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    #16
    I understand how all of you feel. I am a nurse, and I only work 24-30 hours a week. currently I am on STD. I feel worthless. I hate feeling like I am not contributing finacially. I am the sole provider for the insurance for my family which includes 4 children, (all boys, bet ya couldn't have figured that out!) I am switching some meds around and adding some new ones to try to get my old self back. I am going to just trust in God and let him handle it all, I am finally beginning to figure out, even tho I am a control freak, that I have control over nothing really. It is all in his hands, including all of us.

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      #17
      Originally posted by imissdriving View Post
      Bella1,

      My loan company told me that if I am approved for SSDI my dr can verify that I will not be returning to work and then my loan will be forgiven...erased....forever.

      What a great plan! Get a chronic illness, don't work, live off SSDI, feel like crap inside and out all the time, but I won't have to pay my student loan. Hey, I figured it all out....LMAO!

      Hope this helps!
      I guess I lost out, I had student loans from 4 years of college but paid them all off in my 20's. 10 years later in my late 30's I was diagnosed with MS and then had a lot more problems than loans. I ended up going on SSDI too but had already paid back my loans. Damn!!

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        #18
        I can relate

        I was diagnosed in June and have been struggling with my job trying to work 50 plus hours most weeks. My boss is an *** and doesn't care about my issues. I'm the main wage earner and the only one with health insurance. Most days I'm just scared. My husband doesnt make enough money to pay everything by himself. My job is actually easy compared to most but I'm still struggling. My husband used to be on disabilty and he only got 700 a month. I'm used to making that in a week. Don't get me wrong we already live modest - our mortgage is only 500 a month but we also have 3 kids. My employer is trying to fire me and I will be devasted if it works. I'm 37 and just got the best paying job of my life 2 years ago. There is nothing else like it in the area. What do we do?

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          #19
          The deniles for job's are coming in faster for some reason this week, and makes me feel defeated and low.

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            #20
            Unemployed... and trying to stay optimistic....

            Even though this post originally started back in May...I so understand where all of you are.. Because I'm there... I've been there for 2 years as of: Dec. 5th, 2010.

            I was dx on Dec.16th, 2008 after coming off of vacation. The call center I worked at closed down.. NO, they outsourced... while I was trying to get better...this occured in Jan,2009.

            At first.. I welcomed the break.. I needed it.. I had to fight to regain sight, and to walk....and to adjust to what goes along with having MS...

            But now... it's a different story... I've been on disability.. and off.. gone through unemployment insurance.. and will be getting my last check on this Saturday...

            Applied, Applied and Applied to well over 300 jobs.. only been on 1 interview... to be told I didn't have the right skill set.. as if my resume didn't display my experience... gosh...

            I'm scared.. and really don't know what to do... this economy thing is overwhelming for alot of folks.. but, throw in MS.. and I just don't know...

            I hate not feeling like I'm pulling my weight with my partner.. He's so understanding and he knows I'm applying to everything that I see.....

            Long story short... I pray for all of us.. that are in need of a job.. I want to work again.. I don't know if I can handle it but, I'm up for the challenge... I need insurance.. I need an MRI and bloodwork...

            Just had to vent this out.. thanks for reading..

            Purposed
            Don't tell the LORD how BIG MS is...TELL ms HOW BIG THE LORD IS...

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              #21
              Gosh, I can so relate to many of you. Ihave worked at my job for 15 years. I was diagnosed in 2009.

              I was out of work for about 5 months on STD, I gradually went back to work and got back up to 40 hour weeks.

              However, I was pretty much forced into a demotion, I lost almost $7.00 an hour. I had to try and refinance my house, which only helped a little.

              My supervisors have been pretty good, but I have very lazy co-workers. I have to use a cane for balance and the constant up and down makes my dizziness increase.

              I run rings around my co-workers, they are always late, call in sick and do the very minimum. Yet they get away with it. Im afraid not to work as hard as I can, I am afraid that they will complain so I work under a lot of stress.

              I don't call in sick, even when my fatigue is very bad. I am never late. I get no recoqnition for any of it. My co-workers
              take advantage of their breaks, extended smoke breaks(I don't smoke), they just disappear at times, leaving me to do all the work.

              I am currently switching to another department within the same company, hoping it will be less stressful. When asked why I was transfering I was honest about all the problems that get ignored.

              The two main supervisors knew and still know what is going on yet nothing is ever done. I have four days left be fore I move to the new position.

              I have been so depressed since the initial demotion, that job was much easier, even though it paid more. I do have a lawyer looking into everthing. A couple of weeks ago, I was also told due to my "voluntary" demotion..I really had no choice...I was also losing my seniority...which took me 15 years to get!

