Thread: feeling unloveable
09-19-2011, 06:36 AM #1
tonight my roommate and her girlfriend were giggling in the bathroom as they were getting ready for bed. they sounded so happy and are days away from moving into an awesome apartment together. i am so happy for them, but also so envious of what they have. i started thinking "will i ever have that now that i have MS?" i have a g/f and she has been so amazing throughout this whole diagnosis shocker (did NOT see MS coming!!). i love her, but i still feel empty and sad and envious. i know its wrong but i can't help it. growing old with someone is a lot more complicated for me than it was a month ago. is she really *that* committed? am i? i just feel sad tonight i guess. that's all.
09-19-2011, 07:40 AM #2
You've had some bad news for just a short time, you're allowed to feel down! and feel envious of others, all that stuff.
I can see in your post you were reminding yourself of the good things in your life (your amazing girlfriend), that's very helpful to bring you up from your down.
Keep that hope alive, fight this MonSter and have faith that a cure will be found. They have made such strides in the past 20 years...back then there wasn't any treatment besides steroids.
This is a great place to express yourself with a lot of us here that understandSusan......... Beta Babe since 1994....I did improve "What you see depends on where you're standing" from American Prayer by Dave Stewart
09-24-2011, 01:14 AM #3Registered Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2008
- Fort Lauderdale, Florida
the little things
Partner and I have been together 27 years and he has had MS for 29. He started progressing 7 years ago, I was 39 and he 42. That is when our life changed...no more going out to clubs, events, etc. It is a different world than the one we lived.
Being a gay male couple with MS in the gay community is like oil and water....and only those who are gay, possibly male, and with MS will know what this means...
But, tonight we watched Thor in 3D on a nice big flat screen that we recently purchased. As long as we have each other, as long as I have him by my side, if only to just sit and enjoy a movie, life is good.
The little things have now become our world and our joy...
03-31-2014, 03:12 PM #4Junior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2014
All you can do is try
My gf actually chose to date me knowing I had MS, knowing it was getting worse fast. We have our days when everything is awful - we cry, we yell - but somehow we're still together. She literally catches me when I fall, she's lent me her skirt in a parking lot when I've peed myself in shorts, and she does all the housework all the time. We're dirt poor and getting poorer, in a country where this isn't supposed to happen.
Our friends have disappeared because they're decades too young to be faced with a shuffling spectre of their own mortality, and who wants to find a restaurant that's wheelchair-accessible anyway?
My gf is miraculous, and I feel terrible for inflicting my disease on her. None of our friends have had to be caregivers before, so this is alien territory. If I didn't have her, I'd be in a nursing home right now.
We discuss what her life might be like when I'm gone (she'll probably be around 40 years after me) and I feel bad that she's having to face this so young. I love her to bits, but there are days when I wish we'd never met because at least then she wouldn't have to live with MS-by-association. You all know: it's a hard road.
05-26-2014, 07:25 PM #5Registered Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2013
- United States
I totally know what you are going through. When I got diagnosed (also a shocker) I had a lot of mixed feelings about my relationship with my wife - it was a mixture of appreciation for her support, fear that she would leave if I put too much on her, guilt for putting us through this, and resentment (at everyone including her). That was 2 years ago and we are in a much better place about it.
My MS changes nothing and it changes everything. I'm not as worried anymore about the unknown because the day to day impact on our lives is very small. But it is something we have to plan around especially keeping both of us healthy and keeping the apartment cool.
What helped me was - in no particular order: (1) time (2) talking with a therapist (3) sharing on these boards (4) talking with her about it - knowing she wanted to be included in what I was dealing with made us closer. Its also a give and take, no one is 100% healthy all the time, and when she needs my support I am more than happy to pay it back as best I can. Also cards and flowers go a long way.