my libido is gone

[wookieland]

when i first starting having major symptoms of my ms that i didn't know i had i began to lose my sex drive. I was engaged to be married and planning a wedding and i just thought it was the stress of everything that caused my libido to take a nose dive. It has yet to come back around and its been over a year now. I did ask my neuro and she said it probably isnt related to my ms. I can't help but think that isn't true. At the time I was also having problems with my husband just trying to caress my leg or arm (it was almost sore to the touch). There isn't a problem reaching orgasm but what does that matter if i never want to have sex! this is so frustrating as I am a newly married 34 year old woman who never had a problem with my libido. any suggestions? i even went to the gyno who ran tests and said that my hormones looked fine. help

[Jonaatsen]

Hey Wookieland,

I have the same problem. And If I do feel like making love with my boyfriend, we can't 'cause he can't get it up anymore. He now has insecurity issues, like I don't have enough on my plate as it is. I asked my GP if it was MS related or maybe because of the Avonex, but she said it's not listed as a side effect. My neurologist told me it can be one of the many symptoms of MS, but it can also just be that you are too busy dealing with the diagnosis and that you don't have any room in your head to think about other things.
I think that is what's happening with me. I feel like there's no room to think about anything else but MS for the moment and it's killing even the smallest thought of being intimate. I should hope this will resolve itself in due course...preferrably not too long from now

[Toomnyhats]

me too!

I am in the process of having everything checked for this very problem. The 1st doc I asked told me that for women sex drive is all mental - well duh!

She said my hormones are fine but I am going to get a 2nd opinion. I know for a fact they are changing b/c my once board straight hair is quite curly -- ask any hairdresser, hormones affect hair!

Also, I'm 41 so it is not unreasonable to think my body is changing.

We are in counseling for this & other issues, and its helped a little. But I still have very little sex drive ...

[jamilea]

I have suffered from this problem. Welbutrin helped bring back my libido. All the depression, stress, and overwhelming sense of not being understood really adds to the lack of libido.

For me, once the antidepressant kicked in, I was no longer so irritable, not so depressed, and some of my libido came back.

Now, the hard part. For women, desire and arousal or separate. You just have to start. Jump on him and please him. The desire will grow as you get creative. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

That's what worked for me. Sorry you are going through this. I know how hard it is, and I hope you find a way to manage it soon.

[andi b]

not sure what my lack of libido is from...

It could have been from the breast cancer and hormone suppressing drugs that I took for the past 10 years. Or it might be that at some point during those 10 years was when the MS came on board and combined with the lack of hormone from the BC treatment.

My husband and I have had sex only a few times in the past 8 years. It seems to be true that if you don't use it you lose it, and now it is extremely painful for me. I love him, but just don't have any need for sex (and am actually in avoidance because of the pain); if it didn't hurt, I wouldn't mind it at all. He has pretty much stopped even trying. We get along great for the most part otherwise, but it is really not fair to him. What a dilemma...

[DancingPhalanges]

I am with Jamilea on this one. I too have issues with sex drive, but I made it a point to pick one night a week for a set "date night". And this seems to work pretty well for us.

Possible causes of lack of libido

Some of you wrote that sex has become painful. You don't mention your age, but when women age the vaginal wall thins and lubrication can be sporadic despite desire. If sex hurts, certainly you're not going to be looking forward to it.

According to Dr. Oz (I don't know his credentials or how much stock you put in some doctor Oprah subscribes to) use of olive oil with massage helps with the vaginal thinning issue, and plenty of a water based lubricant before and during helps prevent chafing from friction. Just thought I'd mention what I've picked up from watching daytime TV, lol. I have fortunately not experienced pain or thinning of the vaginal wall yet but I have had loss of libido because of depression and anger issues stemming from diagnosis.

[nightflyer]

At about 44 I started going through peri-menopause and libido started to go. Also, I started taking an anti-anxiety drug (Zoloft) my Dr. told me that most anti-depressants etc. rob you of libido. Between the two I've got no desire at all and my husband started going through Andropause (the male version of menopause) so he has no desire either.

