2012 In march my father passed away in his shower it was a horrable thing to see he was 86 yrs old and he had major cognitive issues and the last time we talked ended in an argument.On the same day he died there was a horrific accident in my driveway a young woman driving at a high rate of speed was cut off and slammed into the back of an oil delivery truck that was at my house and Im still haunted by her screams and it brings tears to my eyes whenever I think of it she was lucky and survived but heard a short time later she may have lost her legs.
One month later my oldest brother passed away from poor health him and my father never got along so my 3 daughters never got to see much of him until that short time since my father died he was over a few times in those few weeks and finely got to give my daughters each a doll he had bought and wrapped years earlier that was the last time we seen him.
Exactly one week later our 15 year old dog died in her sleep she was a birthday gift for my middle daughter when she was 5 years old. It took a good portion of the year for my wife and daughters to start feeling better I on the other hand couldn't let go of the past and the horrible things my father put us through as kids he was a very angry person and I still blame him for my mothers death .
I still had this uneasy feeling of dread like something was going to happen so on New Years eve my wife topped my year off by packing up all her stuff and leaving me and the girls she toldcme my mind wasn't right and she isn't coming back unless I go away and get inpatient help she said I am getting just like my father it was like a knife was shoved through my heart
I did every possible thing to not be like him so my girls wouldn't live in fear all their young life like I did I always thought I would never have that kind of fear again until these past few weeks I know Im nothing like him and the girl just told me that and that Im the best dad ever and they love my I could never say that about my father .
This February would be our 25th anniversary . I feel that she thinks this might be chance to ditch me I dont know what to think when I was diagnosed 9/09 she made me file for ssdi which I won the case right away because of my history with depression balance problems and the danger it would put me in climbing ladders and walking scaffolds all day and she convinced me to retire and said everything would be just fine and said she would never leave me
Im totaly numb Im lost I dont know what to believe I know I have been having cognitive issues lately I have a cog evaluation in two weeks that my ms docter set up 4 months ago no Im afraid to go away to this place I feel its a plot to get me out of her life I dont feel like I changed that much so anyway I agreed to go I just need a few days to get things together to take and have time to explain to my kids whats going on my wife agreed said thats fine
This morning I got a call from a women my wife works with who told about this place and she can make all the arrangements she said they will call you tomorrow and they will pick you friday But I told you I need a few days I said then she tells me the sooner the better they want to get you in as quick as possible .
Why This is where Im lost and Im panicking and scared to death I dont know to do I have no one to turn to for support my wife wont even talk to me shecknows how nervous I get Im sorry to go on so long with this Im sitting hear scard shaking uncontrollably my symptoms are acting up I just dont understand whats happening its to fast and I dont feel safe Im so sorry to ramble
** Moderator's note - Post broken into paragraphs for easier reading. Many people with MS have visual difficulties that prevent them from reading large blocks of print. **
One month later my oldest brother passed away from poor health him and my father never got along so my 3 daughters never got to see much of him until that short time since my father died he was over a few times in those few weeks and finely got to give my daughters each a doll he had bought and wrapped years earlier that was the last time we seen him.
Exactly one week later our 15 year old dog died in her sleep she was a birthday gift for my middle daughter when she was 5 years old. It took a good portion of the year for my wife and daughters to start feeling better I on the other hand couldn't let go of the past and the horrible things my father put us through as kids he was a very angry person and I still blame him for my mothers death .
I still had this uneasy feeling of dread like something was going to happen so on New Years eve my wife topped my year off by packing up all her stuff and leaving me and the girls she toldcme my mind wasn't right and she isn't coming back unless I go away and get inpatient help she said I am getting just like my father it was like a knife was shoved through my heart
I did every possible thing to not be like him so my girls wouldn't live in fear all their young life like I did I always thought I would never have that kind of fear again until these past few weeks I know Im nothing like him and the girl just told me that and that Im the best dad ever and they love my I could never say that about my father .
This February would be our 25th anniversary . I feel that she thinks this might be chance to ditch me I dont know what to think when I was diagnosed 9/09 she made me file for ssdi which I won the case right away because of my history with depression balance problems and the danger it would put me in climbing ladders and walking scaffolds all day and she convinced me to retire and said everything would be just fine and said she would never leave me
Im totaly numb Im lost I dont know what to believe I know I have been having cognitive issues lately I have a cog evaluation in two weeks that my ms docter set up 4 months ago no Im afraid to go away to this place I feel its a plot to get me out of her life I dont feel like I changed that much so anyway I agreed to go I just need a few days to get things together to take and have time to explain to my kids whats going on my wife agreed said thats fine
This morning I got a call from a women my wife works with who told about this place and she can make all the arrangements she said they will call you tomorrow and they will pick you friday But I told you I need a few days I said then she tells me the sooner the better they want to get you in as quick as possible .
Why This is where Im lost and Im panicking and scared to death I dont know to do I have no one to turn to for support my wife wont even talk to me shecknows how nervous I get Im sorry to go on so long with this Im sitting hear scard shaking uncontrollably my symptoms are acting up I just dont understand whats happening its to fast and I dont feel safe Im so sorry to ramble
** Moderator's note - Post broken into paragraphs for easier reading. Many people with MS have visual difficulties that prevent them from reading large blocks of print. **
Comment