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    New kid on the block

    Well, here I am. I feared for years I'd be here, but I always thought it was paranoia--a lesson in how we should all listen to our intuition, no doubt. I'm 22, and I was diagnosed on 01/11/13. I didn't have to deal with ANY of the limbo what's-going-on-with-me stuff, I went from seeing my eye doctor for double vision on 01/09, and diagnosed on 01/11. I suppose that's good.

    In December 2011-Janurary 2012, I couldn't feel temperature in my legs and feet. I chalked it up to a pinched nerve, and by the time I got a primary care physician, it went away. Around Thanksgiving, my legs went numb. My thumb on my right hand, slowly spreading outwards, was slightly numb as well. The numbness in my legs slowly spread upwards, growing with more intensity the closer to my feet, until I was walking on what can only be described as "cactus balls." After a couple of days, I saw my primary, they did some blood work and discovered I was severely anemic and B12 deficient. I went on iron and B12 pills, and they said if it wasn't gone in 30 days to call. It went away.

    When it came time for my followup appointment in 3 months, the numbness kind of came back. I was experiencing mental fog, severe exhaustion, and my iron levels weren't back up to where they should be, so they scheduled some iron transfusions via IV. The numbness was spreading through my right half of my scalp, along my ears, across the right half of my abdomen, every day encompassing the right side of me. The day after they set up the transfusions, the double vision started. They did an MRI/MRV next day, and then the following day I was called and told the news that it all signs show MS.

    My world shattered. My half-sister (who shares a mother with me, not a father), Megan, was diagnosed with MS when she was 21, 14 years ago. She is legally blind, suffering from tunnel vision, and several other things. She doesn't talk about her symptoms very much. My father's mother, who died before I was born, had MS. I was very familiar with the disease and what to expect, and if you're the kind of person to drive yourself nuts with research like I am, you put yourself through the ringer. I knew what to expect, and I had a trip coming 2 days after the call that I had been planning for 6 months. They told me to just go on the trip, if it's MS, it'll be there for treatment and visits when I got back.

    The trip was awful. I mean, it was wonderful to go, but as far as the quality for me, it was awful. We went to the Detroit Auto Show for press days. Unfamiliar environment, unable to see, millions of people, loud noises, not a whole lot of places to sit. Over the course of the trip, the numbness got worse, I became less and less able to walk, my right leg would NOT function and the tremors in my right hand killed my fine motor skills. Not to mention, the entire time I'm there, I'm analyzing every symptom, every possible outcome, checking my insurance information and plan benefits every second I could on my phone, trying to plan every little minute detail. I hate surprises.

    The trip came and went, I saw my new neurologist the day after I got back. Went over my MRI, spotted 9 lesions in my brain (there's a 10th one he's sure is there causing the optic neuritis but it's between the cuts). He's comfortable diagnosing it as MS without a spinal tap once I go through a couple more tests--I got a carotid ultrasound today, an MRI of my cervical spine done today, I have an EKG next week and some random blood panels, and then I'm diagnosed.

    He put me on 3 bags of Solumedrol, and a 30 day taper of Prednisone. I'm on day 5 of the taper, and I can walk a lot better. The numbness is better. The tremors are better. The mental fog is lifting. However, my vision has not yet returned, my right knee is still locking up, and the random right arm attacks are still happening, although last night was the first time it happened since the 18th. The random arm attacks I speak of is, if I do something too fast, or get out of breath or something, my right arm gets excruciating electrical pains and feels like it's paralyzed. My arm touches my stomach during one of these, and I don't know who's touching me. My arm twitches, I lose all motor control, and Lhermitte's sign is in full effect. Takes about an hour/hour and a half to make it go away, looking straight up.

    When I see the neurologist on 2/28, I'll be asking for betaseron.

    Basically, I'm not sure why I'm writing this. My sister has been diagnosed so long that she can no longer relate to me, she deals with this illness by ignoring it, and she's onto secondary progressive, anyway. That approach won't work for me. I feel like I need some support. I'm dealing with the mental crossroads of when I should go back to work, when I'm overdoing it, should I take time off to let my body heal like I need to, or should I work through it considering I only get 12 weeks off in a rolling calendar year? How do I handle this? How do I stop worrying about the unknowns? When I lay on my back, I get horrible spasms, and during my MRI was one of the most horrific pains of my life. By the time it was over, the spasms had stopped, but when I got up from the MRI, they started, this time when I'm sitting up/standing! I'm just so distraught. I'm sorry for writing this enormous book.

    TL;DR I'm new and this is scary.

    #2
    Hi Samantha...MS "is" scary, even with your knowledge and family history. I am very sorry you are experiencing this, and so young. It sounds like both sides of the family got ya on this! Dang that DNA!!!

    Please come here for support...you are right, your sister is in a different place now. Actually we all are in our own little corner's of the MS world, and you will find people here in yours, and you will find amazing support, make friends, and feel compassion and empathy you might not even realize you need yet. I have learned to watch and listen, because I see and hear exactly what I need WHEN I need it, often on this board.

    Also Samantha, try to learn how to live in the moment and try to not fret about all that may or may not happen...i know, easier said than done, but baby, the power of the mind is crazy awesome and you can do it! In the future, enjoy your vacations (maybe plan a little differently to accommodate the state of your health). MS isn't going anywhere, and sometimes you deal with it accordingly, and sometimes you just "shelve it" and have some fun when an opportunity presents itself. Grab those moments of fun, love and laughter, and then hold onto them and cherish them during the more difficult times and they will sustain you.

    I know you have a family history...but that doesn't mean you have to be tough through this. You can fall apart, have tantrums, depression, cry, rant, be angry, whatever happens, just own it, feel it. It is what it is, and you have a right to feel it. Then when the time is right you just pick up the pieces and carry on. You will learn to nurture yourself, and give yourself love and credibility.

    Eventually it will all fall into a pattern, like different quilting squares made from all different patterns and material, yet stitched together one by one, they create a new, beautiful quilt of their own!

    Come here often, and you will find everything you need!

    Hugs!
    Crystal

    Success is a journey, not a destination

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      #3
      Hello and welcome!

      You've found the right place for support. I wish you well.
      When I can laugh at my experiences, I own them and they don't own me!

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        #4
        Hi and welcome,
        It is scary.

        I have had it 9 years and I'm still terrified of what it can do. Personally since diagnosis I have tried to work as much as possible so I can bank money for my unpredictable future.

        Others have said they are stopping to smell the flowers more since who knows what tomorrow may bring.

        No easy answers with this one unfortunately. Best to you, Jules
        He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
        Anonymous

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