[MSGina]

My DH and I are 51, we;ve been marreid 22 years.

The last 3 years our sex life was becoming a bit of "chore" because if e.d. issues with his type 2 diabetes.
But I pereservered.

This year several things have happened.
My incontenince has gotten much worse and is not controllable with lb meds because I have congestive heart failure and am taking 40 mgs of lasix a day.
I wear poise pads 24/7 and change clothes at least 2x day.
I also starrted cymbalta for depression.

I could care less if I had sex again and am squeamish about having my husband to near because of the incontenince and i'm not talking about a little leak when i sneeze.

He has something to prove even though, he really can't on his own but I am so fatigued physically I just don't try.

I'm genuinely worried about our reltaionship because without any intimacy it's basically me the patient with m.s. and he's the caregiver.

Seems since we've stopped being intimate we've stopped everything else as a couple.
Dating, conversation, hanging out.

Any one else with this problem?

[rubberlegs]

haven't had to drive for years, but never really had much drive to begin with, not much has been lost.
what to do, I haven't felt like doing anything about it, and still don't. what to do then? what if I don't care?

[amyr_74]

Singin' my song...

OMG ladies I am having the SAME issue and have for years now. I've been to every doctor and tried everything. I've had every blood test. My thyroid is ok. My hormones are ok (although I did succomb to quarterly testosterone injections for over a year that nearly MURDERED me...). Here's one thing I realized: I went through a trial where I weaned myself off my Cymbalta (I don't recommend doing this...), and it was awful BUT I did suddenly have a sex drive. But then I got depressed and suicidal. So I started it back. Now, zero libido. Ever. I'm like you guys, I could just care less, and really honestly, don't WANT to do anything. It is a true marriage killer.....my husband is also having rejection issues. And the more I try to turn to other sources, the internet, friends, for support with this, the more jealous he becomes. It is a NO WIN situation.....

I truly feel like it is part MS, part meds (for me), part PAIN alllllll the time (not just w/ sex), and part being mommy'd-out (also, for me...). I have a 16, 11 and 3 year old, and some days I just feel "touched-out"! There's so much chaos and stress, plus I work full time....it's like....dear GOD will you leave me alone and let me rest or take a nap??? <sigh> Of course, I feel EXTREMELY guilty, and beat myself up over it, which makes everything worse.

WHY do things have to be so stressful???

[dm123]

Sorry to invade the turf on the ladies side but my wife and I of over twenty years have been dealing with this for a couple years now. Her issue is menopause. Drying, lack of natural lube, lack of vagina flexibility, and went from a hot tamali to a cold drink of water. No libido and sex hurts. One thing we found out was as the vaginal wall dries and thins, sex can cause microtears in the wall. A retro uterus can hurt. A bladder adhesion can cause pain.

Practically all of the anti-depresants except Welbutrin are know to decrease libido, especially in women. Welbutrin is know to actually help libido a bit. A product called Astroglide, available at local drugstores works well as a lube. Olive oil is pretty good in a pinch. There is also a product that has lidocaine or one of the numbing cains, that is a cream that can take the edge off any pain but tastes awful. Of course from my point of view I would just as soon leave it on the shelf but what ever it takes.

The psych thing is big. I ask if this is a good time and get a response OK but it needs to be a quicky". I'm not thrilled with sex on a clock. Another is talking about everything under the sun like you are talking to a friend on the phone. And of course the real deal breaker "are you done yet"?

I did get a script from my Urologist for Viagra just to get through the talking and questions unrelated to the activity at hand. I was forewarned, may of the products you buy off the internet are not the real deal. Tell your guy to man up and ask their doctor. Then get an Rx for the biggest pill they make. 4 of them are something like $75.00. Most likely he won,t need a whole pill. I can get by on about 1/8th of a pill. They are a lot cheaper that way, get a big dose and cut it to what is needed. If taken on an empty stomach with warm water, or warm drink it can start to work in about 15 minutes. Use this time for other things.

