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2012 worst year ever for me

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    2012 worst year ever for me

    2012 In march my father passed away in his shower it was a horrable thing to see he was 86 yrs old and he had major cognitive issues and the last time we talked ended in an argument.On the same day he died there was a horrific accident in my driveway a young woman driving at a high rate of speed was cut off and slammed into the back of an oil delivery truck that was at my house and Im still haunted by her screams and it brings tears to my eyes whenever I think of it she was lucky and survived but heard a short time later she may have lost her legs.

    One month later my oldest brother passed away from poor health him and my father never got along so my 3 daughters never got to see much of him until that short time since my father died he was over a few times in those few weeks and finely got to give my daughters each a doll he had bought and wrapped years earlier that was the last time we seen him.

    Exactly one week later our 15 year old dog died in her sleep she was a birthday gift for my middle daughter when she was 5 years old. It took a good portion of the year for my wife and daughters to start feeling better I on the other hand couldn't let go of the past and the horrible things my father put us through as kids he was a very angry person and I still blame him for my mothers death .

    I still had this uneasy feeling of dread like something was going to happen so on New Years eve my wife topped my year off by packing up all her stuff and leaving me and the girls she toldcme my mind wasn't right and she isn't coming back unless I go away and get inpatient help she said I am getting just like my father it was like a knife was shoved through my heart

    I did every possible thing to not be like him so my girls wouldn't live in fear all their young life like I did I always thought I would never have that kind of fear again until these past few weeks I know Im nothing like him and the girl just told me that and that Im the best dad ever and they love my I could never say that about my father .

    This February would be our 25th anniversary . I feel that she thinks this might be chance to ditch me I dont know what to think when I was diagnosed 9/09 she made me file for ssdi which I won the case right away because of my history with depression balance problems and the danger it would put me in climbing ladders and walking scaffolds all day and she convinced me to retire and said everything would be just fine and said she would never leave me

    Im totaly numb Im lost I dont know what to believe I know I have been having cognitive issues lately I have a cog evaluation in two weeks that my ms docter set up 4 months ago no Im afraid to go away to this place I feel its a plot to get me out of her life I dont feel like I changed that much so anyway I agreed to go I just need a few days to get things together to take and have time to explain to my kids whats going on my wife agreed said thats fine

    This morning I got a call from a women my wife works with who told about this place and she can make all the arrangements she said they will call you tomorrow and they will pick you friday But I told you I need a few days I said then she tells me the sooner the better they want to get you in as quick as possible .

    Why This is where Im lost and Im panicking and scared to death I dont know to do I have no one to turn to for support my wife wont even talk to me shecknows how nervous I get Im sorry to go on so long with this Im sitting hear scard shaking uncontrollably my symptoms are acting up I just dont understand whats happening its to fast and I dont feel safe Im so sorry to ramble

    ** Moderator's note - Post broken into paragraphs for easier reading. Many people with MS have visual difficulties that prevent them from reading large blocks of print. **

    #2
    sorry for the mess your in

    fierst try and find a coping skill to stay calm you dont wana go in to that place giveing them a reson to belive your not saine with all that happened i can see why your lost and hurt but you still have to greve and move on dont wana get worse in the ms ya know by getting worked up your raseing your body temp witch isent good and with that said your probuly not getting rest witch flairs the ms try and find your calm place

    life might seem horibule but you allready have made it throu alot and made it this far keep that in mind and rememer pepole dont get ms till they have ms so alot of the mood problumes can be from the ms meds should keep that in oreder or help you stay in order i my self have mental health do to my ms ocd is the worst thing from the rambule you just did shows me your obsessing over the bad like i offten do lol but as ive found the right meds ive found to stay calm and let go

    i my self have to take tegrital to keep a stabule mood and i dident think i had a mood problume till i got on the meds so this it self is another jernny but all will trun out ok if you listen to the docters and understand the ms dose mess with the mood its not your falt for anything so dont let her let you feel like that your kids have told you diff member pepole dont get ms till they have ms .... and even then we still have to figer our ms out hope this helped you ill be praying for you my fellow ms'er

