Hi,
My dad was recently diagnosed with PPMS. However, he has some of the common symptoms of MS (balance problems, decreased coordination) as well as less common ones (language and memory issues), so he had to go to several neurologists and specialists until they came up with this diagnosis.
My family is originally from Poland, and we moved to the US in 1997 when I was 3. My parents were both journalists in Poland, which aren't easily transition-able careers when it comes to moving to a new country. My mother was able to create a successful career for herself, by working hard and seizing every opportunity she could.
However, this meant that she had to go back to school to learn English and find a way to apply her humanities skills to a field other than journalism. My father sacrificed himself by working as a handyman and general contractor, working on residential homes. My mother had greater aspirations for him, which involved him moving up the corporate ladder, to the point where he would be running a company and employing individuals to do the work he was responsible for at the start of this type of career. Unfortunately, whether this was due to his personality or fear of failure, he stayed in the same position that he started at so early on.
My mother found this intolerable. She and my father argued a lot-she wanted him to have greater aspirations, and his continual inability to meet her expectations did not help their relationship. My father built an emotional wall around himself, and in 2010 was diagnosed with depression, which he claimed started in 2001.
Whether from his 2012 diagnosis of MS or from the 2010 diagnosis of depression, he has essentially given up on himself. We have, over the years, urged him to take English classes at the local community college, which he performed poorly in. He rarely did his homework, and claimed otherwise. He never took personal responsibility for his lack of action.
Due to his MS, it is understandable that he is unable to form cognitive connections as well as those with no neurological diseases. His depression does not help this either. However, it's not impossible for him to learn new things as I understand it. Unfortunately, for reasons I can not understand, he chooses not to do anything at all (as this is of course the easiest way out)
For the past 7 years he has slowly been pushed out emotionally by my mother, sister and I. We did not know that he was having trouble and he did not take it upon himself to take action for his health. My mother is very much a "boss-lady" and tries to micromanage all aspects of my life and my sisters, mostly because she has been forced to take on all responsibility in her relationship with my father. This is something that I have only become aware of in recent years, as I have grown older and able to observe such behavior.
He is now on several medications, and before that he was on medications for depression. He sees a psychologist and psychiatrist, as well as neurologist. However, outside of his hour long sessions with the psychologist and psychiatrist, I do not see him caring for himself. He does no intensive exercise, is continually detached, and it is difficult for my sister, mother or I to talk with him without us becoming angry or upset because of how he chooses to live his life. I am also guilty because I am not empathetic towards him, and this is mainly because I have no idea how he lives with himself and his mentality.
I understand that he is probably scared because of his disease, but I don't think that's an excuse to do nothing. I don't understand why he is not fighting harder to improve his life. He is only 53 years old, and has been in and out of work in low level positions for about the past 7 years. He has not been working for the past 6 months, and occupies his time by playing with our cat and dog or finding trivial things to do around the house. I am also angry because he has so much leisure time while my mother works 2 jobs to sustain him, herself, and put my sister and I through college.
I do know he has had dizzy spells these past few weeks, but that is only if he is out of bed and walking around. He says he has no trouble sitting or lying down. It is very challenging to find a career at 53, especially if your English skills are not great. However, he says that he can't remember things he reads in Polish, his native language, from the day before. I feel like he brings these things up to victimize himself, and to be manipulative, which also makes me angry. It also angers me that he could perform a desk job, but he claims that there is no work available to him. He doesn't seem to understand that he needs to take advance of professional connections as well as use his time away from work to learn new skills and improve old ones.
I don't know how much of his PPMS symptoms are fabricated, and how much of it is a constant issue in his life.
At the same time, I don't know if he could improve his English if he really applied himself. Again, I don't know much about PPMS and whether repetition as well as diligence and rigorously applying himself to learning new skills/the language is possible.
I like to think that there are people who, under these circumstances, either work harder to get what they want and reach their aspirations, and those who give up on life.
It seems like my father has given up, and expects to be baby-ed for the next 25 years. However, if this is the case, I don't think its the PPMS and his mentality.
Is there anything you can suggest to get him on his feet and thinking more positively? My family agrees that, because it appears his mentality will not improve, that he go back to Poland to spend some time with our other family as well as maybe get a better perspective on his life. We also want him to, if he is unable/unwilling to improve his English, that he try and rekindle his career in Poland as a journalist.
Any advice or further questions to help guide some advice would be very appreciated.