I hope what I have said can help. I'm 62 now but still have a hard time figuring out what is in a womans mind. I sure it works both ways.

[Jules A]

Sorry to invade the turf on the ladies side but my wife and I of over twenty years have been dealing with this for a couple years now. Her issue is menopause. Drying, lack of natural lube, lack of vagina flexibility, and went from a hot tamali to a cold drink of water. No libido and sex hurts. One thing we found out was as the vaginal wall dries and thins, sex can cause microtears in the wall. A retro uterus can hurt. A bladder adhesion can cause pain.

Practically all of the anti-depresants except Welbutrin are know to decrease libido, especially in women. Welbutrin is know to actually help libido a bit. A product called Astroglide, available at local drugstores works well as a lube. Olive oil is pretty good in a pinch. There is also a product that has lidocaine or one of the numbing cains, that is a cream that can take the edge off any pain but tastes awful. Of course from my point of view I would just as soon leave it on the shelf but what ever it takes.

The psych thing is big. I ask if this is a good time and get a response OK but it needs to be a quicky". I'm not thrilled with sex on a clock. Another is talking about everything under the sun like you are talking to a friend on the phone. And of course the real deal breaker "are you done yet"?

I did get a script from my Urologist for Viagra just to get through the talking and questions unrelated to the activity at hand. I was forewarned, may of the products you buy off the internet are not the real deal. Tell your guy to man up and ask their doctor. Then get an Rx for the biggest pill they make. 4 of them are something like $75.00. Most likely he won,t need a whole pill. I can get by on about 1/8th of a pill. They are a lot cheaper that way, get a big dose and cut it to what is needed. If taken on an empty stomach with warm water, or warm drink it can start to work in about 15 minutes. Use this time for other things.

I hope what I have said can help. I'm 62 now but still have a hard time figuring out what is in a womans mind. I sure it works both ways.

What I don't understand is if she isn't all that interested and you are having issues that require Viagra why not just skip it?

[dm123]

My problem is I don't really need Viagra but do like and or need sex from time to time. It is hard to stay interest when during the event the conversation is about groceries, or whatever.

We have a son we adopted from a very poor orphanage in Bulgaria when he was three. When he turned 18 he started exhibiting signs of schizophrenia. He is now 22 and stays at home. We, and his grandmother and my sister-in-law, are his only contacts as he lost his drivers license.

Normally, he watches TV in our bedroom with us. Not by my preference but sometimes you have to chose your battles. If the door is closed he and our dog are right outside our bedroom door wanting in. Not exactly the most romantic situation.

Our son's only female contact is my wife and sister-in-law. He has kind of a Freudian thing going on with them too and I know he knows what is going on behind closed doors.

My business went South with the home market crash and lost about everything I had made the last 11 years (multiple of 7 figures). My wife had to go back to work, and now me with a 90% chance or greater of having MS. The last couple of years have been tough.

We both ended up on Effexor which is terrible for libido and causes withdrawal to stop. I found a way to taper off by setting up a ratio/proportion based on the number of little beads in a capsule and we are both slowly getting off the stuff.

I've been totally monogamous since or marriage. I don't think I could handle the guilt trip of cheating but have thought about it. I've just not let myself get into a tempting situation. With MS, I figure my days are numbered and that adds pressure to do while I can.

Recently, my wife did get, after her OB-GYN was threatened with bodily harm (not really, they are freaking out now over cancer risks now for everyone) with a low dose hormonal patch that helped her immensely to the point that with a lot of time and trying on both our parts, she can achieve orgasm. Anyway, long explanation but life can be a ___ sometimes.

[JudySz]

I do not have as much sex drive as I used to....but my problem is dh. I think he is afraid to do anything more than cuddle. He worries about me every day and sometimes I feel like he does not see me as a secual being any more. I am 60 and so is he. We have been married 37 years and a decrease in sex is fine, but this is reiduculous. Maybe I will get him Viagra or do what I did when we were first married. Meet him at the door in nothing but Saran wrap around my body, or a trench coat with nothing underneath.

JudySz