    ** Moderator's note - Post broken into paragraphs for easier reading. Many people with MS have visual difficulties that prevent them from reading large blocks of print. **
    live and laugh in love cuz love is forever

    Comment


      #3
      I think she takes advantage of my ms

      Originally posted by loveisforever View Post
      fierst try and find a coping skill to stay calm you dont wana go in to that place giveing them a reson to belive your not saine with all that happened i can see why your lost and hurt but you still have to greve and move on dont wana get worse in the ms ya know by getting worked up your raseing your body temp witch isent good and with that said your probuly not getting rest witch flairs the ms try and find your calm place

      life might seem horibule but you allready have made it throu alot and made it this far keep that in mind and rememer pepole dont get ms till they have ms so alot of the mood problumes can be from the ms meds should keep that in oreder or help you stay in order i my self have mental health do to my ms ocd is the worst thing from the rambule you just did shows me your obsessing over the bad like i offten do lol but as ive found the right meds ive found to stay calm and let go

      i my self have to take tegrital to keep a stabule mood and i dident think i had a mood problume till i got on the meds so this it self is another jernny but all will trun out ok if you listen to the docters and understand the ms dose mess with the mood its not your falt for anything so dont let her let you feel like that your kids have told you diff member pepole dont get ms till they have ms .... and even then we still have to figer our ms out hope this helped you ill be praying for you my fellow ms'er

      ** Moderator's note - Post broken into paragraphs for easier reading. Many people with MS have visual difficulties that prevent them from reading large blocks of print. **
      I feel she has been taking advantage of my past and present emotions .She tells me I dream I this stuff in my head Im almost positive she is having an affair at work We been married 24 years I know when somethings not right then she goes into a rage telling me my brains not right and I cant except that I just don't feel that different mentally

      Comment


        #4
        thank you

        Loveisforever thanks that helps allot

        Comment


          #5
          My condolences. I don't know what to say, which is really rare for me! I hope 2013 is a better year for you.
          Jen
          RRMS 2005, Copaxone since 2007
          "I hope to be the person my dog thinks I am."

          Comment


            #6
            There is not a single person I know that had been sorry to say good bye to 2012, it has been a year from hell for most people and it has certainly been the worst year of my life (from bereavement to a broken heart and ms diagnosis, I won't bore you with the details of my 2012 but as the end of the year got closer, I began to breathe a sigh of relief since I was dreading what may happen if the year didn't end soon). I am praying that 2013 will be less challenging and I truly hope that 2013 is a better year for you. Good luck!

            Comment


              #7
              2013 its been better in a way

              2013 has been better as far as health goes with my remaining family members I'm still separated and hope to divorce after that one year mark I don't know If I became self destructive or not I stopped taking most of my meds Like Copaxon blood pressure pills and a few others. Cymbalta and Nuvigil are the only two that seems to work wonders for me I would so love to meet a new women now that knows what I'm going through and me with her Hopefully soon loneliness is a horrible feeling I'm so grateful for my three daughters sticking with me and still at my side .Thank you all for your kind words and support and wish you all the best

              Comment


                #8
                Hi Charlie,

                Thanks for the update! I'm sorry to hear of all you've been through, but glad 2013 has been a bit better. Here's hoping 2014 will be even better! I'm glad your daughters are still by your side and I hope you will find love again.

                I hope you will get back on your meds. If not for you, do it for your 3 beautiful daughters.

                As far as the Copaxone, it's purpose is to help prevent future relapses and hopefully, slow disease progression. It's not meant to improve your symptoms.

                Take care and keep us informed on how you are doing!
                Kimba

                “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” ― Max Planck

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by Kimba22 View Post
                  Hi Charlie,

                  Thanks for the update! I'm sorry to hear of all you've been through, but glad 2013 has been a bit better. Here's hoping 2014 will be even better! I'm glad your daughters are still by your side and I hope you will find love again.

                  I hope you will get back on your meds. If not for you, do it for your 3 beautiful daughters.