Thanks,
A Concerned Son
My dad was recently diagnosed with PPMS. However, he has some of the common symptoms of MS (balance problems, decreased coordination) as well as less common ones (language and memory issues), so he had to go to several neurologists and specialists until they came up with this diagnosis.
My family is originally from Poland, and we moved to the US in 1997 when I was 3. My parents were both journalists in Poland, which aren't easily transition-able careers when it comes to moving to a new country. My mother was able to create a successful career for herself, by working hard and seizing every opportunity she could.
However, this meant that she had to go back to school to learn English and find a way to apply her humanities skills to a field other than journalism. My father sacrificed himself by working as a handyman and general contractor, working on residential homes. My mother had greater aspirations for him, which involved him moving up the corporate ladder, to the point where he would be running a company and employing individuals to do the work he was responsible for at the start of this type of career. Unfortunately, whether this was due to his personality or fear of failure, he stayed in the same position that he started at so early on.
My mother found this intolerable. She and my father argued a lot-she wanted him to have greater aspirations, and his continual inability to meet her expectations did not help their relationship. My father built an emotional wall around himself, and in 2010 was diagnosed with depression, which he claimed started in 2001.
Whether from his 2012 diagnosis of MS or from the 2010 diagnosis of depression, he has essentially given up on himself. We have, over the years, urged him to take English classes at the local community college, which he performed poorly in. He rarely did his homework, and claimed otherwise. He never took personal responsibility for his lack of action.
Due to his MS, it is understandable that he is unable to form cognitive connections as well as those with no neurological diseases. His depression does not help this either. However, it's not impossible for him to learn new things as I understand it. Unfortunately, for reasons I can not understand, he chooses not to do anything at all (as this is of course the easiest way out)
For the past 7 years he has slowly been pushed out emotionally by my mother, sister and I. We did not know that he was having trouble and he did not take it upon himself to take action for his health. My mother is very much a "boss-lady" and tries to micromanage all aspects of my life and my sisters, mostly because she has been forced to take on all responsibility in her relationship with my father. This is something that I have only become aware of in recent years, as I have grown older and able to observe such behavior.
He is now on several medications, and before that he was on medications for depression. He sees a psychologist and psychiatrist, as well as neurologist. However, outside of his hour long sessions with the psychologist and psychiatrist, I do not see him caring for himself. He does no intensive exercise, is continually detached, and it is difficult for my sister, mother or I to talk with him without us becoming angry or upset because of how he chooses to live his life. I am also guilty because I am not empathetic towards him, and this is mainly because I have no idea how he lives with himself and his mentality.
I understand that he is probably scared because of his disease, but I don't think that's an excuse to do nothing. I don't understand why he is not fighting harder to improve his life. He is only 53 years old, and has been in and out of work in low level positions for about the past 7 years. He has not been working for the past 6 months, and occupies his time by playing with our cat and dog or finding trivial things to do around the house. I am also angry because he has so much leisure time while my mother works 2 jobs to sustain him, herself, and put my sister and I through college.
I do know he has had dizzy spells these past few weeks, but that is only if he is out of bed and walking around. He says he has no trouble sitting or lying down. It is very challenging to find a career at 53, especially if your English skills are not great. However, he says that he can't remember things he reads in Polish, his native language, from the day before. I feel like he brings these things up to victimize himself, and to be manipulative, which also makes me angry. It also angers me that he could perform a desk job, but he claims that there is no work available to him. He doesn't seem to understand that he needs to take advance of professional connections as well as use his time away from work to learn new skills and improve old ones.
I don't know how much of his PPMS symptoms are fabricated, and how much of it is a constant issue in his life.
At the same time, I don't know if he could improve his English if he really applied himself. Again, I don't know much about PPMS and whether repetition as well as diligence and rigorously applying himself to learning new skills/the language is possible.
I like to think that there are people who, under these circumstances, either work harder to get what they want and reach their aspirations, and those who give up on life.
It seems like my father has given up, and expects to be baby-ed for the next 25 years. However, if this is the case, I don't think its the PPMS and his mentality.
Is there anything you can suggest to get him on his feet and thinking more positively? My family agrees that, because it appears his mentality will not improve, that he go back to Poland to spend some time with our other family as well as maybe get a better perspective on his life. We also want him to, if he is unable/unwilling to improve his English, that he try and rekindle his career in Poland as a journalist.
Any advice or further questions to help guide some advice would be very appreciated.
Thanks,
A Concerned Son
...I will say this site is really good, and everyone here is helpful and supportive.
Comment