              I would love to retire, I cant. My doc. wanted to put me out on permanent disability...I can't even medically retire...I would lose everything!!

              It's just me, my parents are elderly and not in the best of health. They are a blessing, but they cannot help me financially.

              Anyway, I feel for each and evryone of you who have posted a response. My heart goes out to you all. I know i am not alone, but the future is scarey.

              I try to take a day at a time, thats all I can do! Thanks for listening. I hope the new position will be better. Im sure there will always be lazy co-workers, but hopefully the stress level wont be the same...Thanks again!!

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                #22
                Wow,

                This is all very harsh. And yet I can relate and it makes me feel better. I was working as a software dev and then I came down with MS. I tried to continue working for about a year but my cognitive issues combined with the stress and fatigue forced me in to disability about 17 months ago. And then I improved...and I have improved enough so that MetLife thinks I am no longer disabled. Literally got a phone call today to tell me that. So as of today I started looking for a lawyer....

                Anyway, when things get worse now I know which thread to post to.

                :-)

                I wish everyone on this thread happy outcomes (including me)

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                  #23
                  Maybe Hope

                  I work 40 hours a week and have been looking into stay at home flexible jobs.. I've found Medical transcription or medical codeing is a good thing.. I went through Career step.. All you have to do is the schooling and then they help you get a job and some offer insurance and others you work at your own pace and make your own hours.. here is the website.. If you sign up refferal #11698.. seriously look into if your wanting to find something that is very flexible.. my friend makes decent money.. Good luck..

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                    #24
                    Hello!

                    My name is Nancy and I would like to speak with someone about going on Tysabari. I am currently on Rebif for about the last 5 yrs. Its working fine but I kind of want to try something more. I have tried all the ABCandR drugs. My doctor recomends it, but I just dont know if I should try something else "just because" I dont know if the Rebif will be fine to go back on after 2 yrs. If anyone could help I would appreciate any word. YThank You, Nancy

                    PS Ive been diagnosed for 18 yrs.

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                      #25
                      Same boat...

                      In January, I had to end my job of 2 years because I was a nanny and didn't have the energy to keep up with a very active 4 year old. Plus, I was sick every 10 seconds because she picked up all the viruses from her pre-school. I was fortunate enough to get a job working Sundays as an Optical Tech, and I'm learning how to teach piano, as well. It seemed we were going to be okay, and then I got this horrible flare about 4 weeks ago, and i haven't been able to work or go to classes since.

                      It hit me like a ton of bricks that there is no way for me to take students if I have the possibility of being laid up in bed for a month or more at a time. My boss has been great about letting me have my job at the optical office when I feel better...but when will that be? How long is she going to be able to keep that open for me? I haven't even been officially diagnosed yet and I have a long road ahead of me. How will an employer be understanding about all the time off? Even the good ones can only be so patient, before it affects business.

                      Like all of you, I'm scared and feeling very useless. This disease is so unpredictable. The cog fog, vertigo, and fatigue are enough to put me out of commission. I am hoping the new supplements I started taking this week will kick in soon and help me with my energy level, at least.

                      Wishing the best to everyone...this is rough! (((Hugs!)))
                      Still in Limboland - started this journey 3/2010.

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                        #26
                        Health is your priority

                        To all of you suffering, I am so sorry. I have some of the Same issues. Fortunately I have worked for the same doctor for 14 years and he is adamant about outing my health first. He is 72 and only a couple of years from retirement. I am trying to hang in there for his sake and mine of course. My lifestyle would have to dramatically change of course. I have a daughter who will be starting her junior year in high school next year and two boys 13 and 10.

                        I feel like I would be letting them all down not just myself. They are so accustomed to living in a nice home with every advantage. Last year mynhusband was transferred... 800 miles away. We opted for him to commute at least temporarily because of the kids. Also the area he was transferred near our family whom I dearly love but I'm not sure after living away for 18 years that I would want to deal with the drama on a daily basis

                        My husband wants to move home anyway but our lives are really here. He complains constantly about his family being to overbearing.

                        Of course we could maintain a similar lifestyle even giving up half our income due to savings in cost of living if we moved back home as opposed to selling our house and living a more modest lifestyle here.

                        I change my mind everyday. It's driving my husband crazy. My employer is like a dad to me. He and his wife told me he would just go ahead and retire as he doesntvwant to start over again either. I do everything for him... Personal, professional, financial, in addition to running his office and providing all care for our surgical patients. I would have to teach him how to take care of himself....seriously. I order his testerone cream and hair pieces. His wife is my dear friend but her mother who is 78 still balances check book. I feel this personal silent pressure to take care of them as well as my own family....not to mention he pays well for my work and loves to give huge just because bonuses (usually when tuition is due or Christmas us looming). Imcome and go as I please. Take naps for two hours when I need to.