                  As far as the Copaxone, it's purpose is to help prevent future relapses and hopefully, slow disease progression. It's not meant to improve your symptoms.

                  Take care and keep us informed on how you are doing!
                  Thank you Kimba I know your right I have my hand on my phone all the time wanting to call my clinical nurse to help me with my therapy but I'm to shamed to have her come to my house its a pig sty And I was never like that I just cant keep up with the severe fatigue and anxiety But at least the depression subsided a whole lot I finally get out of bed everyday instead of sleeping four or five days in a row

                  My biggest problem now is fatigue and forgetting one minute to the next I just found three Rx from my MS Doctor for blood work and I keep forgetting to do it Now I'm on my last month of certain meds prescribed by her and I afraid to face her without the blood work I think shes going to get really mad.

                  I didn't go back to my cardiologist and let myself run out of ramipril four months ago Because last year when I was there for tests they called a week later and requested I come in so they can put a halter monitor or something on me I don't want more bad results I went to the Hospital August 2009 for numbness in my foot and leg

                  They sent me home telling me I have shingles and gave me a referral for an mri a few weeks later By the time I got the MRI the numbness continued up my back down the other leg Then my wife gets a call later in the day after the MRI saying I have to get to the ER asap I sat there four hours they finally admitted me but never really said why My blood pressure was like 230 over 140 or something like that

                  Two days of tests Mris Spinal Tap which was the worst because the spinal fluid kept leaking and the next morning were these other crazy tests with flashing lights headphones I really wanted to kick this doctors butt I never experienced a headache like that in my life I wanted to die. And then the whole neurology team came into my room the next morning right after my wife left and said they Diagnosed with MS

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Hi Charlie,

                    I'm sorry for your loss of your dad and brother. I can only imagine how difficult these losses were for you and your family.

                    Then to witness the crash at your home, how sad. I'm glad that the young lady survived, I hope that she recovered sufficiently to go on and enjoy her life.

                    I am glad that this year has been better for you, but please call your doctors and let them know that you are out of your medication and let them help you get back on them.

                    Don't worry about things that you have let go or not maintained. Your doctor has experience with these things. Depression can cause all of the things that you spoke about.

                    But, thank God that you have come through the worse of it. Don't look back! Make a list of the things that you need to do and start doing them one by one, a little at a time. Are you being followed by a psychiatrist or therapist? They can help!
                    You deserve health and happiness!

                    Please take care of yourself and stay in touch. It is great that you are maintaining a great relationship with your daughters, teenagers are challenging under the best circumstances. Sounds like you did a great job with them.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      It does all suck, everything you've been through, really, really, really, but for the love of all above, take your blood pressure tablets!
                      Your doctor will be "down with it".
                      My own fear is the dentist, who I know is going to do his nut. It has been, shall we say, some time between visits.

                      He won't, though. Any medical practictioner worth their salt cares more about their patient's health than making them feel guilty.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Finely doing better

                        I just want to say I'm very sorry for not coming back and updating this thread And to say thank you all for your kind and caring words

                        I'm back on my blood pressure meds after 6 or 7 months of not taking it. And after 5 days of taking it again I feel great I'm getting over the separation with my wife Like the saying goes time heals its so true My daughters are still by my side and they don't talk to there mother much anymore but that's her fault Everything still isn't perfect I will most likely lose my home to foreclosure but I'm okay with it knowing there's so many wonderful loving and caring people out there makes me really happy and I know I will be okay

                        I never really understood the consequences we risk by stopping a medication I will never do that ever again. I thought I was feeling much better until I finely went to my MS doctor and my blood pressure was 246/144 I scared them so much it scared me into knowing I cant do this alone. Now if I can only find my auto inject for my copaxon I should be good .Thank you all again. PS I read my original post back to myself and wow that didn't make mush sense to me I skipped a few sentences and paragraphs .TY for understanding

                        ** Moderator's note - Post broken into paragraphs for easier reading. Many people with MS have visual difficulties that prevent them from reading large blocks of print. **

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