I haven't worked in almost a year - been doing the stay at home mom thing with our 4 kids. But our financial needs will be changing soon, and I'm trying to figure out what to do. The problems I deal with most often with my MS are fatigue, problems walking and standing for long periods, balance, heat intolerance, numbness, memory loss, cog fog, dizziness, and vision problems. I have maybe 1 day a week where I feel normal, most weeks.
I have a real issue with stamina though. I know I'm definitely not up for a job that would have me standing or walking for long periods. The last job I had (last summer) was mostly a desk job. Checking out patients in a very busy doctor's office. But it was a lot of up and down running to get charts, a lot of leaning over and back up, moving around very quickly to answer phones, focus on the computer, the patient, the chart, the doctor, etc. And it set off my vertigo and vision problems. I kept losing my balance and was given no time to regain it because the environment was so fast paced. My boss and coworkers thought I was just incompetent. I ended up working there only a few weeks because I simply couldn't handle it. I was, and still am, so irritated with that situation and with myself. It was a job that I really thought I would be able to do well. Mostly sitting down, working with people, which I'm good at. I thought I could work hard enough to overcome the memory and cognitive issues too. The experience left me feeling like a failure. Like I couldn't do any job well.
I don't have a degree, though I do have about 70 hours of college transfer credit if I were to go back to school. The thought of becoming a student again absolutely terrifies me though. I can't concentrate, and it takes so long to compose a coherent thought these days. With 4 kids, I would have trouble finding time for school in the first place, and then to have that trouble compounded by MS... I'm feeling very intimidated. On the one hand, I feel like maybe I'm overreacting, like I should just try harder and harder, and do whatever it takes. But on the other hand, I remember what it was like the last time I was working (before being laid off). I was full time, and my job wasn't strenuous. But I was exhausted, and it was nearly impossible to take good care of myself. My flares have gotten worse since then too, so I feel like to try to go back to work now would be even worse. If I had to call off too much, I'd probably lose my job. And then be in a worse financial position than I am now.
I apologize for rambling. I should have tried to organize my thoughts better. I just don't know what to do. I don't know what the best option is. I want to continue staying home with the kids because I feel that's the best option for our family and for me. But if that becomes impossible, and I do have to find a job, I don't even know where to start. How do I find a job that makes the right amount of money (doesn't disqualify me from aid I vitally need) and yet doesn't mean I'm working just to pay daycare, AND is something that I can actually do? I'm so relieved that I'm at home some days, where no one can see my weaknesses. I can't imagine trying to hide certain incidents in a workplace.
What would you do?
I have a real issue with stamina though. I know I'm definitely not up for a job that would have me standing or walking for long periods. The last job I had (last summer) was mostly a desk job. Checking out patients in a very busy doctor's office. But it was a lot of up and down running to get charts, a lot of leaning over and back up, moving around very quickly to answer phones, focus on the computer, the patient, the chart, the doctor, etc. And it set off my vertigo and vision problems. I kept losing my balance and was given no time to regain it because the environment was so fast paced. My boss and coworkers thought I was just incompetent. I ended up working there only a few weeks because I simply couldn't handle it. I was, and still am, so irritated with that situation and with myself. It was a job that I really thought I would be able to do well. Mostly sitting down, working with people, which I'm good at. I thought I could work hard enough to overcome the memory and cognitive issues too. The experience left me feeling like a failure. Like I couldn't do any job well.
I don't have a degree, though I do have about 70 hours of college transfer credit if I were to go back to school. The thought of becoming a student again absolutely terrifies me though. I can't concentrate, and it takes so long to compose a coherent thought these days. With 4 kids, I would have trouble finding time for school in the first place, and then to have that trouble compounded by MS... I'm feeling very intimidated. On the one hand, I feel like maybe I'm overreacting, like I should just try harder and harder, and do whatever it takes. But on the other hand, I remember what it was like the last time I was working (before being laid off). I was full time, and my job wasn't strenuous. But I was exhausted, and it was nearly impossible to take good care of myself. My flares have gotten worse since then too, so I feel like to try to go back to work now would be even worse. If I had to call off too much, I'd probably lose my job. And then be in a worse financial position than I am now.
I apologize for rambling. I should have tried to organize my thoughts better. I just don't know what to do. I don't know what the best option is. I want to continue staying home with the kids because I feel that's the best option for our family and for me. But if that becomes impossible, and I do have to find a job, I don't even know where to start. How do I find a job that makes the right amount of money (doesn't disqualify me from aid I vitally need) and yet doesn't mean I'm working just to pay daycare, AND is something that I can actually do? I'm so relieved that I'm at home some days, where no one can see my weaknesses. I can't imagine trying to hide certain incidents in a workplace.
What would you do?
) my boyfriend helps to support us financially, but i never thought i would be without a job, at least till i'm in my 60's. 
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