                        Still I feel like there is nothing left when I get home for my own family some days/weeks. Thank goodness they are older very helpful.

                        Not only am I letting myself down but I'm letting those around me down too. Besides for the past 20 years I have worked whether I'm sick or healthy. When I do stay home I'm so ocd that I just clean like a maniac. My justification has been that I'd do it anyway when I get home from work or eventually and it reduces my anxiety and I can truly relax in the evenings

                        I have no idea what to do. Time will tell I guess.

                        Melissa

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                          #27
                          Originally posted by mcszle View Post
                          I haven't worked in almost a year
                          What would you do?
                          You write well. I now have a clear picture of what you can't do. No offense, but lotsa negative self-talk in there. I can't do this, I can't do that...

                          I'm not saying you don't have issues; You articulated your last work experience thoroughly. I had the same experience working for a medical office, and I got blamed for misfiled records. Well, I know perfectly well how to alphabetize; I was the best speller in my family, class, and school, and a heavy reader. it was the other two women working there who misfiled stuff, but when they found out I had MS, suddenly misfiled records became a problem when before, it had never even been mentioned. Hmmm. They can go pound sand, all of them. More on that later.

                          Remember, what you experienced last summer is not your future. That was last summer, not now.

                          Check with your state's Bureau of Rehabilitation. Mine helped me with assessments and a small paycheck during evaluations to see what I am good at. A little bit boring but certainly constructive use of my time, since I DID go back to school, earned my associate's in drafting, and am now employed by an engineering firm.

                          And those pathetic back-stabbing women I worked with at the medical office? The older woman retired and I hope she is busy collecting cats, the senile old thing. The other girl got fired for being as histrionic drama queen that, get this: misfiled records. And I am being paid twice what I made there, with benefits. You can do it, you just need a little encouragement and a more flexible outlook.

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                            #28
                            PS.

                            I apologize if I come off sounding smug. I'm not, really, I know where you're coming from. During my stint at the medical office I was going through a relapse, and the Avonex I was on was giving me suicidal ideation (almost). I wound up going off of Avonex and going on antidepressants, something I never thought I would do. I've always been a silver-lining kinda girl, maybe even rose colored glasses, if you can't tell already. But I know what despair is, and I remember how good it felt when it left.

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                              #29
                              Originally posted by imissdriving View Post
                              Bella1,

                              I am extremely ticked about the student loans also. I worked my tail off and took out a crapload of student loans to get a good job and not have to worry about money like my parents always did. I just wanted better for my own kids...isn't that what we all want?

                              Anyway, I am going on my second year with a student loan forbearance and applied for SSDI six weeks ago. My loan company told me that if I am approved for SSDI my dr can verify that I will not be returning to work and then my loan will be forgiven...erased....forever.

                              What a great plan! Get a chronic illness, don't work, live off SSDI, feel like crap inside and out all the time, but I won't have to pay my student loan. Hey, I figured it all out....LMAO!

                              Hope this helps!
                              Thanks.. just saw this post... i know, i know.. i'm a little late.. but better late than never.. lol.. hey, how do u know if someone replies to you anyway? thanks for the post.. it does help how r things going now? i'm in the same situation..

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                                #30
                                stuck between a rock and a hardplace and MS

                                Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences

                                I have no idea what to do in my situation.

                                I'm in the process of getting diagnosed (my follow up appointment is tomorrow) but my neuro said there is no chance it is anything but MS.

                                I'm a retail pharmacist. I was looking to change my job before all this started because it is such a stressful job. No breaks during 12 hours shift, high mental fatigue, lots of standing, multitasking constantly, and I often work alone. Plus employer cares only to increase profits; no regard for patient care/safety, unless it imposes on increased profits.

                                Now I am afraid to look for another job because of maybe loosing insurance. I'm afraid to continue my job because I don't want to make an error and hurt someone. I feel like I'm at a higher risk of that now being exhausted, distracted, maybe cognitive issues?

                                I also have 90,000 + in student loans (I've only been out of school 2 years). How can I get loan forgiveness? The doctor has to say your symptoms are expected to be continuous for 60 months? How can you say that about MS?

                                As of right now I can still do the work. But for how much longer? I have no idea

                                Any advice is appreciated!
                                Diagnosed 7/11/11
                                On Copaxone 7/11- 12/13
                                On Tecfidera 12/13- current

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