "Well, thank you world of science" and "Bugger".

You can't let it take over your life, but you can't always live as if it wasn't there. So anywhere you can let it out without hurting other people has to be good.

[Brittan]

Life's a (fill in the blank)

Hello Bananas (love it)

I can relate when I was 16 I got very ill and I went to numerous docs without them figuring it out. 2 years later it was like what ever I had was gone with no answer. When I hit 21 I once again became very ill, it took the doctors 6 years to find out that I had chronic EBV ... no cure. So I am always tired and live with all over pain, fatigue everyday. It even hurts to walk. The docs can only treat the symptoms and they even suck at that. So I am now home based all the time and I am 35 yrs old.

I've been sick for over half my life but I am thankful for what I can do ... I try to think of the cup as half full vs half empty. Thinking that way and being able to laugh at my symptoms is what has gotten me through.

I am thankful for the little things especially the things we didn't have 20 years ago such as

the internet, netflix, email ... keeping connected to the world is awesome. I couldn't imagine 20 years ago being ill and just laying in bed everyday all day watching tv repeats and being charged long distance to simply talk with someone.

I too get angry just let it out when you need to. I try not to think about it because what good is it going to do? Just ignite another flare up.